[velcro003]

Do you feel bad your T has to listen to awful/sad stories day in, and day out? And wonder how on EARTH do they cope, or do it for X amount of years?

I have thought/worried about this on and off the whole time i've been in therapy, but i think last session really triggered that worry. I walked in (a few min late), and my T was at her desk trying to get her computer to work or something. She then said we should work on summer scheduling, and when she looked at me I was so startled! I think I kept a normal face though--but she looked exhausted, her hair was all over the place, and her clothes were wrinkled. I honestly wanted to RUN out of there and let her be. I did NOT want to complain to her about my life, when she seems so out of whack.

Of course, I didn't, nor did I say anything about it. Weirdly enough, when she sat down she looked "normal" to me. Its not like I never see her standing or anything. And nothing was "off" in terms of how the therapy session went that day. She seemed in tune, normal T. Weird.

Anyway--I have issues where I do not want to encroach myself on anyone unless I am 100% sure that they don't mind listening to me. Clearly, I shouldn't worry about this in therapy, but I do. I mean how do you listen to sad, traumatic, negative, angry...etc feelings coming from your clients all day? How can they contain all that, and still act like they are unfazed, in a good mood..etc?

I know that T's are trained in self-care, and do consultations and some have their own T's...but STILL. It makes me never want to go back there, so T could have her morning free to rest and relax. I will go back, though.
I work in customer service, and I generally like people-but on bad days, days when i'm tired, upset about something, whatever...it is VERY hard to act friendly and nice to every single customer. I know I don't act the same as if i was in a good mood.

So...anyone else think like this?!

[Asiablue]

I don't know that i feel bad as such, they have chosen this profession and it seems they have a general love for it. But i have often wondered how they do it day in, day out. I suppose it helps that they don't get emotionally involved and keep a professional distance. Otherwise they's burn out quick.

[Suratji]

Sure, therapists have a tough job listening to people who are struggling. I have a friend who is a T and she does a lot of self-care and very seldom does her work impact her negatively. The only times I've seen her stressed is when she's working with a suicidal client. And that is usually only temporary because the resolution is quick.

But what my T has said to me is how exciting it is to witness progress and transformation of a client. Think of a T as a midwife. A midwife is there to assist and help the mother who is giving birth. But, even as empathic and sympathetic as she may be, SHE is not the one going through the pain of labor. AND, the midwife gets to share in the joy of new birth.

So, maybe if you saw your T as a midwife, you might not feel so badly for her. And if she is the professional that you say she is, she does know how to access her own self-care.

I asked my T straight out something like this a couple weeks ago. I asked her when she wakes up in a good mood does she say to herself that she doesn't wanna go in and listen to traumatized, depressed, anxiety ridden people all day. She told me No, she doesn't say that to herself when she is in a good mood or any other mood. T's care about their clients and genuinely want to see get better, but they keep an emotional boundary and are trained to "check in" with themselves throughout the day to make sure they aren't counter-transferring and losing sight of everyone's situation

[jexa]

Well, I am not a T, but I do diagnostic assessments for my job which means I hear a lot of anger, sadness, negativity, fear, every day, while I am asking questions about a person's mental health. And you know what? There are some days when I get drained, but most of the time I really, really enjoy it. I enjoy learning the ways to put different types of people at ease. I enjoy having the chance to be welcomed into an individual's private world. I feel naturally inclined to ask questions of people I meet and explore their depths, but most of the time people don't give a lot of depth at first.. and so being invited in and being allowed to do that with so many people just "feels right."

Those private worlds may be filled with pain, but it makes me feel good to be a part of their path toward change, growth, and maybe even lives filled with joy. I am only their psychometrist, gathering information, but one day I will even be a part of the movement toward growth, and I am sure that will be even better.

I don't think I'll ever stop feeling that way. I think this is why I decided I have to be a T one day. If a T is meant to be a T, helping and healing shouldn't be too draining.

[Indie'sOK]

I've had a bad experience with this with my Old T. She told me, early on, that she wasn't planning on leaving her current work as a clinician for a long time. About a year after that, she found a new job as a social worker at the hospital, and gradually phased out her therapist career. Without really even telling us, her clients. Hmm. I'm not, like, an expert on therapeutic relationships or anything, but something about this is jacked up.

So yeah, I do worry that my New T will become burned out after awhile, even if she is only three years out of grad school. If this happens again, part of me will start to believe that it's my fault!l

[velcro003]

I know you guys are right, and my T is almost always exactly the same--but i don't know how you can do that every day without being exhausted!

