[learning1]

Curious, do you experience your t's as an authority figure?

If you do, does it ever feel odd to have another adult as an authority figure?

If you are older than your t, does that affect how you feel? Or does your age affect it somehow?

I also wonder if men experience this differently than women. I notice there seem to be a lot more women posting on here than men, but if there are any men who want to answer this and want to say what your gender is, I'd be interested.

I experience most of my t's as authority figures. There was one where I didn't feel that way and I didn't feel like he was as effective. It feels weird to feel like they're an authority figure though. I guess as an adult, I don't think you're usually supposed to let yourself be dependent on another adult like that. Since I've been reading PC I feel more comfortable about it since a lot of people say a t is like a parent figure. I still think it might not be healthy to let oneself feel that way too much though. It seems like an awkward balance.

[Suratji]

I do not view my T as an authority figure. She is my helper and my guide. I am dependent on her and that is called attachment. Attachment to T is essential for therapy to be its most beneficial.

We don't look for balance in this relationship. The T has more power. And that is needed because we need their strength and understanding. We lean on them. My T never comes across as the final authority of anything.

She is very kind and gentle and works extremely cooperatively with me. She has never imposed her views on me or told me what to do. She proposes ideas and techniques and we discuss them together. I am so grateful to her and so happy she isn't an 'authority' figure.

[maggyjo]

Always feels that way to me. I am not sure why. I am female and both my T's have been female. I had one older and one younger that me and it didn't make any difference.

Maggy Jo

[granite1]

i don't know if it is good or not but i do look at my T as an authority figure.she is slightly older i think.i hope i wont always feel this way and that my view of myself improves to the point that i would be able to see her as an equal.

[SpiritRunner]

My T is only a little older than me, 6 years, but yes, I have experienced her as an authority figure. Sort of the transference thing though of me feeling like a child being scolded.....just a part of my pattern in relationships often anyway (my H who DOES treat me like a child because he is so much older than me and that's his nature too.....). So it has transferred into how I have perceived T and reacted to her at times, thinking I am in 'trouble'......when I am not! Like she says, I am not your mother, I am not scolding you!

[BlessedRhiannon]

My current T is the first one that DOESN'T feel like an authority figure to me. And, she's also the first one I've actually trusted and opened up to and felt like could help me. My current T is also only 10 years older than me, where my previous T's were more my mother's age. With the previous two T's, who did feel more like authority figures, I had a really hard time working with them, I never really trusted them. A lot of my issues revolve around my relationship with my Mom, and I need my T to not at all remind me of my mom.

My relationship with my current T is kinda hard to describe. I don't really consider her a friend, but there is an element of friendship. I consider her maybe more of a mentor? I respect her and her knowledge and experience, and am grateful for the chance to learn from her. It's exactly what kind of relationship I need, and I'm glad for it.

[learning1]

I guess that it feels good in a way. Like when t makes a suggestion about something I could do, where with some adults I'd feel like it was intended to be demeaning, with t I don't have to struggle to stand up for myself all the time.

[dizgirl2011]

Really interesting question Learning1

I find this hard to answer in a way because when I hear the words 'authority figure' I usually think of someone who is cross, who shouts at someone, who exerts their control over the other person (so i see it in a negative way) and my therapist doesn't do those things.

However I do see her as someone who I look up to, like a mother figure (im female, so is she) who has more wisdom or something. And some people would say this is an authority figure as parents usually are.

I guess I do because i dont view us as equals exactly, she has more power than I have naturally and I usually feel like a child in therapy..but not in a bad way.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by learning1

Curious, do you experience your t's as an authority figure?

No. I have had two Ts and neither was an authority figure to me. I am female and did not view my first T, a woman 10 years younger, or my current T, a man 5 years older, as authority figures. However, I did view them as experts in their field--certainly way more knowledgeable than I am about therapy type things. I am not sure I view anyone as an authority figure.

Especially with my current T, I view him as a peer, and I think this has really contributed to some of the successes in my therapy. A number of the problems I work on in therapy are related to "peer" relations out in the real world, so it is easier to work them out with someone who is more of a peer than "above" me.

[carsan60612]

For me, it's been easier to have T's who are around my age. With the ones a lot older, it does feel more like authority. With those my age, it's more like a peer, and I'm much more comfortable. My current T is only a year older, the one before was only 3 years older, and they've been the best. I like feeling like I'm talking to a "professional friend" rather than a mother. I'm much more comfortable with someone I don't see as an authority figure.

[lastyearisblank]

When I think of an authority figure, I think someone who is trying to get me to do something I don't want to do! (I agree with Dizgirl)

I want my T to be more of an older, wise, mother duck.

I do have a lot of parental transference with my T at times, but I don't really see him as an "authority figure". He makes it clear that *I* am in charge, really, really clear.

I've realized over the years how much power I have in the relationship. I get to decide whether or not to show up, I get to decide what we talk about it, I get to decide if he hug, I get to decide where to sit, and, actually, where *T* sits, if I want to. T can't force me to be there, to hug him, to sit where he says. I even get to decide little things, like how bright the lights are. I decide if he calls me or e-mails me. I probably have more power in the T relationship than in any other relationship, in some ways.

