T Today

Well, I am still emotionally numb. We talked about the email thing from last week and how I cried after session. We talked about how it related to my past issues of trying to share important things with my youth pastor once but he didn't read what I wrote so I took back the note. Not just any note. It was a goodbye note. Thankfully it wasn't goodbye.

Anyway, T was kind. He wrote a lot this time in my file. At the end, he was telling me about how hard it was for survivors to hear good stuff about themselves. It is easier to accept the flaws people point out because of the abuse - we often could not put together mentally how we managed to get hurt by abusers and so we thought it was our fault. So it is hard to accept anything good about us.

So I decided to risk it and ask him for one "gold" about me. He was so cute because he acted like he had a ton of stuff to go through and tons of good things about me. I think I blushed. I said "Just ONE!" I could not take a list!!

My T told me that I had the biggest heart of anyone he ever met in his life.



I still don't feel anything for him good or bad. But that did open me up a little. He kept asking "What is the worst that can happen if you let yourself feel?" See... that IS the bad part. That is the hard part! I never again want to feel what I did after that last session. But I miss feeling for my T too.

OMG Wepow...what a response! I'm sure that is one of the best things you could possibly hear. How incredibly sweet of your T, he continues to amaze me with his words...

He is right, you do have a very big heart

((((((WePow))))))

Your post made me want to smile and cry at the same time. You DO have the biggest heart ! I see it in your posts when you are responding to others and helping me in particular too. Of course your T has tons of good things to say about you because you're a very special person!!!!

I'm sorry that you are still hurting so much about last session but I can understand. I still feel hurt about my T changing the email rules. I have one email where she responded to each part I wrote, in red, and said she was doing it because that way she could respond to all of it. I was so happy after that email. Then, she changed her mind and decided not to respond to each part of my email. It's still a big hurt to me.

I hope that you will learn to your T again. I think you will.

Oh, WePow, you DO have the biggest heart, you have an awesome and awesomely big huge heart!
I love your T for telling you that, it was so good he did that! I hope you can feel for him again soon and feel like you will!

[quote=WePow;1791665]My T told me that I had the biggest heart of anyone he ever met in his life.

quote]

I know one thing, your words of encouragment to me have meant so much. You are a very compassionate person. You are a giving person. Yes, it appears that you DO have a big heart.

WePow this is SO true!!

I see your big heart too!

((hugs))
That is lovely what he said and I bet its 10000% true!

Take one small step at a time

(((((All)))))) you guys are so awesome! Thank you so much.

I was reading a lot of posts I want to reply to, but we had storms the past couple days and work is crazy! So I don't think I am going to have any time until Thursday or this weekend depending on how long it takes to pick up the pieces of our network again. But I will resume posting ASAP :-) Thank you again so much!

(((((((((((WePow)))))))))))))

I love what your T said (<- your big heart!! )

It's okay to be in the middle place of feeling love for T and still feeling a little closed off. All of it can be true at the same time...you can love T, your feelings can still be hurt, he can love you, he can make a mistake. That is a relationship.

to you!