[NoOneButMe]

Hi,

I don't know what to do about this therapist I have been seeing since last October. I do know she has bipolar disorder and at one time was in very bad shape to the extent she could not talk. Coincidentally, I ended up at the same p-doc that helped her so it's sort of weird. I sense she may have her own stuff going on, but it's causing me harm or am I just imagining this?

Recently I sent her an email letting her know I was having a mixed state as in bipolar. We'd discussed writing the Dr a letter and I sent her the email a week in advance asking if I could just send her bullet items and she never responded back. Not quite knowing what is proper out of session etiquette I sent her another email to tell her that any time she spends reading or responding to emails can just come off our session so she is compensated for her time. No response back. So six days went by and I realized, "hey, I am having a serious trust issue here" so I cancelled my appt for the next day. She answered that email within two hours saying she'd been working on a draft of the letter for us to go over in our next session and sorry for not getting back to you sooner. She signed off with Best Wishes. Ugh? Did I just get the brush off without really coming out and saying buh bye? So I sent her another email telling her not to put too much work into the letter as I was waiting on a blood draw report for a med I'm on and the p-doc may adjust my meds or something. Told her I'd call her this coming week to set up an appt. No word back from her.

So it would seem she only has time to respond to a cancellation email and I have the distinct impression she is trying to subtlely tell me to go away while still covering her butt due to ethics and professional standard issues. Am I right or am I just paranoid? I really don't feel like making another appt and with her lack of response of course I just spiraled further down. Thanks for any thoughts.

[googley]

I would go in and talk about this with your T. It sounds like the two of you don't have a clear understanding when it comes to outside of session communication. This is a really hard topic and can be painful when both sides don't know what to expect from each other. It sounds like a misscommunication. I know some people here on PC (including me) have it set up with our Ts that we have to specifically ask for a response when we want one. That cuts down on the misscommunication. It may be that your T thought you two would go over it in session so she didn't think a reply was needed. You should go talk to her about this.

[NoOneButMe]

Originally Posted by googley

I would go in and talk about this with your T. It sounds like the two of you don't have a clear understanding when it comes to outside of session communication. This is a really hard topic and can be painful when both sides don't know what to expect from each other. It sounds like a misscommunication. I know some people here on PC (including me) have it set up with our Ts that we have to specifically ask for a response when we want one. That cuts down on the misscommunication. It may be that your T thought you two would go over it in session so she didn't think a reply was needed. You should go talk to her about this.

Thanks, Googley, but I am really hung up on those two words "Best Wishes." You would not believe how much I've googled on that on the Net to find out what that means. I know I've used it myself in most of my send-offs in life, so maybe that's why it's bugging me so much. I mean, why would a therapist say Best Wishes if she plans on seeing you again? And why no other reply to any of my mails except for the one cancelling the appt?

This thing has just made me go south and I don't need that at this point in my life. Appreciate your response.

[rainbow_rose]

I think 'Best Wishes' could have more than one interpretation. I agree communication/clarification from your therapist is needed. You won't know what she means until you ask her.

[NoOneButMe]

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

I think 'Best Wishes' could have more than one interpretation. I agree communication/clarification from your therapist is needed. You won't know what she means until you ask her.

Yes, you're right, but there are a couple of other things that don't sit well with me. Without getting into too much detail, a neighbor of mine threw 15 sharp objects (with eight sharp prongs each) into my dogs' yard. When I brought them to show her, her response was like....hmm, no big deal. Well, the police officer I called about it took it as a big deal. And she doesn't want to deal with my issues, rather tells me to go to groups to deal with them. I was involved in an abusive relationship and in all these months we've never gotten into details. She's just told me to go to an abuse group. And I feel like she is overwhelmed with my depression and that is why on several occasions she has wanted to talk with my p-doc.

I feel like I'm too big of a problem and so she keeps referring me back to the Dr. and these groups without ever really taking the time to delve into stuff. Also, I tried to discuss my mother with her (who has some narcissistic traits) and she told me we're all narcissists. See where I am going with this? Then to confuse me even more, my p-doc thinks she's the best therapist there is or one of the best. While I trust him, I have serious misgivings about her and don't know how to say "I have serious misgivings about you" to her. I do thank you for your thoughts and am just confused. Given the last year, I've found that when confused it's best to do nothing.

[googley]

It sounds like you have multiple issues with your T other than just the email issues. Given that she seems to not want to deal with your issues, you might want to look into finding another T. Could you talk to your Pdoc about it? Ask him/her for referrals? If she is telling you to go to groups to deal with your issues, that sounds like she does not believe she is trained to help you with your issues. You might want to have one last meeting to ask her how she sees her helping you with your issues and to express yourself. It is often good to have at least one last session to come to closure with your current T. To be able to verbalize your frustrations and give your T a chance to respond.