When I first started therapy, I felt like T had so much POWER, and I told him that, and he said we would work so I felt empowered in the relationship, because I am.

I do love him though, and I *do* have some kind of parental transference towards him, and that does give him a certain amount of power (although that doesn't feel like the right word). I am so open and vulnerable with him, that his words can be SO healing, or hurt my feelings SO badly (if he makes a mistake). No matter how much power I have in that room, and in our relationship, that is still really true.

So for me, I guess the answer is both - yes AND no.

Our T is not an authority figure that much. More like a guide or a friend.
Some of the inside kids see her as one an authority figure though...sorta like a teacher.

I've never really thought of my t as an authority figure, but he says I have authority issues (mainly with my pdoc I think). We are close to the same age, have similar educational backgrounds, similar family situations. I've always seen us pretty much on equal footing.

[with or without you]

I don't see her as one, although she has to be at least 25 years older than me. There is the obvious T-client power differential though.

[OrangeMoira]

Yes with my first and third T's. My first was a woman who was my mom's age, and my third is a man a few years older than me.

My second did not seem like an authority figure. Maybe because he was close to my age, or maybe because he was very hesitant and mild-mannered.

[Omers]

I see my T as an authority figure and I can tell she is very uncomfortable with it. She really prefer that I would accept equal power in the relationship. There are a lot of things that I can work with her on because of it that I can't work with massage T on. Massage T works VERY hard to make it impossible to see her as an authority figure. Honestly they both have value and I am grateful to have one of each.

[learning1]

thanks for all the answers everyone. sorry I'm being lazy with the thank you button and just saying thank you here .

i agree with everyone who kind of said "authority figure" has a negative connotation. I don't like it. i guess it does feel that way sometimes though.

i would say yes and no as well. yes because sometimes i think i am in trouble for something i did in t... so that would be the authority~ but it is weird for me because sometimes i feel like a little kid...

and then the adult part of me says, no, although he is older (15yrs) i go to him for his knowledge, skills, etc

interesting topic... thanks for bringing it up!

[Brighid]

Originally Posted by learning1

Curious, do you experience your t's as an authority figure?

If you do, does it ever feel odd to have another adult as an authority figure?

If you are older than your t, does that affect how you feel? Or does your age affect it somehow?

I also wonder if men experience this differently than women. I notice there seem to be a lot more women posting on here than men, but if there are any men who want to answer this and want to say what your gender is, I'd be interested.

I experience most of my t's as authority figures. There was one where I didn't feel that way and I didn't feel like he was as effective. It feels weird to feel like they're an authority figure though. I guess as an adult, I don't think you're usually supposed to let yourself be dependent on another adult like that. Since I've been reading PC I feel more comfortable about it since a lot of people say a t is like a parent figure. I still think it might not be healthy to let oneself feel that way too much though. It seems like an awkward balance.

Personally, I never thought as my T as an authority figure..... he is 20 years older than me; however, I find that reassuring because for some reason it's just more comfortable. It's very easy though, as you mentioned to put yourself in that 'dependancy' state, i did that a lot...but I dunno, today after the most deep session ever.....it felt more like we are on 'same plane' state because I grew a little bit today.

Very interesting questions you have

No, I do not see her as an authority figure at all. I do see her as a person who can 'make or break' me, though. She can help me tremendously, but she can also hurt me greatly. Instead of an authority figure, I feel like she is more of a life coach. Someone that walks side by side with me. Maybe (at times) she takes the lead more than I do, but we are still walking together in this journey.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I'm not particularly fond of the term authority figure, but I know there have been times (not often) when he has been "stern" with me. In hindsight, those were the times I was acting like a stubborn brat and he kinda took a parental role with me. I do not like that at all, so I worked on acting more like the adult that I am rather than a spoiled teenager! He's only like a year or two older than me so that was a very weird dynamic the few times it happened.

[Elli-Beth]

Yes, but I don't mind because for me it's the first safe male authority figure. We're the same age but I tend to perceive him as older because of his build and voice. It's nothing he's really done or said, just (non-romantic) transference.

[purple_fins]

NO, not ever an authority figure... that would make me run.

I see the T. as an assistant ...
she is assisting me--
kind of like she's reading the map while I'm driving the car.
I can stop when I want, turn left, right or all the way around if I prefer, I can go fast, go slower--
I'm in the driver's seat-- she is helping by reading the map...

I am the one that decides where we are going-- I like that.

too much trauma/abuse from "authority" figures when a wee little one-- father, mother, older siblings, member of family in the police force abusing me.....

it works best for some of us to just have a "companion" in healing.

but-- whatever works for each person is what matters.

fins

[(JD)]

My Pain T is not an authority figure. He is one of the members of the board I have put together as CEO of my health care. I add more board members as I need them, to consult with them and get expert advice as to what to do in what situation etc. I take their input and act upon it according to how I feel is most important and fitting for me. T is a key member of that board.