Just feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything my lovely T does for me, and wanted to share...

My T is going on a 12 day holiday on Saturday. For previous breaks we have each written a letter summarizing what the main changes have been in my life and in our relationship. When she went on holiday over Christmas, however, I badly disconnected and it took us many weeks to get back on track. So I wanted to find a way to stay connected over the break. We usually have text contact morning and evening 6 days a week, and I thought maybe a sort of 'advent calendar' for the days T's away, with a morning and evening note in each, could be a good substitute for that. I made envelopes with numbers which I could hang along a string, and asked T if she could write the notes in our session. T has always said that she is totally unartistic and doesn't really enjoy crafty stuff. I would have been very happy with a line scribbled on a ripped slip of paper!

T came to our session yesterday with 24 little envelopes already prepared. She'd gone to a shop after a crazy day at work and bought special paper. She'd even bought pretty little pegs for me to hang them. She'd drawn suns on the morning ones and stars on the evening ones. She'd broken into her child's art stash to cover them with stickers. They have dates on them because she's talked in the notes about stuff I'll be doing that day. She's written about what she'll be doing, so I can think of her in a concrete way. I feel totally overwhelmed that T not only agreed to my idea, but took it and ran with it. This isn't something she bought, it's something she poured time and love into, and she went out of her comfort zone (of not being crafty!) to make it special. Yesterday she tucked two little envelopes for each day into my big envelopes, and I found myself telling her to go on holiday early so I could start reading them! We're not saying bye till tomorrow night though, so I'm trying to be patient

And then, when my heart was already full, she handed me an Easter present, saying she'd thought of me when she walked past the shop (my favourite shop in the world, but T didn't know that). She wrapped it herself (usually her gifts are shop-wrapped). She went in her break yesterday to buy me a card. I'm saving it for when we've just said bye and the bereft feeling creeps over me. I hope this time I feel less bereft

[granite1]

OK I'm jealous

[Can't Stop Crying]

Wow! I can't imagine my T doing something like that. You truly have a great T.

Thanks for sharing

[dizgirl2011]

Wow this is so lovely and like Granite I am so jealous! I could never imagine a T doing something like this for me. It's amazing to hear of T who don't fear dependance and push clients away but actually work with them and nurture their needs.
I think your T is crossing the usual boundaries by texting twice a day and by buying you gifts but at the same time, it must feel wonderful to feel so cared for and supported.... You have found a Gem in the form of your T and I am so happy for you and you deserve all the love, help and support that can be given to you!

I think I would cry if someone did something this lovely for me, even moreso if it was my T!

[SpiritRunner]

oh wow, that was all so lovely! what a wonderful relationship you have and a wonderful T!

[WePow]

OMG !!!! W O W !!!!!!!!!!!!! Your T cares so deeply for you !!!!!!!!!
WOW !!!

[anilam]

It would freak me out (maybe I am the only one:-)
I like the boundaries, they make me feel safe and cannot imagine writing my T 2 a day.
But if it works for you its great.

[with or without you]

holy ****! I might die and go to heaven if my T ever did this. LOL

[ladyjrnlist]

Yeah, I would feel boundaries crossed. But if this is what works for you, then I am so glad!!!!!!

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by granite1

OK I'm jealous

ME TOO!!

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

I think your T is crossing the usual boundaries by texting twice a day and by buying you gifts but at the same time, it must feel wonderful to feel so cared for and supported....

My T does the same thing with me.

That is so, so sweet-- what a loving therapist you have!!

That's too sweet that she went out of her comfort zone!

I think some patients need more firm boundaries, but not all of them. Ts should know who does and who doesn't. Some people can't function in a T relationship with too many boundaries, because they create reasons to push people away.

[crazycanbegood]

Those are two wonderful gifts from your T, Improving! Now it will be so much easier to endure the separation. Your T obviously truly cares for you and is very invested in helping you.

[crazycanbegood]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

My T does the same thing with me.

I also have frequent text, email, and phone contact with my T like Improving and PTSDlovemycats. Every T sets their boundaries. It is not for anyone to judge another person's therapeutic relationship. We should presume that T's are well-trained, ethical, and acting in the best interests of their clients, unless blatantly proven otherwise.

(((((((((((Improving))))))))))))

I love this T obviously cares for you very much and wants to make sure you are okay while she is away.

[Brighid]

Awwww how incredibly thoughtful and sweet! Our therapy place has very strict rule as far as contact with a patient, it can only happen (unless emergency) within the office walls. grr.

Thanks everyone

Crazycanbegood, thanks for understanding. I don't feel others were judging my T relationship, just saying that it wouldn't work for them.

I struggle to think of this as being about boundaries. My experience is that my T has very firm boundaries which she never crosses and never will. But I do fully recognise, as T puts it, that our relationship is quite unconventional by most people's standards of therapy.

