[Protoform]

I've posted several threads on this forum about issues concerning my personal therapeutic experience and the pointlessness of my engaging in such endeavors, since nothing a therapist has told me has made me feel better. Nothing people have written on this forum has made me feel better, either. And it's not just that I didn't feel better, it's also that nothing people have told me has led to improvements in my life.

Does it mean that talk therapy with a therapist and written informal therapy with internet strangers is not for me?

Am I the type of mental patient that cannot be healed with words?

And if that's the case does it mean that pharmaceuticals are my only option?

[WePow]

You continue to look outwards for an answer to be handed to you, for a solution to be stated - something you can follow. A roadmap of sorts.

Life is not like this. The journey is within. There is no single answer. There is no mathmatical formula you can follow which will provide a solution to your inner pain.

Healing and growth are what happen along the way, in the course of the marathon called life.

[Protoform]

Originally Posted by WePow

You continue to look outwards for an answer to be handed to you, for a solution to be stated - something you can follow. A roadmap of sorts.

Life is not like this. The journey is within. There is no single answer. There is no mathmatical formula you can follow which will provide a solution to your inner pain.

Healing and growth are what happen along the way, in the course of the marathon called life.

But if nobody can give me the answer and if I am unable to find the answer within myself, then what options do I have left?

[venusss]

Well, words won't help you by themselves...

I think key to healing is a self-discovery. Being pushed out of your comfort zone (safely). Being offered new perspectives you can but don't have to accept. But YOU have to do the work.

Now it depends if you willing to undergo that journey.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Protoform

I've posted several threads on this forum about issues concerning my personal therapeutic experience and the pointlessness of my engaging in such endeavors, since nothing a therapist has told me has made me feel better. Nothing people have written on this forum has made me feel better, either. And it's not just that I didn't feel better, it's also that nothing people have told me has led to improvements in my life.

Does it mean that talk therapy with a therapist and written informal therapy with internet strangers is not for me?

Am I the type of mental patient that cannot be healed with words?

And if that's the case does it mean that pharmaceuticals are my only option?

What if you are not a mental patient at all? What if you are just fine the way you are?

[lastyearisblank]

Well... this is my opinion.

Not everyone can benefit from therapy, and not all therapy benefits everyone equally. I hope that doesn't make you angry, because that is just how it is. We also do not know you well enough to tell what issues you would need therapy for. We literally know nothing about you. So we are probably not going to hit on the correct answer for you.

However, that doesn't mean there isn't an answer. There are a wide variety of questions here that nobody knows the answer to, and you don't know the answer to. These questions are still worth asking. We are not experts nor do we want the extent of our lives to be defined by what we are experts on.

Ideally the way therapy would work is if someone would be able to give you some of the answers and you would be able to find other answers in yourself over time.

The question that is absolutely central to a good outcome is the one that is not in the original post-- is therapy something that you are willing to tolerate despite the discomfort.

[ECHOES]

I think we all have different levels of acceptance and resistance.
None of us begins at the same place in therapy. We begin where we are.
I do think anyone can benefit from a therpeutic relationship.

We also, we as in all people, have get what we expect. If we expect therapy will be no help at all, then it might just be that. To be open to it, to be vulnerable enough to be open to it, to find a way through the resistance of looking within takes time and a different amount of time for each separate individual person.

(I have been in therapy for 4 years but am just beginning to understand that I even have a very strong resistance to looking within. I haven't even started working on what to do about that, but I will persevere because that's what I want to do.)

A person in therapy can doubt all they want to, and resist to the hilt, but if they trust the process and keep going, I believe they will be helped.

"Trust the process" is something my T asked me if I could do when I was not trusting her or myself.

May I ask, when you can think of therapy being helpful to you, what is that like - what do you picture the interaction between you and the therapist to be like, what about it feels like it would be helpful. If you don't could you try an "If only therapy could be like...., " "If only a therapist could....".

[emilyjeanne]

Originally Posted by Protoform

since nothing a therapist has told me has made me feel better. Nothing people have written on this forum has made me feel better, either. And it's not just that I didn't feel better, it's also that nothing people have told me has led to improvements in my life.

Does it mean that talk therapy with a therapist and written informal therapy with internet strangers is not for me?

