[nannypat]

My fairly new T (he is my pdoc also) doesn't seem to be into touch at all. My previous T also my pdoc used to give me hugs and comfort me frequently. I miss his hugs a lot. I also have a cognitive therapist who may put her habd on my shoulder, or pat my hand and I know this is a stretch for her as far as touch. She is far from being cold, that is just her policy.
When I left my T yesterday, I never new I could feel hug without him ever touching me, but I did. His gentle words of caring, and encouragement engulfed me as if it was him wrapping his arms around me. He told me how he thought I was the kindest person he had ever met and that he was happy to have the chance to work with me and I don't even remember what else he ended with. I started to cry just like I used to when my old T used to hug me. I never would have guessed I could feel that way without actual touch and I can't even imagine if he did touch me,but I don't need him to. He is so skilled with his words. This is totally new to me. I think this is going to be ok.

[BethD1980]

thats awesome !

[Elli-Beth]

I don't have icons right now but here's a BIG SMILEY FACE :-) for you!

[ladyjrnlist]

My T is pretty good as hugs with words, too. it's a neat feeling, isn't it?

[nannypat]

Originally Posted by ladyjrnlist

My T is pretty good as hugs with words, too. it's a neat feeling, isn't it?

Yes, and I didn't know it was possible!

[peaches100]

Nannypat,

I am so glad you felt hugged with words!!!!!

I have also felt hugged with words before. Having felt both verbal hugs and real ones, there have been times when the verbal ones went deeper and felt better!! With the literal hugs, i am sometimes a little closed off, so that i don't truly feel it all the way inside. I don't want to be that way, but it's a self-protective things I've learned, and is hard to overcome. But the kind words penetrate deeper sometimes.

[SpiritRunner]

sounds wonderful! I am learning my t can do this for me too, she uses her words so well too, and it does feel almost as comforting to me as the touch.....in time, maybe i will learn to feel that it IS as comforting as the touch!

[PreacherHeckler]

That's so cool, nannypat! I never thought it would be possible for me, either, and I used to get SO angry at my T for withholding something I thought I desperately needed from him. But amazingly I actually DID learn how to feel deeply cared for through his words, and that taught me I don't need to rely on only one way to feel close to someone. I've learned so much more about myself and about my behavior in relationships by NOT getting the things that I felt most desperae for in our relationship, and by talking about the desperation and the intense feelings instead.

[nannypat]

AS much as I loved my hugs from my former T, I sometimes felt needy or guilty because I needed them to get through the week. He would ask me if they lasted me through the week and I found I had to say part of the time. It will be interesting to see if I can remember the words and the tone of his voice and replay it in my head during the week if it will feel like it will last longer. I know this may sound silly but I guess we each come up with our own coping skills to get through from session to session. Thanks for all the positive feedback. It is beginning to feel like I belong to a group here. I don't feel like I belong much of anywhere most of the time. I said to my T yesterday that it is pretty sad that the only place I felt I belonged among my peers was in a trauma unit at a mental hospital.

[WePow]

WAY TO GO !!!!!! Wow!

[anilam]

I know this. Not with words but sometimes he looks at me, his eyes all kind and special grin on his face.
I feel like it is all going to be alright.

[granite1]

wow so awsome that you were able to feel this.sounds so powerfull and healing.along with respecting the no touch thing.thats great

[Seshat]

So cool! Congrats!

[nannypat]

I told my T this week how he made me feel hugged with his words( as the tears were streaming down my face.) He told me that that was was what he meant his words to do and he was glad I could feel it. This week he asked me to try and take a little piece of him home with me. I could get used to this.