will it be ok tomorrow????

it is hard to hear the words she is saying and even harder to believe them.all i wanted to do was say i am sorry .she wants me to think about what in the world i feel i need to tell her sorry for.she said i didnt say or do anything wrong but i feel i did.

i just find it hard to hear (trama) i just dont ever want that word to have anything to do with me but she keeps saying it all the time and i cant open my mouth to tell her to stop.

it is really hard.i dont even have any words to describe how it feels to have this stuff even comming out of my mouth it is so strange and uncomfortable.makes me feel so bad.

I'll bet ..............

can you find a different way to tell her, write her a note that says that word is hard for you to hear, hard for you to say? It's OK to use other words for it.....

((((Granite)))

I am so sorry. No one deserves to be hurt the way you were hurt.
You are now doing your trauma healing. And it stinks.
And it is NOT FAIR that ANY child be harmed or anyone made to go through the things that hurt them this deeply.

But your mind protected you until you were strong enough to endure what you have to feel in order to heal.

It will not feel good. It will stink! But trust us here - many of us have been through the trauma healing work - and our Ts were right - it DOES get better. You CAN heal from the intense pain that you are feeling.

The secret is to let yourself feel. I am not talking about a little feeling. This is going to hurt - and it will be the worst pain of your entire life. But let it happen. It is the only way to get the dark poison out of your soul. Let yourself be alone in your private room. Let yourself cry for hours. let yourself truly and deeply experience your losses. It is not being selfish to do this. it is being healthy. Whatever it was done to you was WRONG and a CRIME.

I am so sorry you will hurt so deeply as you go through this healing work.
Stay VERY close to your T. A trauma T knows you will NEED it. Oh gosh how you will need it. And be sure to use PC as a support. We will hold you and be here for you through it all.

You CAN do it. You ARE strong enough now. And when you are on the other side, you WILL feel what many of us are starting to feel - that joy that was stolen from us as children or as a wounded adult. You CAN and WILL heal. And this is exactly how it is done. My heart goes out to you so fully. BIG hugs!!!

ps. Also, I know you don't like the word trauma - and that is the right emotion! Because it is WRONG WRONG WRONG that any human should have that horrid experience that makes trauma put onto them by a selish and low bellied LOOSER SLUG. So I agree with you - Trauma STINKS !!!!!!!! Every single thing about it just flat out STINKS!!!

i dont know why but even this made me cry so .tonight my emotions are so all over.maybe it is a good idea that i go into my craft room that i love and just hide and cry.maybe i will feel better.but everything is making me cry.

huggs wepowthanks so much for being who you are and sharing with all of us so openly

((((Granite)))) I am actually crying now WITH you. And it is good. It is pure and from my heart. My S/O asked me why I was crying and I told her "This is good. I am allowing myself to feel this because I am crying WITH a sister. I am crying and sharing the pain of another innocent person hurting. And it is my honor to share that path a little with her." So in your tears, know that you are NOT alone.

OMG WePow. you are a very special person.

she sure is so are you karebear

wepow thanks you are so so special i hope the people who you have allowed in you life know this

((((((((((((((((((((( granite ))))))))))))))))))))))

it's hard, it's the pits in fact; but it's NOT endless, and after the telling is a feeling of a burden shared, it is worth so much. you are very brave, and yr T knows how to help you.

Thanks granite. Now .. EVERYBODY........ GROUP HUG

I feel so much better today!

I've been re-reading a lot of threads this morning and things are hitting me in different ways and new thoughts are coming as a result.

This morning , when I re-read your response WePow, it brought up an old saying I'd heard years ago, and it is just so true to what you wrote that I wanted to share it with you. It says, "Tears are just a silent testimony of the heart".

that is an awsome saying i like it thanks for sharing it

Hey Granite,

I have been reading through your thread and I wanted to say I know it takes a lot of guts to talk about things that are so painful, even to not talk is painful and you have been doing great to handle it.

I also understand how certain words can be really excuriate to hear someone say to you about what happened, there are words I cannot stand my T saying and one in particular I have to tell her not to, although I am trying to accept it when she does.

Have you been able to tell your T about the words that you dont want her to say?

((((huge safe hugs))))