Am I the type of mental patient that cannot be healed with words?

And if that's the case does it mean that pharmaceuticals are my only option?

Protoform, I've been reading your threads. You may think this response won't help. But please try and read this with an open mind.

I think what you are looking for is a quick fix because of the pain you feel. When you see a therapist they are not suppossed to give you the answers. The whole point is that you are suppossed to talk about your problems and come to your own conclusion. The T is only there to guide you. This doesn't happen in a few sessions. It can take years of talking. When you start to have feelings towards your T, this is called transference and should be discussed fully with your T. If your T cannot or willnot discuss it, then this T isn't the right one for you. Your feelings are valid and when worked thru with your T can improve your life and understanding. The T is not suppossed to give you answers. That is why they always answer a question with a question.

I think that you are doing the same thing here. You want the quick fix to make you feel better. Although this is not therapy this is a supportive environment to discuss with others what is happening and get some feedback.

Medications alone will not help you. The way meds work is they take away the physical symptoms. Which in turn will make it easier to talk about your problems.

I remember you were frustrated that a Pdoc wouldn't accept you if you were not in therapy. That is standard operating procedure. Because Meds alone don't work.

Here is my 2cents.......

Find a male Pdoc who does therapy. Especially since you had a hard time with a female T. Not all male T's are mean and nasty. The key to making therapy work is that you need to find someone who you can click with. It may take you 10 different appointments with 10 different therapists before you find the right one.

I would shop until you find the right one. Don't give up. It has been my experience that finding the right T makes all the difference.

I wish you luck and hope that you can open up enough to take in what I have said today.

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by emilyjeanne

The T is not suppossed to give you answers. That is why they always answer a question with a question.

My therapist does not answer my questions with a question. She gives me her professional opinions and does try to help me with advice and suggestions. I think therapists do try to help clients figure things out for themselves but they don't all just sit and listen while you stay stuck trying to figure things out. Maybe some do that, but not all and I wouldn't want a T who answered every question with another question. Maybe it's the CBT/DBT orientation that would be a better fit for you protoform. But even then, the client must do the hard work that is involved in making changes in order to have a better and less painful life.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Protoform

...nothing a therapist has told me has made me feel better. Nothing people have written on this forum has made me feel better, either. And it's not just that I didn't feel better, it's also that nothing people have told me has led to improvements in my life...

Am I the type of mental patient that cannot be healed with words?

It's not the words going in that are helpful, but the words you find to express your wishes -- the words going out from you. I think therapy should provide encouragement for you to express what you want to, not just a place for someone to send words in your direction.

[Fartraveler]

"As long as patients persist in believing that their major problems are a result of something outside themselves -- the actions of other people, bad nerves, social class injustices, genes -- then we therapists are limited in what we can offer. . . .if we hope for more significant therapeutic change, we must encourage our patients to assume responsibility -- that is, to apprehend how they themselves contribute to their own distress." from "The Gift of Therapy, by Irvin Yalom.

I thought of this when I read your post. You've spoken about how you blame your therapist for your distress in therapy.

I've posted several threads on this forum about issues concerning my personal therapeutic experience and the pointlessness of my engaging in such endeavors, since nothing a therapist has told me has made me feel better.

and

Nothing people have written on this forum has made me feel better, either. And it's not just that I didn't feel better, it's also that nothing people have told me has led to improvements in my life.

It seems like you have a strong expectation that other people will make you feel better. Perhaps your expectation is unrealistic? Perhaps it is the expectation itself that is hurting you? Perhaps it is your expectation that is keeping you from moving forward?

I ask you: how are you yourself contributing to your own distress?

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

"As long as patients persist in believing that their major problems are a result of something outside themselves -- the actions of other people, bad nerves, social class injustices, genes -- then we therapists are limited in what we can offer. . . ." from "The Gift of Therapy, by Irvin Yalom.

I've never liked this approach. It is too easy to hear this as "all your problems are your own fault" -- a message that I was told many times as a child. It misses that at one time, at least, problems were due to something outside oneself, actions by someone that one depended on, and one could see no way to cope with that. Transitioning to seeing some way to cope is not an easy task.

