[elliemay]

"I will never leave you because of something you did, or said or felt."

"I want you to understand that and allow yourself to feel worthy of it, because you are."

Yep, that's what he said.
Yep, it's reaching my heart.

I can't describe the joy, gratitude and freedom I feel.

I feel like a little ballerina in the palm of his open hand.

I know I can dance because his hand will never ever close.

I can dance anywhere because I know how.

And, oh yeah, I'm dancing.

Finally.

[Elli-Beth]

So cool!

(((((((((((Ellie)))))))))))))))

How healing to hear those words, and to feel, know, and own the truth of them.

Keep dancing

[granite1]

those words are great please keep these words in your head they truely are healing and must have done wonders for your level of trust

[onlymedid]

That is so awesome!

[sunrise]

How reassuring to hear those words! They can open a lot of doors. I'm happy for you.

[jasm2376]

that is sweet

[jexa]

That's awesome! I love your metaphor.. to feel so free and safe.. to dance in his hand.. That is a wonderful feeling to have, a wonderful way to describe the feeling of emotional safety

[elliemay]

Thanks everyone. I've never been much of a reacher-outer type person. I'm much more of a stuffer.

Lately though, one phrase kept echoing through my mind. It's from a quote by Dawna Markova.

"I choose to risk my significance".

During my regularly scheduled session, my therapist and I discussed two dreams that were outrageously disturbing to me. I will admit, this time has been a very active one for me in terms of emotion, and it was literally pouring into my dreams.

I knew it would take a while to sort through these two.

The next day, I don't know, but I was just all torn up inside. I had no idea what was going on, but it was manifesting as an ache, almost a panic to see him.

I had two choices: stuff that feeling, or lean into it.

I chose to lean into it, call him, and express that desire to see him.

It lead to this incredible moment of actually feeling such incredible pain and awfulness in his office. Actually allowing myself to feel all the shame, and unworthiness, and horribleness that was inside me. Buried under layers and layers of fear.

I chose to risk my significance.

He literally leaned into me, and I don't know, his words touched something so central, so at the core. That's it, it was a core belief that I had to challenge. Look at, lay bare in front of someone. Let it be seen.

In that moment, I had never in my whole life felt so small, yet so very very beautiful.

I feel such an incredible lightness now. I feel like I can dance in the open palm of the world.