[granite1]

yes

[ECHOES]

No, I don't feel bad at all. I don't have to worry about her because she can take excellent care of herself. This is her chosen profession and she loves it. Even after being a therapist for 30 years she still loves learning new things about her field. She knows how to take good care of herself, including making time for relaxation and trips to see her granddaughter. She goes to workshops and lectures. She reads.
She is right where she wants to be

[jexa]

Originally Posted by velcro003

I know you guys are right, and my T is almost always exactly the same--but i don't know how you can do that every day without being exhausted!

Well, how does someone practice medicine and have lives on the line every day and work 16-hour shifts and keep doing it day in and day out? how does someone start a small business and then watch it run into the ground and then start a new one, knowing the odds? how do teachers cope with being overworked, underpaid, and having to deal with child behavior difficulties every day? how do performing artists get on stage and risk the potential of a moment where they just BOMB in front of EVERYone?

People do what they do because they find it rewarding. If it's where they're meant to be, it comes naturally. Every job, being a T too, is exhausting sometimes, but being a T is also super rewarding.

[peridot28]

I worried quite a bit about this a few months ago, and I finally talked to my T about it. I told her that I didn't want to unleash all of my stuff on her, because I didn't want to harm her in any way or overwhelm her at all. I told her that she hears so many difficult things from people day in and day out and I didn't want to worry her. She could not have said more perfect words to comfort my me. She told me that she does not internalize any of her clients' problems, but she does have enormous empathy and compassion for us. She leaves what goes on in her office, in her office.

She says her office is a safe place for us to share our deepest and darkest hurts and pains, and she likes to think of it like someone comes in at night and sucks it all up and takes all that yuck away, because she doesn't take it home with her. She said she has to leave it in her office or she wouldn't be taking good care of herself so that she can give to us each day. She told me not to worry about her (of course I do), because she wouldn't be a very good therapist if she couldn't handle it. She said maybe someone else couldn't handle it, but she definitely can. She told me how much she absolutely loves her job and never plans to retire, because she loves it so much. Since then, I've been able to be completely open and honest with her about my pain and my abuse. She said it's not my job to take care of her or spare her feelings. She wants all of me, my happy and my sad.

[with or without you]

No, I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself.

[PTSDlovemycats]

No. My PDoc takes several holidays a year to recharge herself and if she is feeling like she is about to burn out then she will always takes a week off of work, Like others have said they are the ones that chose their profession. I don't feel like I need to feel guilty about it.

[Flooded]

No, I'm not there to care about her.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I used to worry about it, and I told my T how I felt - that I felt like I was dumping all my crap on her, that I was some how contaminating her by subjecting her to my issues, etc. She told me that she does not feel dumped on or subjected to what I tell her...that she is honored that I choose to share with her and that she is glad she is able to help me. She has assured me that she in no way feels contaminated by what I share.

So, I've tried not to worry about it so much...the thoughts still creep in, but then I stop myself and tell myself "wait, T has already told you how she feels about this, and it is okay to share with her."

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

No, I don't feel bad at all. I don't have to worry about her because she can take excellent care of herself. This is her chosen profession and she loves it. Even after being a therapist for 30 years she still loves learning new things about her field. She knows how to take good care of herself, including making time for relaxation and trips to see her granddaughter. She goes to workshops and lectures. She reads.
She is right where she wants to be

How do you know? Did you ask her?

Originally Posted by peridot28

I worried quite a bit about this a few months ago, and I finally talked to my T about it. I told her that I didn't want to unleash all of my stuff on her, because I didn't want to harm her in any way or overwhelm her at all. I told her that she hears so many difficult things from people day in and day out and I didn't want to worry her. She could not have said more perfect words to comfort my me. She told me that she does not internalize any of her clients' problems, but she does have enormous empathy and compassion for us. She leaves what goes on in her office, in her office.

She says her office is a safe place for us to share our deepest and darkest hurts and pains, and she likes to think of it like someone comes in at night and sucks it all up and takes all that yuck away, because she doesn't take it home with her. She said she has to leave it in her office or she wouldn't be taking good care of herself so that she can give to us each day. She told me not to worry about her (of course I do), because she wouldn't be a very good therapist if she couldn't handle it. She said maybe someone else couldn't handle it, but she definitely can. She told me how much she absolutely loves her job and never plans to retire, because she loves it so much. Since then, I've been able to be completely open and honest with her about my pain and my abuse. She said it's not my job to take care of her or spare her feelings. She wants all of me, my happy and my sad.

That is such a perfect response from your T! I think the only way I'll feel better is just to ASK her, but that scares me too much!

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by with or without you

No, I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself.

Originally Posted by Flooded

No, I'm not there to care about her.

I wish I could feel like this, but I don't want to burden her. What if she had a horrible night? Didn't get any sleep? What if something bad is going on in her life? And now she has to go in and pretend to be Perfect T?

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Do you feel bad your T has to listen to awful/sad stories day in, and day out? And wonder how on EARTH do they cope, or do it for X amount of years?

