Is your t an authority figure?

ladyjrnlist · Apr 30, 2011, 12:06 PM

My T is not an authority figure. I consider him my advisor, who I pay to give me educated and well-researched advice. I also consider him as an equal walking the path with me to healing.
That said, one of my issues is a real problem with authority figures. LOL.

PurplePaisley · May 01, 2011, 04:30 PM

I feel the exact same way!

Transcending1 · May 01, 2011, 06:48 PM

I do not see my T as an authority figure. Seeing him as an authority figure presupposes my filling a subjugated role in the process. Having my own issues with control and compulsive self-reliance, it's impossible to accept anything less than a therapeutic relationship based on equality. He and I have discussed this topic since he made the statement that I am attracted to power. This conversation occured after my disclosure of erotic feelings for him. He mentioned how he fills a power position in the therapeutic context. This is symbolically true, but I told him that I retained control by having the option to choose what I disclose or terminate at any time. He also stated that becauswe he knows much about me and I know nothing about him, that creates a power differential. I conceded to this, but told him that most people manipulate others opinion of them by presenting their more positive attributes which facilitates some level of idealization. He inquired whether I idealize him or not. I replied that on some level I do, that most people idealize others to a degree when they are not privy to the other's more distasteful traits. How, although I have no knowledge of these traits, that doesn't negate the fact that they exist. Obviously, he and I both have our own unhealthy narcissistic issues which has created a bit of a power struggle between us (don't think I'm projecting that).

I think that it would facillitate my personal growth (not to mention transference) if I could view him as an authority figure. Maybe those feelings will change over time, who knows?

learning1 · May 01, 2011, 09:29 PM

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who said these questions were interesting (so I feel less strange for asking)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Transcending1

I do not see my T as an authority figure. Seeing him as an authority figure presupposes my filling a subjugated role in the process. Having my own issues with control and compulsive self-reliance, it's impossible to accept anything less than a therapeutic relationship based on equality. He and I have discussed this topic since he made the statement that I am attracted to power. This conversation occured after my disclosure of erotic feelings for him. He mentioned how he fills a power position in the therapeutic context. This is symbolically true, but I told him that I retained control by having the option to choose what I disclose or terminate at any time. He also stated that becauswe he knows much about me and I know nothing about him, that creates a power differential. I conceded to this, but told him that most people manipulate others opinion of them by presenting their more positive attributes which facilitates some level of idealization. He inquired whether I idealize him or not. I replied that on some level I do, that most people idealize others to a degree when they are not privy to the other's more distasteful traits. How, although I have no knowledge of these traits, that doesn't negate the fact that they exist. Obviously, he and I both have our own unhealthy narcissistic issues which has created a bit of a power struggle between us (don't think I'm projecting that).

I think that it would facillitate my personal growth (not to mention transference) if I could view him as an authority figure. Maybe those feelings will change over time, who knows?

That's interesting, Transcending. Some people said they need to move away from seeing their t as an authority figure, so it's interesting you might need to move the other way, toward seeing your t that way.

Although I don't think I need to move toward that any further myself, I'm glad to know I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels it could be a positive thing in some way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I'm not particularly fond of the term authority figure, but I know there have been times (not often) when he has been "stern" with me. In hindsight, those were the times I was acting like a stubborn brat and he kinda took a parental role with me. I do not like that at all, so I worked on acting more like the adult that I am rather than a spoiled teenager! He's only like a year or two older than me so that was a very weird dynamic the few times it happened.

Thanks CSC. I don't like the phrase "authority figure" either and can't imagine I'd be comfortable to even call it that IRL, but it came to mind when I posted here. I guess I do have in mind a parental role, and to me that feels like a slightly inappropriate imbalance in power, yet maybe caring in a way too. Weird is the best word I can think of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

I do have a lot of parental transference with my T at times, but I don't really see him as an "authority figure". He makes it clear that *I* am in charge, really, really clear.

I've realized over the years how much power I have in the relationship. I get to decide whether or not to show up, I get to decide what we talk about it, I get to decide if he hug, I get to decide where to sit, and, actually, where *T* sits, if I want to. T can't force me to be there, to hug him, to sit where he says. I even get to decide little things, like how bright the lights are. I decide if he calls me or e-mails me. I probably have more power in the T relationship than in any other relationship, in some ways.

