[Brighid]

Has anyone ever felt SO anxious that you become irritated at every single thing someone does? Its to the point where they repeat the same thing over and over again within 30 minutes like you didn't hear it the first time. For example, a family member of mine, stops by my house EVERY SINGLE DAY and stays for HOURS. I LOVE this person, I do....but it's like she runs out things to talk about so she repeats EVERYTHING, like "omg...look, look....i cannot believe your animal is doing that!" then, 20 minutes later she repeats it AGAIN! Well, then this person drives so incredibly slow when we go places, because she *****es about EVERYTHING wrong in her life, and I tell her to go to the doctors but she won't, so she sits there and *****es with a high-pitched tone that gets me so irritated I get a headache and that it really get under my skin! I just wanna take my whole bottle of nerve pills to calm down. Does anyone else go through this irritation? I mean I love this person with all my heart and soul but man!
I don't lead on on the aggravation because I don't wanna hurt the persons feelings but OMG I can only take so much. Then she purposely gets my animals all fired up and running rampid through the house because she thinks it i funny, when this person KNOWS how anxious and nervous it makes me!

Then on top of that, I am so nervous about the next sessions with my therapist....spilling the beans on feelings towards him , i've slept 12 hours today!

[ECHOES]

I don't have anyone like that in my life, but I had something similar. I had a neighbor whom I really adored, like a sister. And for a while when I came home from work, by the time I got from my car to the front steps, she was there and ready to visit. I finally had to speak up and tell her that I need some time after work before I'm ready to visit.

So, if I had someone visit me and stay for hours and that person irritated me, I would speak up and start limiting the visiting time. If she shows up, tell her you are glad to see her and you can visit until such-and-such a time, then you will be busy with other things. (If she asks what you will be doing, you keep repeating 'other things' when she asks.) If she shows up and you don't feel like visiting, then just let her know that you just aren't up to visiting that day. Maybe more time apart will make the time spent together more interesting. And when she gets the animals excited, you will have to tell her clearly you don't want her to do that. She's doing whatever she wants and not getting any feedback from you, so that's what she'll keep doing. When you start setting some boundaries for her, then you'll both feel better.

What do you think?

[PTSDlovemycats]

Sorry I can't relate but it definitely sounds annoying and irritating!

[dizgirl2011]

Hey there,

I don't exactly have someone in my life like this to the same extent but I can understand why it's getting to you.

This is someone you obviously care about and they probably don't realise what they are doing but you need to ask yourself - does this person care about you? And if so how would they feel to know what they do is upsetting you? Would they change their behaviour because they tought as much of you as you do for them?
By not telling this person how they affect you, are you really caring for them as they have to know how to behave in the real world.

I am concerned that although you care for this person, you are having to neglect yourself and put yourself in harms way, mentally in order to allow their unhealthy behaviour to continue. It sounds like you need to put up some personal boundaries and if this person cares about you and wants to be part of your life in a positive way then they need to accept that.

Do they need to be at your house every day for hours on end? Would it be better to arrange what days you want to meet up which would mean you could spend more quality time together. when it comes to upsetting your pets I would tell her straight that she has to stop it or else she cannot come into your home - straight as that because it is unfair to the animals and to you.

You may feel like by pointing out your boundaries you are being cruel to her but the fact is, she is being cruel to you and hurting you at the moment and you are only asking to be respected - no more, no less - so how can it be cruel to want that?

Is it worth having this unhealthy relationship? or is it worth trying to change it for the better even if it is hard to do?

*huge hugs*

[SpiritRunner]

It does sound irritating, beyond irritating! This person seems not to have respect for you or your boundaries and it's time to set some firmer boundaries like have been suggested. As it is, the relationship sounds very toxic for you and it's no wonder your anxiety is high! Especially with other things you have on your mind, like talking to T about your feelings for him.......