I don't feel bad. I know that she loves her job and considers it a gift that people share stories of their lives with her. I don't wonder how she copes - I'm trusting that she's got the training and experience to do that. I have enough to worry about.

Good question.

[kaliope]

Its a job, just like any other. If she didnt get any sleep or she's got something bad going on, she's got to come in and do her job just like anybody else would have to do. And she probably isnt doing it perfectly or you wouldnt have noticed her stress when you caught her off gaurd at your last session. T's are people just like anybody else.

But you can look at this worry of dumping "bad stuff" on her from another angle. what you see as the "bad stuff" a T sees as challenges. It is a T's mission so to speak to take challenges and help you turn them into opportunities for growth. Therefore the more stuff you give her, there is more there is to work with, the more opportunity to growth. Dont be afraid to share about what is going on in your life. Youre only doing a disservice to yourself.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by kaliope

Its a job, just like any other. If she didnt get any sleep or she's got something bad going on, she's got to come in and do her job just like anybody else would have to do. And she probably isnt doing it perfectly or you wouldnt have noticed her stress when you caught her off gaurd at your last session. T's are people just like anybody else.

But you can look at this worry of dumping "bad stuff" on her from another angle. what you see as the "bad stuff" a T sees as challenges. It is a T's mission so to speak to take challenges and help you turn them into opportunities for growth. Therefore the more stuff you give her, there is more there is to work with, the more opportunity to growth. Dont be afraid to share about what is going on in your life. Youre only doing a disservice to yourself.

wow. i have never thought of it like that. thank you.

I think about that sometimes. But my therapist is a really strong person. She has gone through a lot of hard times. She has been doing trauma therapy for over 20 years and she's a professional.... she seems to be going strong and is able to take care of herself. I know she's heard it all by now, so I doubt I am going to tell her anything that's going to send her over the edge.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

I think about that sometimes. But my therapist is a really strong person. She has gone through a lot of hard times. She has been doing trauma therapy for over 20 years and she's a professional.... she seems to be going strong and is able to take care of herself. I know she's heard it all by now, so I doubt I am going to tell her anything that's going to send her over the edge.

how do you know that? i know next to nothing about my T

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by velcro003

I wish I could feel like this, but I don't want to burden her. What if she had a horrible night? Didn't get any sleep? What if something bad is going on in her life? And now she has to go in and pretend to be Perfect T?

I interviewed my current pdoc before I revealed some things to her, because sadly I did get a t that had severe issues herself and it was very, very messy between us for 2 years. It completely ****ed me over as it wound up as ME being the therapist

I have also found psychiatrists to be way more professional and now would NEVER go near a psychologist again.

Originally Posted by velcro003

how do you know that? i know next to nothing about my T

my therapist is pretty open about her life, she tells me tons plus her story is online in her journal and stuff which she has let me read

[needsomepeace]

Actually I asked my Psychiatrist this question and he said he feels it is worth it if he thinks he can help them. He is a rare breed, he truly cares, I started seeing him for medication once a month and he began talk therapy with me because I needed it. Best advise is to pray for your Dr, counselor, therapist to give them extra strength and to watch out for them.

Originally Posted by velcro003

Do you feel bad your T has to listen to awful/sad stories day in, and day out? And wonder how on EARTH do they cope, or do it for X amount of years?

I have thought/worried about this on and off the whole time i've been in therapy, but i think last session really triggered that worry. I walked in (a few min late), and my T was at her desk trying to get her computer to work or something. She then said we should work on summer scheduling, and when she looked at me I was so startled! I think I kept a normal face though--but she looked exhausted, her hair was all over the place, and her clothes were wrinkled. I honestly wanted to RUN out of there and let her be. I did NOT want to complain to her about my life, when she seems so out of whack.

Of course, I didn't, nor did I say anything about it. Weirdly enough, when she sat down she looked "normal" to me. Its not like I never see her standing or anything. And nothing was "off" in terms of how the therapy session went that day. She seemed in tune, normal T. Weird.

Anyway--I have issues where I do not want to encroach myself on anyone unless I am 100% sure that they don't mind listening to me. Clearly, I shouldn't worry about this in therapy, but I do. I mean how do you listen to sad, traumatic, negative, angry...etc feelings coming from your clients all day? How can they contain all that, and still act like they are unfazed, in a good mood..etc?

I know that T's are trained in self-care, and do consultations and some have their own T's...but STILL. It makes me never want to go back there, so T could have her morning free to rest and relax. I will go back, though.
I work in customer service, and I generally like people-but on bad days, days when i'm tired, upset about something, whatever...it is VERY hard to act friendly and nice to every single customer. I know I don't act the same as if i was in a good mood.

So...anyone else think like this?!