When I first started therapy, I felt like T had so much POWER, and I told him that, and he said we would work so I felt empowered in the relationship, because I am.

I do love him though, and I *do* have some kind of parental transference towards him, and that does give him a certain amount of power (although that doesn't feel like the right word). I am so open and vulnerable with him, that his words can be SO healing, or hurt my feelings SO badly (if he makes a mistake). No matter how much power I have in that room, and in our relationship, that is still really true.

So for me, I guess the answer is both - yes AND no.

Thanks, Tree. It helps to read how it changed for you over time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brighid

Personally, I never thought as my T as an authority figure..... he is 20 years older than me; however, I find that reassuring because for some reason it's just more comfortable. It's very easy though, as you mentioned to put yourself in that 'dependancy' state, i did that a lot...but I dunno, today after the most deep session ever.....it felt more like we are on 'same plane' state because I grew a little bit today.

Very interesting questions you have

That's great Brighid! I've felt a change kind of like that in how I relate to people in authority as I get older, I think. I'm not sure if I need to do that now or not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

i don't know if it is good or not but i do look at my T as an authority figure.she is slightly older i think.i hope i wont always feel this way and that my view of myself improves to the point that i would be able to see her as an equal.

I think it will for you granite

. That's great you know which way you need to go with your t!

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Really interesting question Learning1

I find this hard to answer in a way because when I hear the words 'authority figure' I usually think of someone who is cross, who shouts at someone, who exerts their control over the other person (so i see it in a negative way) and my therapist doesn't do those things.

However I do see her as someone who I look up to, like a mother figure (im female, so is she) who has more wisdom or something. And some people would say this is an authority figure as parents usually are.

I guess I do because i dont view us as equals exactly, she has more power than I have naturally and I usually feel like a child in therapy..but not in a bad way.

That's nice to know you can feel like a child "but not in a bad way"

I guess to me that as an adult letting myself feel like a child, or being very vulnerable, sort of feels like something you're not supposed to do. Sometimes doing it anyway feels good, and sometimes not.
I agree, "authority figure" sounds like something more negative than I probably meant.

Transcending1 · May 01, 2011, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by learning1

That's interesting, Transcending. Some people said they need to move away from seeing their t as an authority figure, so it's interesting you might need to move the other way, toward seeing your t that way.

Although I don't think I need to move toward that any further myself, I'm glad to know I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels it could be a positive thing in some way.

The need to see him as an authority figure would facilitate my dependence upon him, allowing me to be more trusting and emotionally connected to my experiences. I think that how we view our Ts is often directly related to our defensive, protective measures. I have a pathological fear of dependency and connecting to painful emotions. At the root of this fear is abandonment/rejection issues. If I see my T as an authority figure, then it puts me in a dependent, powerless position which is too similiar to my infantile attachment. If I don't acknowledge his authority, then I can continue denying my dependency needs and disconnect from the painful emotions associated with my childhood. It's an adaptive response for coping, but has become maladaptive in my interpersonal relationships.

elliemay · May 02, 2011, 06:38 AM

I do not see my therapist as an authority figure, but I do see him as someone who knows more than me. I respect the fact that he has walked the road I am on before. I offer his counsel every consideration.

We are of very very similar educational backgrounds and stations in life, although he is some 20 years my senior.

He is a human being.

learning1 · May 02, 2011, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Transcending1

The need to see him as an authority figure would facilitate my dependence upon him, allowing me to be more trusting and emotionally connected to my experiences. I think that how we view our Ts is often directly related to our defensive, protective measures. I have a pathological fear of dependency and connecting to painful emotions. At the root of this fear is abandonment/rejection issues. If I see my T as an authority figure, then it puts me in a dependent, powerless position which is too similiar to my infantile attachment. If I don't acknowledge his authority, then I can continue denying my dependency needs and disconnect from the painful emotions associated with my childhood. It's an adaptive response for coping, but has become maladaptive in my interpersonal relationships.

That's great you're so aware of what you need to do

. And thanks for sharing it. Good luck!

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