[granite1]

along with no being able to talk i don't even know how to start a conversation with anyone.i just don't and to be able to start a conversation with my T is even harder.i just don't know how.i know this is crazy.like i can say hi but mostly if she says hi first and now I'm kind of scared not to say hi back .i really do think about talking to her about my past and the stuff in my head but nothing that would come out of my mouth seems right or OK.it doesn't feel good at all.it is yucky and awkward.even just trying to practice by myself.any ideas or stories of how you are able to bring stuff up and especially starting a conversation.

[sittingatwatersedge]

sweet Granite, no it doesn't. You don't give yourself enough credit. With every thread you start, you are starting a conversation.

I don't know if this is helpful, but many (maybe too many, who knows) of my "conversations" begin this way
** last week you said ....
** a long time ago you told me
** remember last year I told you about this? well it's that time of the year again and...
** I had a dream a couple of days ago

(and the one that T probably dreads )
"I have been reading a book called _______ (or worse, found an article in the WWW) can I ask you some questions?"

[WikidPissah]

(((granite))) I am unable to talk to people too, but I am learning...very very very very slowly...and you are too. It is so slowly in fact that it doesn't feel like we are moving at all *sigh* The earth rotates at 1037.565 mph...that's pretty fast, but we don't feel it. It kind of helps me to think about that sometimes.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I don't know if this is helpful, but many (maybe too many, who knows) of my "conversations" begin this way
** last week you said ....
** a long time ago you told me
** remember last year I told you about this? well it's that time of the year again and...
** I had a dream a couple of days ago

(and the one that T probably dreads )
"I have been reading a book called _______ (or worse, found an article in the WWW) can I ask you some questions?"

dont think most of these would work exsept maybe the dream one.i absoluitly love the book thing lol that made me so laugh.
i feel i need to learn to start a conversation just out of the blue with her and i am clueless.nothing seems to fit and it is all yuck and not the right words to speak.GOD i feel like a pathetic kid who is learning to interact with adults and just dont have it right yet

[granite1]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

(((granite))) I am unable to talk to people too, but I am learning...very very very very slowly...and you are too. It is so slowly in fact that it doesn't feel like we are moving at all *sigh* The earth rotates at 1037.565 mph...that's pretty fast, but we don't feel it. It kind of helps me to think about that sometimes.

i have so much i want to tell her but i just cant even start or keep it going.i know it is slow going but i worry my T isnt going to wate or if i will ever be able to truely talk at all.i am getting more and mor discurraged as i go.she is starting to ask me why am i in therapy and all.i dont think that is a good sighn.i think she thinks i am not trying hard enough.i try to say some things but it just doesnt feel ok.i cant really discribe how it is but it feels horrable and yucky and like i dont want the words to be me at all even the simplest thing..like saying i want to leave.it took everything and i so wanted to take it back but you cant.i dont want to be that person who wanted to leave and i didnt want T to see me as that person but once i said it it was badIDK

[sittingatwatersedge]

"those are nice colors you are wearing T" woudl that do it?

"Man if it rains one more day I'm moving to Arizona"

"do you know they took all the chairs out of your waiting room and I had to find one and bring it in" (really happened to me yesterday but I didn't tell her)

Yesterday's starter was a gem. "You know, the first couple of months i came to this new office of yours, I had to follow you, because when I entered the hallway, I could never remember which doorway was yours."
T said, Hm, I wonder what's up with that?
and I said, "nerves." (ya think?!)

[sittingatwatersedge]

Granite, have you ever tried sitting with your back to T (or having her sit with her back to you)? Would that work?

this may sound loony but maybe you could both sit where you usually sit, and talk to each other on cell phones? I've seen people do that. I guess it adds enough "distance" to make them comfortable.

just thinkin.

[Omers]

Originally Posted by granite1

.GOD i feel like a pathetic kid who is learning to interact with adults and just dont have it right yet

Reminded me of the session where I called my T "Dr last name" Only time I really thought she might slap me! So now I just do it on occasion just to bug her.

I'm not good at conversations either and even worse at starting them. Makes us better listeners!