Ts draw the lines which hold us in a therapeutic relationship. My T has solid and safe liens. It's just that she's drawn the lines in a different place to many Ts. Perhaps my T relationship has a wider box. Some of the lines are fixed and will never move (e.g. no touch). Some move according to what's helpful or natural (e.g. becoming more self-disclosing when we realised this was healing; saying she loved me when, after a period of time, she did actually start to love me). But I trust T to monitor it carefully and always act in my best interests. And (the hardest part) I trust myself to know whether she's healing or hurting me.

It can be hard to post here when I know we have an unconventional relationship which will elicit discomfort and words of caution from others. I understand that feeling very well, because I feel it when I read others' posts about 'boundaries' which I feel have been crossed (e.g. going to their Ts houses, Ts texting on holiday...). And I guess sometimes I wobble when others feel that about my T, especially because I have had very damaging T relationships in the past. But the truth is I know that what my T does is helping me. I know because I see it in how I'm able to live now. And I don't want to drop off the 'unconventional' end of the PC community because I value this space deeply and feel very much a part of it. So I'll try to be brave and keep posting, safe in what I know is true for me and T

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by crazycanbegood

I also have frequent text, email, and phone contact with my T like Improving and PTSDlovemycats. Every T sets their boundaries. It is not for anyone to judge another person's therapeutic relationship. We should presume that T's are well-trained, ethical, and acting in the best interests of their clients, unless blatantly proven otherwise.

I just wanted to say I am not judging or putting down anyones relationship with their therapist by saying it kinda crosses boundaries of usual theraputic guidelines because - it does- but I am not saying that this isn't the right thing to do because it is clearly helpful when therapists break out of their conventional boxes to help their clients and I think posts such as 'Improving's', is beautiful and so heart warming! I could only wish my Therapist would break the boundaries sometimes and realise that in doing so it might be more healing and helpful than sticking to ridget rules and limitations.
Even 'Improving' says her T has said their relationship is not the conventional type so the T herself can see that...so I am not pointing out anything that isn't ovious to all parties involved anyway. All therapists do work slightly different but the ethics and practice guidelines from theraputic giverning bodies are pretty universal and that is what I am judging the "typical boundaries" on.

Improving - I think your relationship wth your therapist is lovely and I hope you didn't think I was being negative or mean about the specialness of that relationship at all? I can understand your fear about posting as people have opinions that can sometimes seem hurtful even if they are trying to help. Your post really made me feel good as it gives me hope that there are really nice people in the world !

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by Improving

It can be hard to post here when I know we have an unconventional relationship which will elicit discomfort and words of caution from others. I understand that feeling very well, because I feel it when I read others' posts about 'boundaries' which I feel have been crossed (e.g. going to their Ts houses, Ts texting on holiday...).
But the truth is I know that what my T does is helping me. I know because I see it in how I'm able to live now. And I don't want to drop off the 'unconventional' end of the PC community because I value this space deeply and feel very much a part of it. So I'll try to be brave and keep posting, safe in what I know is true for me and T

I feel the exact same way some times.

[PTSDlovemycats]

So how are the notes that she wrote you? Have you started reading them yet?

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Improving - I think your relationship wth your therapist is lovely and I hope you didn't think I was being negative or mean about the specialness of that relationship at all? I can understand your fear about posting as people have opinions that can sometimes seem hurtful even if they are trying to help. Your post really made me feel good as it gives me hope that there are really nice people in the world !

dizgirl, no, I didn't feel you were negative at all, please don't worry Like I said, sometimes people's comments make me wobble, but I know that's because it triggers my issues (doubting whether my T can keep me safe; doubting my ability to judge whether someone is helping or hurting me) rather than because of their words or intentions. I also know that it's part of the nature of posting on a public messageboard that we give people the right to respond however they choose.

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

So how are the notes that she wrote you? Have you started reading them yet?

Bless you for thinking of me Cats

T and I said bye last night and I opened my present and card. It was some sweet decorations to hang up for Easter. So far I've opened my morning and 'evening' (hmmm... at 5pm cos I was feeling wobbly and couldn't wait!) note for today, and it's really helping They're so lovely, proper notes saying good morning or goodnight, with a bit about my day and a bit about our relationship and a random thing about what she's doing or done in the past. This evening's is about the Easter traditions where she's from

Before she went T confirmed that this is indeed the first time in her life she's done crafts

[PTSDlovemycats]

Improving, that sounds wonderful!! You have an awesome T!!

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by Improving

Bless you for thinking of me Cats

T and I said bye last night and I opened my present and card. It was some sweet decorations to hang up for Easter. So far I've opened my morning and 'evening' (hmmm... at 5pm cos I was feeling wobbly and couldn't wait!) note for today, and it's really helping They're so lovely, proper notes saying good morning or goodnight, with a bit about my day and a bit about our relationship and a random thing about what she's doing or done in the past. This evening's is about the Easter traditions where she's from

Before she went T confirmed that this is indeed the first time in her life she's done crafts

awwww wow sooo lovely!!