[Lexicon78]

Yesterday I was at partial and one of the therapists and I were talking about relationships. Well, I revealed to him last week that I was bi. Yesterday he said he wished he could find a bi chic like me. I don't know what to think because I don't know if he was just making a statement or flirting with me.

Should I steer clear of this guy or try to talk to him about it or both? I don't know. My boyfriend would freak if he knew what was going on at partial because he really likes this guy a lot. (We're both in partial but go on different days)

Any suggestions?

[gardenergirl]

I think this was very inappropriate for the therapist to say to you. He may not have realized what he was saying, may have been trying to show acceptance, or maybe was flirting. I don't know if steering clear of the guy is a good way to go, but if you were uncomfortable with what he said, you might tell him. Or see if he says or does something like that again, and if so, set a boundary that this is not appropriate between a therapist and a client.

Good luck.

gg

[jennie]

hopefully you can tell that therapist that you don't appreciate comments like that.

OMG!!! That is so out of line. For me.. that would make me leave. Although im totally creeped out by pervs. Just make sure you look out for yourself

[allthegirls6]

Lexicon,

I read your post and my first reaction was surprise. I suppose I would be surprised if my therapist made a sexual innuendo with me. I sort think it would make me feel uncomfortable. If she were to talk about sex in general that would be fine, but to make a comment that has a sexual innuendo between me and her then ..........................It makes me feel uncomfortable.

I suppose it just feels wrong to me. If it happened to me I would have to talk about it and make her see that i didnt like it. Plus, Ts and clients can be physically close, I know I am with mine, you know, hugs and cuddles and so on. But it would all feel very different if I felt there was a sexual agenda behind it and then i would be too worried about what was going on instead of just accepting it as a wholesome interaction.

I would be looking to talk about it, clear the air and get a better understanding of what was behind the remark.

It may well be that it was a clumsy attempt at showing acceptance, in which case you have no worries. It may be that it is something quite different and if thats the case you need to sort it out.

I would be really interested to know what the outcome is if you are OK to share

all the girls

[JustBen]

I'm with gardengirl. Talk to him about it. That sort of comment is out of line, and if it makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to put up with it.

[90mphINneutral]

I wish my therapist would come on to me like that.

[(JD)]

The first reaction might have been, "What?" or "Would you repeat that?" Since that opportunity is gone, I would surely talk to the T about it, and make sure you heard what he meant. ((lexi)))

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((lexi))))))))))))

I agree that you should talk with him about his statement. I hope that he gives you a satisfactory answer. Even if he doesn't, your asking him about it should let him know that his statement stuck with you for a reason. Hopefully, it can be talked through and he'll think before making such statements in the future without going into in depth reasoning for it.

Good luck! Let us know?

KD

[dexter]

Yes I agree that is a VERY inappropriate statement for a T no matter what he meant by it.

IF you otherwise trust this guy I think it is worth clarifying. For example maybe he meant it as an off-the-cuff joke, one of those things that trips out of your mouth and then you realize you shouldn't have said it. Or maybe he has some issues there and it was a joke borne of a Fruedian slip?

I still think a T should know better to watch his language, but we can all make mistakes, and if it is worth it to you to continue this relationship (patient and therapist relationship... I didn't mean something more!) you should let him know it stuck with you and clarify what he meant... if he meant anything at all... by it.

what is " partial"?

[(JD)]

I think he meant it as a compliment.... like, you're a great person and in the whole scheme of things,, you rise above the non-bi ladies he's met!

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Depends on how you felt about it..For ME I would find it a compliment but then again I am not normal.......

[dexter]

>>what is " partial"?

Partial Hospital Program (a daily outpatient program)

[hereiam]

I think maybe he was trying to show he's accepting of your sexual status, but at the same time, it all really depends on how he said it. If he WAS hitting on you, then you either need to address it immediately or find a new therapist. It's unacceptable behavior.

Thanks. Now that I know what it is I agree he had no right to say that. The group is not specifically geared to discussing Bi relationships so his views was not appropiate. Now if it was a group specifically geared for discussing bi relationships AND someone ASKED him his views on the topic then yes it would have been appropiate but by itself it was not.

[Lexicon78]

I'm too afraid to confront him because I don't know how he will interact with me after I confront him. It really scares me to death to confront him on the situation...

you said there were two groups one your boyfriend is in and the one you are in. how about trying to switch groups. I did that when I wan't comfortable with a depression management group. I knew I needed to go but the group I was in had 4 people - 3 guys and me and one I just wanted to strangle him because he came in every week with the same problems and never tried any of ours or the facilitaors suggestions. And then there was the fact that my abuser was a man so I wasn't comfortable being in the room with 3 men. So I switched over from that group to the evening group. which was a much better fit.

Therapists also have supervisors. Its their job to deal with these types of problems so there is no need for you to confront him. All you need to do is put in writing what happened and submit it to the supervisor. Include the fact that you are afraid and intimidated by the thought of what he may do because of your reporting him. The supervisor will see to it that he does not threaten or harm you in any way.