Thankfully my T always starts out with lots of non-threatening questions (AKA checking on my cat that she loves more than me ). Just when I settle into the couch though * WHAM * "So, what do you need from me today?". Lots of hugs, to know that you like me more than my cat (In all fairness I am not sure she likes any human more than a cat), lunch together, a walk ... yeh, don't think it's happenin'. That would be when my eyes start staring uncontrollably at her inevitably ugly shoes. However... when she went shoeless for a while her socks were very cute!

I start with good stuff like how things are going with massage T or how I just finished training for my volunteer position. She always, slowly, gently brings the conversation around to something we have to work on. When I am feeling particularly bold I ask things like "Why do you have a stuffed cat in the cup holder of your car?" (She gets lonely driving alone... wonder if she talks to it )

Just remember... a lot of Ts became Ts because they were just as nutty as we are! they just found a way to make money at it!

[BlessedRhiannon]

When I've been stuck, my T asks me to tell her one true thing about the topic. When I was really stuck and couldn't even get out that one thing, she asked me to just state 5 words that were floating around in my head.

The nice thing about therapy (as I'm slowly learning) is that it doesn't have to be like a regular conversation, where you're expected to hold up your end. You can start with just one or two words and let it build from there. So maybe try that...don't worry about starting a conversation, just start with one or two words about something.

A lot of times, when I walk in to a session, I will tell my T - "okay, I know I want to talk about x, but I don't know how to start." That's when she prompts me with a question or asking for just words or something. Sometimes, I don't know what I want to say and I'll tell my T "I know there's lots of things we could talk about, but I'm not sure where to go today. Can you prompt me?" And she will.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Granite, have you ever tried sitting with your back to T (or having her sit with her back to you)? Would that work?

this may sound loony but maybe you could both sit where you usually sit, and talk to each other on cell phones? I've seen people do that. I guess it adds enough "distance" to make them comfortable.

just thinkin.

i have sat on the floor with my back to her as i was drawing in the past.maybe i like you ideas about starting conversations with people believe it i did start a conversation with my boss.i never do that ever.i had made this new flower arangement that i was particularly proud of and i asked him if he saw it.i nearly died.i didnt know what he would say or do i swear i was a red as an apple.he said yes and it was amazing telling how well i am doing in this department and how much of a differance i was making and all i said thanks and turned away from him i could take no more.he left.in 6 years i dont think i have ever had a spontanious conversation with him.if i cant talk to T about missing chairs(to funny)how am i ever going to talk to her about abuse.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by granite1

.if i cant talk to T about missing chairs(to funny)how am i ever going to talk to her about abuse.

if it helps you I would come steal yr T's chairs before you arrive, Granite. you are trying so hard. Please don't give up.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

When I've been stuck, my T asks me to tell her one true thing about the topic. When I was really stuck and couldn't even get out that one thing, she asked me to just state 5 words that were floating around in my head.

The nice thing about therapy (as I'm slowly learning) is that it doesn't have to be like a regular conversation, where you're expected to hold up your end. You can start with just one or two words and let it build from there. So maybe try that...don't worry about starting a conversation, just start with one or two words about something.

A lot of times, when I walk in to a session, I will tell my T - "okay, I know I want to talk about x, but I don't know how to start." That's when she prompts me with a question or asking for just words or something. Sometimes, I don't know what I want to say and I'll tell my T "I know there's lots of things we could talk about, but I'm not sure where to go today. Can you prompt me?" And she will.

i like the 5 words thing i know i could write those down.have thought about this i could find the words to ask if i could write.my T is really big on not prompting or directing the session unless she has something to say about something i did and this is never a good outcome.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

if it helps you I would come steal yr T's chairs before you arrive, Granite. you are trying so hard. Please don't give up.

lol ok.sawe i have no intentions of giving up at all i just got to figure it oll out, but sometimes i feel so alone in trying to do this and it gets me angry at my T.kind of like trying to make it all fit and be ok without knowing what is right or ok.what is ok with me and with her and all the time her just staring at me waiting.grrrrrr.no help.i thought they were supose to help.maybe i just want her to do it for me IDK

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

if it helps you I would come steal yr T's chairs before you arrive, Granite. you are trying so hard. Please don't give up.

lol than i would get to sit on the floor without having to use words to ask

[Dani]

Originally Posted by granite1

along with no being able to talk i don't even know how to start a conversation with anyone.i just don't and to be able to start a conversation with my T is even harder.i just don't know how.i know this is crazy.like i can say hi but mostly if she says hi first and now I'm kind of scared not to say hi back .i really do think about talking to her about my past and the stuff in my head but nothing that would come out of my mouth seems right or OK.it doesn't feel good at all.it is yucky and awkward.even just trying to practice by myself.any ideas or stories of how you are able to bring stuff up and especially starting a conversation.