[NoOneButMe]

Originally Posted by googley

It sounds like you have multiple issues with your T other than just the email issues. Given that she seems to not want to deal with your issues, you might want to look into finding another T. Could you talk to your Pdoc about it? Ask him/her for referrals? If she is telling you to go to groups to deal with your issues, that sounds like she does not believe she is trained to help you with your issues. You might want to have one last meeting to ask her how she sees her helping you with your issues and to express yourself. It is often good to have at least one last session to come to closure with your current T. To be able to verbalize your frustrations and give your T a chance to respond.

Thanks, I had this long post and somehow lost it so I'll just thank you and take your advice to heart. I am still processing her lack of response and I was only looking for a one or two line email response even asking me if I would like to come in sooner and I did not even get that, which makes me question how invested she is in helping me. I did get a referral from my p-doc and will follow up on that. Just hope he's not too expensive. I've spent thousands on trying to get better and at this point just don't know if anyone can help me.

I would take the advice of going in for a last session with you're current T and just have this all cleared up. You say youre current T is bipolar? Perhaps her meds need to be adjusted . ((((((((( hugs)))))

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

this sounds really confusing and upsetting for you.

It seems like when you tell her about things that are affecting you, you find she is brushing you off, not seeing them as important or not responding at all, would that be correct?

With regards to the saying "best wishes" I actually often use that on emails to people, not as a way of saying 'i'm never going to see you again' but as a way of saying 'i wish you well until we next meet'. It's easy to read too much into things our T says and guess their meaning when really we won't know the truth without asking our T themselves.

I understand how frustrating it must have been for her not to respond but then conveniently respond when you said you were cancelling. I too would probably wonder what this was about. Have you had discussions with your T about contact outside of sessions and about whether or not she responds to email or if she just reads them and then feels that its better addressed in the session; because if this was the case then it would be understandable that the only email she reponded to was the more immediate one about ending. It does sound like she was thinking of you when she said she was writting up a draft of the letter.

I think at the moment there is a bit of conflict between what you want from therapy and her way of conducting it and maybe just a bit of clear communication and agreements about things such as contact between sessions would really help?

Can I ask if you think it's possible that since finding out she has bi-polar, you are more aware of things she may be doing wrong? I am not saying you are wrong in saying that she has infact done these things because its very possible any T could but I am just wondering how you feel about it?

(((hugs))

[NoOneButMe]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey,

this sounds really confusing and upsetting for you.

It seems like when you tell her about things that are affecting you, you find she is brushing you off, not seeing them as important or not responding at all, would that be correct?

With regards to the saying "best wishes" I actually often use that on emails to people, not as a way of saying 'i'm never going to see you again' but as a way of saying 'i wish you well until we next meet'. It's easy to read too much into things our T says and guess their meaning when really we won't know the truth without asking our T themselves.

I understand how frustrating it must have been for her not to respond but then conveniently respond when you said you were cancelling. I too would probably wonder what this was about. Have you had discussions with your T about contact outside of sessions and about whether or not she responds to email or if she just reads them and then feels that its better addressed in the session; because if this was the case then it would be understandable that the only email she reponded to was the more immediate one about ending. It does sound like she was thinking of you when she said she was writting up a draft of the letter.

I think at the moment there is a bit of conflict between what you want from therapy and her way of conducting it and maybe just a bit of clear communication and agreements about things such as contact between sessions would really help?

Can I ask if you think it's possible that since finding out she has bi-polar, you are more aware of things she may be doing wrong? I am not saying you are wrong in saying that she has infact done these things because its very possible any T could but I am just wondering how you feel about it?

(((hugs))

A lot of great comments and questions from all (thanks!) but right now I am kind of in shock and can only address so much. I chose her in part because she is bipolar and I thought we had a lot in common. And yes, the only emails she answers are the ones where I cancel or tell her I am thinking of getting a new T. And I did send her an honest email trying to clarify all this a.m. and letting her know I am considering another T. There was more to it (around in-between session etiquette, etc). Again, she wrote me back within two hours but I don't have the heart to read it. I am so down over this; it's as if I can't risk one more piece of bad news today.

What is shocking is I did a bit of research and on her profile on the Net she says she treats everyone but heterosexuals, which I am! Also, she is starting these three groups for bipolar, depression and unemployment and never once mentioned this to me. So I am a bit taken aback at this new information but it could explain why at times things have felt a little off.

Could it be a mistake she forgot to tick off the heterosexual box? I don't think so as certainly she must have proofed that profile 10 plus times as there were no spelling errors, no typos, etc. and it went on a MAJOR psych site. If she doesn't deal with heterosexuals, shouldn't that have been disclosed to me?! Oh my goodness, I really appreciate everyone's input and responses but I think I need to go lose myself in some mindless endeavor today to take my mind off of anything confusing or negative.