[JustWannaDisappear]

At my session on Wednesday my T said we need to go over the ship again. The one with the feelings inside trying to come out. I can't remember what it's called but I'm hoping someone knows what I'm talking about and maybe theirs a website with it?

Anyway- to the point. My homework is to list my fears and what motivates me. I feel so silly being in therapy. I tell her so much that bothers me is having a mess in the house or the kids. It's like I cannot tell her how I really feel inside. She doesn't do email, so I'm trying to really soul search and figure myself out. I have so many fears but they seem stupid and not worth talking about.

I also don't know what motivates me. She said she knows shopping does, but what else? I don't feel like I have anything. I have my kids and husband and every day seems like the same thing. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. While I'm not nearly as depressed as I was when I started therapy last June, I've been feeling pretty low lately. I know so much of my self hatred comes from the ED that I say I'm over, but the ED and SI is a daily battle. I have to talk myself out of SI almost daily. I've never told anyone this before but I'm afraid of one day just deciding not to go on anymore. I'm afraid if I tell someone(anyone, even T) how I really feel inside that I'll lose my family.

HOW do I put these into words? ...words that I can share with her... because obviously those ^ are words

[Dr.Muffin]

why can't you share those words?