Topics in Therapy

I've been in therapy with my same T for about 1.5 years. We've talked a little about my past traumas, but not in great detail yet. I am still very awkward talking about it and have a hard time opening up. T wants me to let myself cry and breakdown, but I haven't been able to yet. It seems like some days she talks about very random and not deep issue things. I'm wondering if she's given up on me talking or maybe she's trying to make it so that I have to bring it up or if there's a method to what she's doing.

Does your T ever talk about random things - your job, school, extracurricular activites - rather than talking about the 'real' issues? Do you think they do this on purpose to calm you down before they maybe ask the hard questions the next session? What are your experiences or opinions?

yea...I can't talk about the traumas, so it gets pretty random sometimes. I used to email him thoughts to discuss at the next session, but I can't even get myself to do that anymore.

There is no way to know, unless you ask her/address the issue.....what she is doing and why. perhaps you might write down something you can talk about. Therapy is a process; sometimes very slow and it takes time to trust and bring painful things up. It is the hardest work you will do, but the best.

It is your therapy, and so you need to get the best/most that you can.

Perhaps you could write down just one.....issue and begin with that.

I know that it takes a lot of trust-building to get to a place where I can feel safe enough to open up to sharing those difficult experiences and feelings. So, I imagine that your T is trying to help you establish that trusting relationship...and that when you're ready, you will address these things. My T lets me lead....so if I don't go there, he won't either....

If you are waiting for the awkwardness to go away you are going to have to wait forever. Addressing tough issues is hard and it is totally normal to feel awkward and uncomfortable. You just have to do it, awkwardness and all.........

My T and I do a lot of "light" days that are probably about building trust and safety. He says he'll never push me harder than feels safe because he knows how severe and long the trauma was. Only once has he said stuff I wasn't ready for, and that was under an urgent situation that he had to prepare me for the worst possible outcome.

I've been going to My T for 14 months and we go back and forth between hard sessions and lighter ones. It has taken me a long time to open up about my trauma and she never pushed me before I was ready. Now that we are into it, she gently pushes (so gently its sometimes hard to identify when shes doing it. haha) but she is very well attuned to when I just need to talk about the random everyday stuff. I used to worry that I was taking so long and once I started to rely on going to the sessions every week, I got fearful that she would terminate if I didn't start digging into my deeper stuff. However, that fear subsided over time and little by little at my own pace, I started talking about the trauma. When I first started digging into it, I would mostly just tell her about the traumatic things that happened with no emotion attached to it. But then one day I cried really hard when I was telling her one of those things that happened, and ever since then, that's when the real work began for me because I knew at that point, I was safe enough with her to let her see my pain.

You will be able to do it when you are ready. You will know when you are ready. If you or you're T tries to push too hard too fast, it may do more harm than good.

Hugs to you!!!!

we do talk about lighter things, I ask for advice/help with my kids, etc., interspersed with work on heavier things. t likes to pace sessions so there aren't several heavy ones in a row.
sometimes we just talk about what I can talk about, if I can't get the words for the heavier things out.....

Thanks for the replies. It is a hard process and feels like it will never end sometimes.

I always worry that I'm wasting her time and that she has other people to see or that there are people who need her more than I do and I'm just taking up time. I'm in there to work on issues and here we sit, talking about what book she's reading, you know?

I wonder if they ever get frustrated with us. Do you think a T would stop seeing you because you just couldn't talk about things?

I'm giggling because this is one of the main reasons my T DOES see me! I'm mute or severely stuttering about half the time, so not being able to talk about things is my norm for therapy. They know how hard it is to get the stuff out, so it's okay, after all this is what they do all day long. And "light" sessions just build that bond so your subconscious can slowly trust them more and more with the hard stuff.

We usually start off with the past week, and some random things. Then switch into the harder stuff. Some weeks I feel like we're going somewhere and other weeks I leave wondering why I even bother. I have a horrible time opening up and I get such bad anxiety during sessions. I completely broke down crying the first session with my current T and have visibly held back tears several times.

My T says sometimes she thinks I just need a regular conversation and that's okay. So sometimes our sessions seem to be as if we're old friends chatting about random things. Then she gives me some tough homework for the next week.

yes this is how my therapist worked with me and sometimes still does. if you are in the usa most times a mental health provider works on daily life skills and problems before they work a whole lot on triggering things like trauma. this is so that the client has the skills they need to keep their self safe, and self nurture once the hard works begins. then during the hard work most but not all mental health providers believe in pacing the client so that they are not going so fast through the trauma that they end up suicidal, self injuring or experiencing over whelming panic and flashbacks.

You're not wasting her time. When I read your post I worried about whether you feel like she's wasting your time. I don't think that's what you're saying, but just in case that is what's going on, I do think there are some therapists out there who don't know how to get into the deeper issues very well, unfortunately. As long as you don't feel like you want her to push you, I think it's fine to take as much time as you need to get comfortable.

It is probably about pacing and not going too fast,, not being too overwhelming. A lot of T's do this. If you talked about the big, overwhelming stuff every single time the whole session, WOW, that would be SO hard. But if you mix in some every day, light stuff here and there, it makes the hard stuff easier to handle. My T talks about really intense stuff a lot, but sometimes we do stuff like talk about silly stuff, go for walks, look at photographs, have a snack, be silly. It makes for better pacing that way.

I noticed how you said your T talks about random stuff. You didn't ask, "do you ever talk about random things in therapy?" It is up to you to talk about what you want. If you are wanting to talk about random things, then you can. Or deeper stuff--you can. Your T should not be the one who decides the topic. Are you sure you have no responsibility here? Maybe your T is just following your lead? Next time, could you try talking about something you want to talk about, and see if your T will follow?

I think you should tell your T that. Maybe she doesn't know you are dissatisfied with the topics. I think there are some Ts that are uncomfortable with silence. Silence can help the client think about what they really want to talk about and bring it up. If the T rushes to fill the empty space, then that opportunity is missed. It is much harder to raise a topic by interrupting a T who is talking about her favorite book than it is to speak some words into silence. Neither is easy, but I think it harder to "turn the tide" of conversation than to start something.

I hope you can talk to your T about this and let her know what you want to talk about. Recently I was with my T and really wanted to talk about a hard topic, and he knew it. He was very patient and didn't try to get us off on other topics. I said to him several times, "I can't get started. I don't know how." Instead of leaving me the silence, like he usually does, he asked if I wanted him to ask questions, and so I let him do that (it reminded me of that game, 20 questions). It was actually great, and helped us at least do some preliminary talk around the topic. So maybe your T has some tricks up her sleeve too, Paige, and could help you talk about stuff you want to, if you let her know you need help.