[granite1]

i remembered an old post someone started when i noticed this

OK so last session i would look at my T and she was looking down at the floor.did this a few times .and i caught her looking out the window,and at her hands.i also caught her doing this in the session before this one.is this normal therapy behavior or was she mirroring me.these are all the things i will do during my session.except she doesn't sit on her hands. she use to always be looking at me when i would peek at her and she would smile at me.if she is now mirroring me she is quite good at it she seems so natural.but of coarse the insecure side of me is saying she is so board with sitting with me she is totally distracted and is looking out the window or floor or playing with her hands,etc,,,,why would she be mirroring me now.i must admit i am less intimidated when i do look at her.kind of comforting.I'm not saying that she always looking else ware.a few seconds after i am looking at her she looks at me.it isn't like she is avoiding me or anything.why would she be mirroring me now she never use to??

[**Angel**]

I'm not sure why she would be doing that, I doubt it's normal because I have never experienced it with all the couseller's I have had, is it something you could bring up in a session with her?

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

My guess is that she definately isn't bored but she's trying to get a message to you about how it can feel when someone doesn't look at you but looks out the window or the floor etc, like they dont want to be there sort of. It's probably actually making you look at her more and trying to get her attention in a way...kind of like reverse psychology.

She's probably waiting to see if you point it out to her

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey,

My guess is that she definately isn't bored but she's trying to get a message to you about how it can feel when someone doesn't look at you but looks out the window or the floor etc, like they dont want to be there sort of. It's probably actually making you look at her more and trying to get her attention in a way...kind of like reverse psychology.

She's probably waiting to see if you point it out to her

this sounds reasonable to me! this could be it....
I have never noticed T mirroring me, but I do tend to have good eye contact and keep my eyes on her. sometimes I think she tilts her head when I do, but I don't know that that is on purpose to mirror me. It could be me who is mirroring when that happens for all I know!

[Omers]

If I am struggling with feeling safe with my T and not being able to look at her she will do the same thing. Yes, she calls this mirroring although it is a little different than my understanding. The biggest thing she is trying to do (I asked her about it once because it was so out of character for her) is to not be intimidating in any way. She sits very limp in her chair, looks at the floor plays with her pen (she doesn't take notes so doesn't usually have a pen). She is listening, often more than usual she just wants to do anything she can to help me feel less scared about telling her whatever is going on inside me. Sometimes she will even close her eyes all together and she looks like she is sound asleep... but she isn't. Just trying to help me be more comfortable.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Omers

If I am struggling with feeling safe with my T and not being able to look at her she will do the same thing. Yes, she calls this mirroring although it is a little different than my understanding. The biggest thing she is trying to do (I asked her about it once because it was so out of character for her) is to not be intimidating in any way. She sits very limp in her chair, looks at the floor plays with her pen (she doesn't take notes so doesn't usually have a pen). She is listening, often more than usual she just wants to do anything she can to help me feel less scared about telling her whatever is going on inside me. Sometimes she will even close her eyes all together and she looks like she is sound asleep... but she isn't. Just trying to help me be more comfortable.

i have to admit when she is like this i am less scared of her.it seems more comforting to me for some reason.but she isn't all crazy and exaggerated about it at all.if this is what she is doing it seems to work and she is good at it

[Elli-Beth]

Originally Posted by Omers

Sometimes she will even close her eyes all together and she looks like she is sound asleep... but she isn't. Just trying to help me be more comfortable.

This is a really helpful comment! When I get really scared and go mute I have trouble looking T in the eyes, and a few times lately I've worked up the courage to look at him and I've noticed his eyes closed. At first I felt guilty that my silence had bored him to sleep for a moment, and then resentment started to replace that feeling.

But maybe he's trying to help me feel more safe because I do WANT to look at him, and with the mutism it's often eye contact that feels weird.

[Omers]

Yeh, My T also knows I am very dependent on her body language for understanding her and what she is saying. She knows that if her eyes are open I feel like I HAVE to look at her eyes not her body. So she too will close her eyes to give me the freedom to look at her. Massage T will also look away or stand where I can't see her or can't make eye contact if I need her to.

If they start snoring though I may be wrong

[Splintered]

You've been dealing with some really tough stuff the last few sessions so maybe this is her way of helping you feel more comfortable. It could also be that your t is more attuned to you/what you need and is mirroring you unconsciously. My t doesn't seem to mirror me - whenever I look at her she's looking at me, unless we're doing emdr and she's writing notes. Last session I really wanted to say 'can you please stop watching me so intensely?' because I was talking about really difficult stuff.

Originally Posted by granite1

why would she be mirroring me now she never use to??

Mirroring? I have never heard of that. Is it a technique therapists really use? Something they learn in college?

[WePow]

Why not just ask her? She will tell you the truth.
Ts have to use tools to make us feel comfortable with them so we can build trust.
She may have had a refresher course that she is suddenly applying?