[maggyjo]

Maybe therapy doesn't work for everybody, I am still not sure it will work for me, but I am trying with a new T.

My old T had great ethics, good boundaries and was a T for the right reasons, but after a year with her things just were not working. One of the hardest things I have ever done is to leave her and find someone else. I truly care for her and it really hurt.

I also started meds for the first time in my life. I am very anti medication, but so far it has seemed to help some. My Pdoc is really nice she really listens to me and lets me ask as many questions as I want.

I guess maybe your question should be what are you going to do now??? Are you giving up on therapy??? Have you considered other options, like CBT, or biofeedback???

Maggy Jo

[Protoform]

Originally Posted by maggyjo

Maybe therapy doesn't work for everybody, I am still not sure it will work for me, but I am trying with a new T.

My old T had great ethics, good boundaries and was a T for the right reasons, but after a year with her things just were not working. One of the hardest things I have ever done is to leave her and find someone else. I truly care for her and it really hurt.

I also started meds for the first time in my life. I am very anti medication, but so far it has seemed to help some. My Pdoc is really nice she really listens to me and lets me ask as many questions as I want.

I guess maybe your question should be what are you going to do now??? Are you giving up on therapy??? Have you considered other options, like CBT, or biofeedback???

Maggy Jo

CBT was useless. I hope to not do CBT ever again. I don't know what is biofeedback.

[lastyearisblank]

Oh hey! Any thoughts on the other stuff?

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I've never liked this approach. It is too easy to hear this as "all your problems are your own fault" -- a message that I was told many times as a child. It misses that at one time, at least, problems were due to something outside oneself, actions by someone that one depended on, and one could see no way to cope with that. Transitioning to seeing some way to cope is not an easy task.

This approach is easy to hear that we are to blame for everything. Obviously we aren't. All of our experiences lead us to where we are right now. There are things that happened that we cannot and must not assume responsibility for. However, there are things that are very much in our power to work on and change.

It just takes time to parse out what what goes where you know?

[dizgirl2011]

Maybe you are not at the right place to really make Therapy work for you at the moment?
You tend to answer people's suggestions with a statement that shows you are not open to what they have said but are determined to come back at their suggestion with another argument to try and prove them wrong....prove us all wrong. I am not saying you have to accept people's suggestions all the time or at all really but I don't think you are at a place at the moment to really take anyone elses opinion on board.

I feel for you with what happened with your Female therapist, transference hurts but you are blaming her for not stopping you from feeling the way you do or for not warning you of every possible feeling you may get from a theraputic relationship - which again is placing the blame outside of you and onto someone else.

I know you will probably come back at my comment with something to argue I am wrong, as you do with most people's. I have seen so many people try to offer you friendly advice, even when your answers to them have been quite abrupt at times.

I am really not sure what will help you at the moment, you could try again with another T to see how it goes. Finding what works for you is going to be a matter of trial and error like it is for most of us unfortunately.

[maggyjo]

Yeah I found CBT useless too.

I really been struggling with mental illness for 10 years now, and I have been where you are now. It really hard to pull it back together and figure out what to do next.

I agree with the previous poster too. Transference hurts and it is the worst sort of pain and there is no guarantee it won't happen again. Even if you do chose a male T you can experience transference in a different sorta way and it can be just as painful.

I guess it all come down to weather you are willing to try again?

I have kids who need me, so even if it's only a slim chance T may work I need to try it.

Maggy Jo

I agree, transference hurts! Been there, done that. But I also know that without that pain I would have never been able to do exactly what a lot of people here are talking about--taking a good, long, hard look at myself and how I relate to people. It hurts and it doesn't stop hurting until I work through it to the end. If I run from it, I will just continue to engage with people in my old familiar ways, wondering why I'm not getting any better or any happier. I'm not saying that I have to find blame or whip myself for being a bad person, but I need to take responsibility for my part in any relationship (friendship and/or intimate). If I'm always angry or rejecting or I'm always watching for signs of rejection or I'm always thinking of the next clever thing I'm going to say before the other person's even done talking or if I'm always finding fault with the other person's ideas and/or beliefs, then I have to begin to accept that I might be closing myself off to real opportunities to learn how to engage more effectively with others. Just my take on the issue.