I can completely relate to this because I'm going through the same thing right now. My T and I have made it a goal this year that I'm going to learn to talk more and express my feelings verbally. Lately, we've been playing some games that have cards with questions that I have to read out loud and answer. With some of them I have a really hard time answering, and my T keeps telling me that I need to take risks because I am always worried that what I'll say will sound stupid or won't be right, and she said I need to just take a risk and say something.

Have you said something to your T about not being able to talk? Could you ask her to help you with it? Maybe she has some ideas that she can help you talk. Have you tried writing things down before your appt and sharing it with her?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Dani

my T keeps telling me that I need to take risks because I am always worried that what I'll say will sound stupid or won't be right, and she said I need to just take a risk and say something.

this sounds like my T one day she said almost the same thing she said some day you are just going to have to take a risk and say something and see what is going to happen.she said a lot more and at the time it was a lot more caring but i dont remember a lot of it

[ECHOES]

I started off talking about baking Christmas cookies.
To a T who doesn't celebrate Christmas
Outside of therapy, when I fantasized about talking to T, it was about serious stuff.

But I had to start somewhere and I told her I was just going to talk. That I had nothing to lose because it beat not talking. And that maybe it would go somewhere.
It did work even though I still struggle. So we talk about what starts the struggle.

[rainbow8]

Hi granite. I'm sorry to give the same suggestions again, but it's all I can think of and I still don't understand why your T won't try them with you. I'm repeating them because my T said how relaxed I seemed while I was fingerpainting! So, why doesn't your T suggest the art stuff herself? Or, writing notes back and forth like tree's T did with her? Or playing a game with you? It just seems like she's unwilling to try anything different with you and I don't know why.

Do you think you'd be more relaxed talking to her while you were drawing or coloring or painting? If so, don't you think it's worth telling her that since she won't suggest it to you?

I'm sorry if I sound frustrated. It's not with YOU, but with your T. I think you're doing great. I don't think you have to start a conversation in therapy. That's not the idea. You just have to get out your feelings in whatever way you can, which usually involves talking, but IMO it can start with something else like drawing or maybe even listening to music with your T.

[Chronic]

I can relate and have similar problems with T. Ive known T for 3 years and still cant start a conversation when I walk in to his office. I just never know what to say to him. Even when he tries some small talk I cant really keep the conversation going. It bothers me that he must have better relationships with his other clients because I find it difficult to talk to him.

What I have noticed is that with T or at work it is easier to talk about specifics but as soon as I have to "ad lib" I get anxious and go bright red and dont know what to say. Like when I see my boss I can ask him questions about work and will be able to talk about work related matters easily. However as soon as he asks anything personal (even "how was your weekend?") I clam up and dont know what to say. Or if T asks me specific questions I can usually say something but when I go in and he asks "So Chronic what do we need to talk about today?" I completely freak out! I always answer wirh "I dont know" which must drive him mad. I never know even when I have been sui Ive never been able to just say "Right T this is how Ive been feeling this week, this is what has been troubling me, etc". Im just not good with open questions.

Maybe that has something to do with me being in social situations where things are unstructured and I worry about saying the wrong thing or that people arent interested in me or what I have to say.

What has been helpful in T is for me to write things down through the week and then decide what things I would be ok talking to T about. I either take them to session and when he asks what we need to talk about I say"Ive written some things down from the week" and he usually guides things from there. Or I do the same thing but send it in an email the day before and he will usually have read what Ive written before I get to session so he can help guide things from things I have written. I find this easier as it makes me feel he is in control. Do you think something like that might help?

