[Suratji]

Why oh why does an event from the past, that is over, completely over and has little or no influence on my life now, when remembered still brings pain and tears. I mean, it's over!!!!!

[rainbow8]

Maybe because your conscious mind tells you it's over, but your unconscious or subconscious mind does not feel like it's over?

[maggyjo]

I think that is a good thing, maybe a step towards healing. Past events for me bring up no feelings what so ever. And in RL I seem to have little feelings.

Maybe it's not about getting over it, but through it.

Maggy Jo

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by maggyjo

I think that is a good thing, maybe a step towards healing. Past events for me bring up no feelings what so ever. And in RL I seem to have little feelings.

Maybe it's not about getting over it, but through it.

Maggy Jo

I see T in 30 minutes and she's explained it to me so many times but I just can't seem to really 'get' it. I guess we'll stroll down memory lane today in session.

I used to have little feelings before I started therapy but I was shut down big time and they were buried deep and deeply dangerous. Coming out of their hiding place has caused quite some turmoil but I think it may be worth it.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Suratji

Why oh why does an event from the past, that is over, completely over and has little or no influence on my life now, when remembered still brings pain and tears. I mean, it's over!!!!!

But those ruts in your mind (neuronal pathways) are still there; they are NOT over. Little or no influence on your life now, but when remembered brings pain and tears? Doesn't sound like "over" to me. Doesn't sound like "no influence" to me.

[Perna]

When we bury/hide something from ourselves, it becomes ignored. When we stop ignoring it, the pain is there and takes as long to heal "now" as it would have "then"?

[kitten16]

Yes, this sounds exciting actually. Something has broken through, and now you can start working on it. It does sound painful, but this is what therapy is supposed to do. You're doing it!

[SpiritRunner]

your mind says it's over, but your heart knows it is not.....there are still emotions rising up to deal with.

[Sannah]

Because you are still carrying those unexpressed feelings around with you.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Because you are still carrying those unexpressed feelings around with you.

I've learned in just that past 5 days how much we can learn from past experiences. If I am continuing to view the world the way I did then and if I never allowed those feelings to be brought forth and honored, I will be haunted forever by them.

The pain of the excavation will be worth it because the fossil then can be seen clearly for what it really is - a lifeless stack of bones. They held too much power over my imagination/feelings when they was buried deep.

[Sannah]

Ahhh, very good!

[Suratji]

My T has always told me to trust the process. The thing is, I wasn't quite sure in my brain what the process was so how could I trust it? I'm going to talk to her about infusing our conversations with more clarity. Maybe T's think that most people just want some guidance without wanting to know how it works. But that's not how I am able to tackle problems. I also need rational explanations.

For me, since I've read a lot in the last couple of months, it has helped me gain an understanding so that I can trust the process more. What I have read just in the past 5 days has completely changed my outlook on therapy.

Now if T had explained it more fully at the beginning I may have had to avoid some of the anguish. But, maybe not. Maybe the intellectual knowledge would not have helped until I actually experienced it.

Still, when she has used words like 'attachment' without explaining how it works in therapy, I was confused. I am no longer confused because I've studied up on it.

So, the use ofjargon should be made against the law by T to client. Also, it seems like they should warn that we'll be going through some crazy emotional times after beginning therapy. But maybe they can't offer that warning because maybe not too many people experience that.

It just seems like T's keep too much of their judgment about us to themselves. Maybe the whole process is for us to really feel what's going on instead of just being told what's going on.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Suratji

Maybe the whole process is for us to really feel what's going on instead of just being told what's going on.

I sure hope not. I hate it when that happens.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Suratji

It just seems like T's keep too much of their judgment about us to themselves. Maybe the whole process is for us to really feel what's going on instead of just being told what's going on.

I suspect you overestimate the amount that T's are in control or know what the plan is...

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I suspect you overestimate the amount that T's are in control or know what the plan is...

You've got a point there. We need to be as informed consumers as we possibly can and not necessarily trust or believe everything a T says. I challenge my T all the time , but it's good and she has been able to meet my challenges. I don't have blind trust but I'm growing to trust her more and more each session.

[rainbow8]

It just seems like T's keep too much of their judgment about us to themselves. Maybe the whole process is for us to really feel what's going on instead of just being told what's going on.

I'm not sure if it exactly relates to your above quote or generally about your wanting to understand about attachment, transference, and so on. i also wanted to understand everything about therapy and know what all the words meant. But that didn't help me! What helps me is feeling, not thinking. My told me I intellectualize everything but I don't feel it. I could write a book sbout therapy and feelings but it's worth nothing if I can't sit there with my T, look at her, and feel what I'm feeling at that moment.

I think many of us hide behind our intellects. We know the words, the feelings even, but we're still stuck until we "let ourselves" just feel whatever we're feeling in the presence of our T. The healing comes when we can share our deepest self with someone else and then realize that what we need to be doing is accepting those parts of us that we usually keep hidden from everyone, even from ourselves.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by Suratji

My T has always told me to trust the process. The thing is, I wasn't quite sure in my brain what the process was so how could I trust it? I'm going to talk to her about infusing our conversations with more clarity. Maybe T's think that most people just want some guidance without wanting to know how it works. But that's not how I am able to tackle problems. I also need rational explanations.

For me, since I've read a lot in the last couple of months, it has helped me gain an understanding so that I can trust the process more. What I have read just in the past 5 days has completely changed my outlook on therapy.