[Perna]

I don't think she's mirroring you, especially if you aren't known for looking at her; mirroring only helps if one "looks in the mirror" and it's mostly for "positive" behaviors, if you smile at her, she smiles at you, that sort of thing.

If you are not talking and she's just waiting, she's just waiting! She will look wherever if you are not talking/looking at her! Why would she keep rigidly looking a particular place if "nothing" much is happening, if she is just waiting for you (it is your therapy, you are the only "actor")? It's not a negative thing, say something or look at her (for real, not "sneaking a peek") and she will be all there again but you don't "own" her unless the two of you are engaged, together.

My T started doodling once :-) and I even said something about it and she explained she "might as well" as there was nothing else "happening" at that time. Why are you wanting to "control" her when you aren't doing anything? She's not bored, she wouldn't be there time after time if she was bored.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think she's mirroring you, especially if you aren't known for looking at her; mirroring only helps if one "looks in the mirror" and it's mostly for "positive" behaviors, if you smile at her, she smiles at you, that sort of thing.

If you are not talking and she's just waiting, she's just waiting! She will look wherever if you are not talking/looking at her! Why would she keep rigidly looking a particular place if "nothing" much is happening, if she is just waiting for you (it is your therapy, you are the only "actor")? It's not a negative thing, say something or look at her (for real, not "sneaking a peek") and she will be all there again but you don't "own" her unless the two of you are engaged, together.

My T started doodling once :-) and I even said something about it and she explained she "might as well" as there was nothing else "happening" at that time. Why are you wanting to "control" her when you aren't doing anything? She's not bored, she wouldn't be there time after time if she was bored.

i dont think i am trying to controle her.at least i dont think i am anyway.i kind of like that she is no longer always looking at me it makes me feel a lot more comfortable and she does seem a lot less intimidating.kind of like omar says. i dont think i own her either just wondering about the change and if other T's .have done this and why
wow i cant believe your T started doodling.i think that would have upset me because i dont think i would have been able to say something

[granite1]

Originally Posted by WePow

Why not just ask her? She will tell you the truth.
Ts have to use tools to make us feel comfortable with them so we can build trust.
She may have had a refresher course that she is suddenly applying?

maybe she did.i would never be able to ask her.in fact i dont think i have ever asked her any questions ever.i think it has to do with my not being able to talk.just scares me.maybe she isnt mirroring me and it is just coincidentce that she does the same things that i do in t.i hope some day i will easily be able toask her these seemingly silly questions.i hope she doesnt stop because i kind of like it

[Suratji]

Therapists want to help us know our feelings and learn how to regulate them. Sometimes they do that by mirroring. By seeing ourselves as T sees us, i.e. in a mirror, we can see ourselves as beings whose behavior expresses feelings - feelings that are knowable, nameable, sharable and changeable.

A therapist who can do that successfully is a very experienced T. Only when they can be very reflective, regulate their own feelings can they really grasp and mirror back to us what we are feeling.

But they have to understand us and make sense of our actions. So they are responding emotionally to us and also reflecting on that emotion. It is said that therapists who are able to summon this kind of responsiveness have experience themselves of being patients.

The mirroring and emotional attunement that the therapist can provide allows us to more readily access our own feelings and again, by that, learn to regulate them.

I suspect that not many therapists can do this or maybe they do it so well,we're not aware of it.

[WePow]

Granite, mirroring is something that is done intentionally to have other people be comfortable around us. It is something people do naturally for social bonding.
As infants, when a parent smiles, the child smiles. When the child smiles, the parent smiles. ((This is in a normal baby and it is why the lack of mirroring in infants is an early indicator of autism type disorders)).

https://sfari.org/current-grant-reci...ant-recipients

this is another interesting link too.

http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/EP05442452.pdf

This is a good vid also: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/mirror-neurons.html

[SpiritRunner]

reading these responses, makes me wonder if sometimes when my T laughs when I laugh (that is, the sort of laugh where I am really wanting to cry not what I consider a joke or a shared funny moment) is like a mirroring incident?!?! I don't mean to hijack the thread, I just am wondering.......sorry if this is a dumb question.....

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey,

My guess is that she definately isn't bored but she's trying to get a message to you about how it can feel when someone doesn't look at you but looks out the window or the floor etc, like they dont want to be there sort of. It's probably actually making you look at her more and trying to get her attention in a way...kind of like reverse psychology.

She's probably waiting to see if you point it out to her

I would hope this isn't true! I've been in therapy for over 3 years, and for the first year and a half, I could never remember what she looked like in between sessions because i never looked at her! I now make more eye contact, but it is usually only a few times in the session for about a second each time. I have no idea what she does when she isn't talking. I'm ok with that, and she's never brought it up, so I guess she's ok with it too.

[suzzie]

i hope its not true too.

i never look at t in session, years ago did and then something happened??? and now i just cannot

so i don't know if he is mirroring me or not? hell, he could be picking his nose and i wouldn't know it

Granite, i am glad that with t doing this you are feeling safer. that is what counts! and what is important!