Had to give up therapy - miss my T

I have never been able to talk in therapy sessions. I finally found a t who I trusted more than any others in the past and who didn't pressure me or push his agenda on me for what he thought I needed for my life (like previous t's had done - ie forcing me to talk about past traumas that I couldn't, insisting I had to be around people and socialize all the time in order to be happy, etc). But I still couldn't talk to him - even after more than a year. And it got to a point where it was unbearable for both of us - I told him I couldn't come anymore because it was so difficult for me (not being able to talk, the stress/anxiety of going to the appointments, etc.) and he said he had run out of ideas on how to help me and didn't know what to do either - he was at a loss.

It has been almost half a year and circumstances haven't changed...ie I don't think I could go and talk and be any more productive now - and I'm sure he has no other ideas as he had run out of them. But I miss therapy terribly. It wouldn't be any different with another t....I have tried so many, he was the best. I wish I could go back but I can't because nothing is different. I guess this is just a vent post because I don't see that there is any solution. It is just when I had therapy, at least I had something....this "thing"/"event" to carry me from one week to the next.

Anyway, thanks for listening. My heart is so broken.

Sorry Thimble. Did you stop therapy or did he stop it because he felt he couldn't help you? Because it sounds like to me that you were getting something from it.........."it carried you from one week to the next". I'm sorry your heart is broken. I have totally been there.

I'm so sorry It sounds heartbreaking.

My heart goes out to you so much at this moment. Why not just get what you want for once. Who cares about the rest?

I am so sorry.......it sounds so hard for you.
but, why not try again, especially if you miss it so badly?!

I agree, it's worth a shot. Maybe try a session or 2 and see if it's any different?

I really believe he was relieved when I said I couldn't handle the anxiety of it anymore. He tried so, so hard to fill the sessions and make them productive. And I think he was *so* incredibly thankful when he didn't have to do it anymore. I think it was frustrating him and totally stressing him out to have to do all the talking when I couldn't. And I think it is highly likely he would tell me no, I can't come back or worse, feel trapped into it and forced to take me back (because he didn't want to humiliate me and say no) and I don't want to do that to him. Put him in that horrible uncomfortable position again. Especially when I do believe he could fill up his schedule with clients that are better able to be productive and definitely more able to talk (and that are therefore more personally rewarding to him, ie he can feel a sense of accomplishment at having helped them).

Lots of "thinking" but not knowing here...?

Thimble you are considering what would be rewarding and what would make your therapist feel good so much. Wouldn't it be rewarding for a T to work with a patient who is able see the whole picture that way? I think that is a fantastic quality to bring to therapy and to me that points to there being an emotional connection that might make it worth going back.

Sometimes these urges just come into our lives...and I dunno I'm not the best at following this advice but I vote for DO IT! The most you could lose is the possibility of doing it later.

My T spent a couple of years doing most of the talking, the best I could do was share some of my journal entries and sketch book. I'm sure he felt frustrated, but he didn't give up on me. He helped me find my voice. Sometimes, he still winds up doing most of the talking. I wonder where I'd be if I had given up like I wanted to. It's not easy and I'm not always in a good place, but ultimately I think this is what I need to do. I still have the times when I wonder if he wishes I had quit and I still have days when I want to quit because it is too much. I still think you should give it another try!

I was in therapy with my T, the first time for 9 years and didn't really make any headway/talk for about 7-1/2 of them. When I went back after several years away, it was much different; I had changed (unbeknownst to me :-) but what really surprised me was that T had changed!

I would set up/try a few sessions, see if how you feel and what you want and are capable of have changed. It sounds like you quit because the pain was more than the gain but now maybe your wants and desires will be greater than the pain and be able to keep you moving forward. It's never easy or "fun" but sometimes the "have to" is enough to keep us moving forward and moving forward is always a good thing (since we can't very well move backwards). The trick to moving forward is to learn to quit looking backward when you do it

Sometimes the best therapy is just to sit in silence with someone, knowing that they feel your pain and are willing to share it silently with you. If you think your t is frustrated tell him that just being there for you makes all the difference and he doesn't have to say a thing.

Thanks for your support guys. I tried to see if I could come back even if I couldn't talk. He did not say I could. I understand. It was horrible for him (I'm saying that, he didn't say that of course). And I do know his time is better spent elsewhere. But I still reserve the right to be very, very sad and disappointed. I had hoped we might be able to arrange for some kind of sessions even if he didn't want to see me weekly again. I do appreciate you supporting me and telling me to go for it. Because I wanted to see if it was possible - and now I have no regrets.

Hi, Thimble,

when you said "he did not say I could"....did he say you couldn't?

Would you consider trying another therapist? Maybe they will have a different approach, which may help you open up? Also please don't feel that you have to be "the perfect client" there is no such thing. All clients are different and rewarding to work with in their own way. I also think sooooo many clients go into therapy and struggle to open up or talk. I know when I first started Therapy a few years ago with a T I had, I hardly said anything for many months as I just felt unable to but my T was wonderful and understood...as most therapists do.

Please don't feel you can't be helped and supported as you definately can and are just as worthy as anyone is to be a client!

You were right. He didn't say I couldn't...he just didn't say I could.
But now...now he did in fact say yes I can try again.

Sometimes when I'm having trouble talking my T offers to just sit and pass the time with me. And sometimes after 10 or so minutes I will feel relaxed enough to talk. And even if I don't, its still helpful to know that there is somebody waiting for when I change my mind. I vote with going back and seeing how it goes!