Now if T had explained it more fully at the beginning I may have had to avoid some of the anguish. But, maybe not. Maybe the intellectual knowledge would not have helped until I actually experienced it.

Still, when she has used words like 'attachment' without explaining how it works in therapy, I was confused. I am no longer confused because I've studied up on it.

So, the use ofjargon should be made against the law by T to client. Also, it seems like they should warn that we'll be going through some crazy emotional times after beginning therapy. But maybe they can't offer that warning because maybe not too many people experience that.

It just seems like T's keep too much of their judgment about us to themselves. Maybe the whole process is for us to really feel what's going on instead of just being told what's going on.

the jargon I hate is the word "work." So vague. But something tells me if I ask my t specifically what they mean when they say "work" in some situation, they won't be able to give me a very concrete answer. I will probably ask, anyway, which isn't something I would have done before.

My t did warn me at the beginning that therapy usually gets harder as you go, or something like that. But of course, I had no clue what I was in for. This was a past therapist and the first/only time I experienced some of the transference stuff.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm not sure if it exactly relates to your above quote or generally about your wanting to understand about attachment, transference, and so on. i also wanted to understand everything about therapy and know what all the words meant. But that didn't help me! What helps me is feeling, not thinking. My told me I intellectualize everything but I don't feel it. I could write a book sbout therapy and feelings but it's worth nothing if I can't sit there with my T, look at her, and feel what I'm feeling at that moment.

I think many of us hide behind our intellects. We know the words, the feelings even, but we're still stuck until we "let ourselves" just feel whatever we're feeling in the presence of our T. The healing comes when we can share our deepest self with someone else and then realize that what we need to be doing is accepting those parts of us that we usually keep hidden from everyone, even from ourselves.

Oh, I agree with you completely. That is something T has me working on - getting in touch with emotions instead of always intellectualizing. And you know what? It's working. I am now learning how to pay attention to my body and my feelings and I'm leaning into them and trying to understand what they're telling me. No amount of rational analysis would have had the same positive change in my growing self awareness.

Still, I cannot completely leave my intellect to the side. The more I cognitively understand what's going on with the process, the more I can find my way to trusting it.

So, I think both parts of our brain can work in tandem. The danger is by relying too much on one or the other.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by learning1

the jargon I hate is the word "work." So vague. But something tells me if I ask my t specifically what they mean when they say "work" in some situation, they won't be able to give me a very concrete answer. I will probably ask, anyway, which isn't something I would have done before.

My t did warn me at the beginning that therapy usually gets harder as you go, or something like that. But of course, I had no clue what I was in for. This was a past therapist and the first/only time I experienced some of the transference stuff.

I'm wondering if your T means by 'work' is the same as the 'process'. It is just allowing the emotions to come forth and do their 'work'. Which is by presenting themselves and we acknowledging them - that is the work. And then by going towards them to trying to understand them - that is the work. And then by understanding, ways are learned to effect change in ourselves - that is the work.

That is just my interpretation. My T has never fully explained it to me where I can understand it.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Suratji

Still, I cannot completely leave my intellect to the side. The more I cognitively understand what's going on with the process, the more I can find my way to trusting it.

Maybe this has to do with control? You know, when we need to feel in control so that we can feel safe?

But I agree, you do need to understand what is going on too. Your work on your feelings sounds very good!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by learning1

My t did warn me at the beginning that therapy usually gets harder as you go, or something like that. .

it does?? More, even ??? when does it start to get easier???

no kidding, seriously I want to know. If it's going to get harder than this, yikes.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

it does?? More, even ??? when does it start to get easier???

no kidding, seriously I want to know. If it's going to get harder than this, yikes.

Good question to ask T.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Suratji

Good question to ask T.

I might; but right now I'm asking you (PC).

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I might; but right now I'm asking you (PC).

I don't have much personal experience since it's been only 4 months since I've started with therapy but from what I've read, I believe it does. I think the time needed depends on so many factors: how deep the wounds are, how much a person is able to work on it, how well do we relate to our therapist, how many issues are there, etc. etc.

Any wound, when being cleaned, hurts at first. And the pain continues for awhile. If we don't attend to the wound and keep ignoring it, we probably will re-wound ourselves. Or, if the wound is very deep, the healing will take much longer. Will it heal eventually, sure? How long will it take? Not known exactly.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by Suratji

I'm wondering if your T means by 'work' is the same as the 'process'. It is just allowing the emotions to come forth and do their 'work'. Which is by presenting themselves and we acknowledging them - that is the work. And then by going towards them to trying to understand them - that is the work. And then by understanding, ways are learned to effect change in ourselves - that is the work.

That is just my interpretation. My T has never fully explained it to me where I can understand it.

Thanks Suratji. I expect that interpretation makes sense for some of the times t's have used the word "work" with me, at least. It's a while since that's come up but I just generally remember that being a vague word I hear from them. One time, a t said "work" on your relationship and that was hard to understand because I did think about it and struggle over what to do constantly, but I don't think the things I was doing were what the t meant. Anyway, it was a long time ago.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

it does?? More, even ??? when does it start to get easier???

no kidding, seriously I want to know. If it's going to get harder than this, yikes.

SAWS, it was in couple's therapy, which could be different. And it could be that t's style or something. I've never heard anyone else say this. So sorry if I scared you. I wasn't thinking therapy generally gets harder as you go; I was just relating to Suratji's point about t's warning us ahead of time. But the warning didn't mean much to me because I didn't understand it until I was in the middle of the difficult stuff. Anyway, I agree w Suratji, probably wouldn't hurt to ask your t.