[Elli-Beth]

My T and I start with silly openers since I have trouble talking ALL the time, so relaxing stuff like how my dog is and how T's dust bunny collection is growing. For abuse stuff that I can't verbalize, I write it down and some days he asks me about it, and other days if I don't want to get that deep I can just shake my head and he respects that. A few times we've spent the whole time talking about talking or fear of it.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Hi granite. I'm sorry to give the same suggestions again, but it's all I can think of and I still don't understand why your T won't try them with you. I'm repeating them because my T said how relaxed I seemed while I was fingerpainting! So, why doesn't your T suggest the art stuff herself? Or, writing notes back and forth like tree's T did with her? Or playing a game with you? It just seems like she's unwilling to try anything different with you and I don't know why.

Do you think you'd be more relaxed talking to her while you were drawing or coloring or painting? If so, don't you think it's worth telling her that since she won't suggest it to you?

I'm sorry if I sound frustrated. It's not with YOU, but with your T. I think you're doing great. I don't think you have to start a conversation in therapy. That's not the idea. You just have to get out your feelings in whatever way you can, which usually involves talking, but IMO it can start with something else like drawing or maybe even listening to music with your T.

I'm quite sure it is because she wants me to ask for what i want.i remember her saying all the art stuff is on the shelf and she showed me it and said if i want to draw it was OK with her.i know she is willing to do anything i want to do as far as playing any games or anything but she wants me to ask for what i need she is big on this i guess.i understand it but it is just hard.i think i need a few sessions to build up to asking.i wonder also if she thinks i would do with the art the same thing as the e-mails and letters,use it totally in place Of talking at all.this could be why she doesn't encourage it.she hasnt said this but i wonder because she has said this about the other stuff.i think i have built up enough courage to ask next time i see her if she doesnt jump on me about the way i left last week

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Elli-Beth

My T and I start with silly openers since I have trouble talking ALL the time, so relaxing stuff like how my dog is and how T's dust bunny collection is growing. For abuse stuff that I can't verbalize, I write it down and some days he asks me about it, and other days if I don't want to get that deep I can just shake my head and he respects that. A few times we've spent the whole time talking about talking or fear of it.

mt T in the last few sessions has said hi and that is it no how are you no hows the week been just hi and nothing else.wonder whats up with this

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Chronic

I can relate and have similar problems with T. Ive known T for 3 years and still cant start a conversation when I walk in to his office. I just never know what to say to him. Even when he tries some small talk I cant really keep the conversation going. It bothers me that he must have better relationships with his other clients because I find it difficult to talk to him.

What I have noticed is that with T or at work it is easier to talk about specifics but as soon as I have to "ad lib" I get anxious and go bright red and dont know what to say. Like when I see my boss I can ask him questions about work and will be able to talk about work related matters easily. However as soon as he asks anything personal (even "how was your weekend?") I clam up and dont know what to say. Or if T asks me specific questions I can usually say something but when I go in and he asks "So Chronic what do we need to talk about today?" I completely freak out! I always answer wirh "I dont know" which must drive him mad. I never know even when I have been sui Ive never been able to just say "Right T this is how Ive been feeling this week, this is what has been troubling me, etc". Im just not good with open questions.

Maybe that has something to do with me being in social situations where things are unstructured and I worry about saying the wrong thing or that people arent interested in me or what I have to say.

What has been helpful in T is for me to write things down through the week and then decide what things I would be ok talking to T about. I either take them to session and when he asks what we need to talk about I say"Ive written some things down from the week" and he usually guides things from there. Or I do the same thing but send it in an email the day before and he will usually have read what Ive written before I get to session so he can help guide things from things I have written. I find this easier as it makes me feel he is in control. Do you think something like that might help?

not allowed to e-mail or write letters unless i bring them in and read them outloud.ill write them but then still not talk about them.god my biggest dream would be to walk in to her office sit down and say can we talk about this today and once the paramedics revive my T continue on lol

[granite1]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I started off talking about baking Christmas cookies.
To a T who doesn't celebrate Christmas
Outside of therapy, when I fantasized about talking to T, it was about serious stuff.

But I had to start somewhere and I told her I was just going to talk. That I had nothing to lose because it beat not talking. And that maybe it would go somewhere.
It did work even though I still struggle. So we talk about what starts the struggle.

someone sugested writing down words i may try this along with drawing.i dont think T will make me read words but will ask me about them and if i dont freak it may help.i still just wish i could just talk and start a conversation or something other than being so frustrated