[Brighid]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I don't have anyone like that in my life, but I had something similar. I had a neighbor whom I really adored, like a sister. And for a while when I came home from work, by the time I got from my car to the front steps, she was there and ready to visit. I finally had to speak up and tell her that I need some time after work before I'm ready to visit.

So, if I had someone visit me and stay for hours and that person irritated me, I would speak up and start limiting the visiting time. If she shows up, tell her you are glad to see her and you can visit until such-and-such a time, then you will be busy with other things. (If she asks what you will be doing, you keep repeating 'other things' when she asks.) If she shows up and you don't feel like visiting, then just let her know that you just aren't up to visiting that day. Maybe more time apart will make the time spent together more interesting. And when she gets the animals excited, you will have to tell her clearly you don't want her to do that. She's doing whatever she wants and not getting any feedback from you, so that's what she'll keep doing. When you start setting some boundaries for her, then you'll both feel better.

What do you think?

Very good and sound advice! With the animals....I do tell her and it's like she doesnt hear me, or she just doesn't care. I doubt it's because she doesn't care. I ignore the calls on my cell 'sometimes' when she calls and the texts, but then she just comes out and walks right in. The other day I was sleeping and JUST fell esleep and in she walks all five dogs start barking and I was just so drained....but I didnt say anything. I know part of it is my fault, but it's hard for me to be stern with people.

[Brighid]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Sorry I can't relate but it definitely sounds annoying and irritating!

LOL, YES it is!

[Brighid]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey there,

I don't exactly have someone in my life like this to the same extent but I can understand why it's getting to you.
At first is was just an 'ok, she doesn't know how I feel

This is someone you obviously care about and they probably don't realise what they are doing but you need to ask yourself - does this person care about you?

Well, the person is actually my mother. That is why I feel so horrible telling her to stop coming out as much because I DO love her very much. She does care about me, she is always there for me.

And if so how would they feel to know what they do is upsetting you? Would they change their behaviour because they tought as much of you as you do for them?

I am not sure how she would feel because she is going through a major depression herelf because her husband and her are going through a divorce and he is abusive. So I feel terribe telling her her 'actions' are becoming annoying. It's like, it would feel emotionally bad for me because all she does it work and go home to an empty house, she doesn't have anyone to talk to, so she comes out here to talk and dump her problems on me. Which is very draining in itself because EVERYONE has given her their advice and then she just does what she wants anyhow. Then comes back out the next day or calls and complains about the same thing. I LOVE to help her, but she seems to not "hear" the help I am trying to gie her.

By not telling this person how they affect you, are you really caring for them as they have to know how to behave in the real world.

I am concerned that although you care for this person, you are having to neglect yourself and put yourself in harms way, mentally in order to allow their unhealthy behaviour to continue. It sounds like you need to put up some personal boundaries and if this person cares about you and wants to be part of your life in a positive way then they need to accept that.

My therapist has actually told me that very thing. I do neglect myself (i mean I take "care of myself hygiene wise" but mentally I don't because I like making everyone happy, then I feel satisfied as in I will have nothing to worry about anymore. But mentally it is becoming quite draining because I don't allow any down time for myself. Plus, my mother in law lives right across the street and she is always needing help doing something, and I just don't get a break and it's really starting to affect me. Im tired all the tie, I det no boundries with either of them and I think it is hard for me to set those boundries without pissing them off.

Do they need to be at your house every day for hours on end?

No. lol

Would it be better to arrange what days you want to meet up which would mean you could spend more quality time together. when it comes to upsetting your pets I would tell her straight that she has to stop it or else she cannot come into your home - straight as that because it is unfair to the animals and to you.

Spending time together would be wonderful and it IS until she starts obsessing and complaining about her husband, where he is, why sh cant figure out what he is doing, and I GIVE her MY best advice and then it keeps going and going and going.... I dunno. Maybe I am just being cruel, i dont mean to be

*huge hugs*

Thank you VERY much for your advice and help