The unconscious desire in fear

Tonight at the end of my session, as T and I were both standing while she was checking her calendar for next week (I am changing my standing appointment to a different day), I remembered that I wanted to ask her about email frequency. Not too long ago she decided we could try it. I'd expressed a desire to be able to write to her a long time ago.

I don't write between every session and this week I wrote twice. I was a bit worried about that being too much, as neither was brief. So, standing at her desk as she checked her calendar, I remembered, "Oh! I wanted to ask about the emails. We didn't talk about how often it was okay to email. I don't want to write too much. I mean, I don't want to write every day or anything."
In her musical and smiley voice as she was leaning over her desk and writing my name in next Wednesay's time slot, she said, "Of course you do."
Ha!! We both laughed and I said "It's fear as unconscious desire!"
and she laughed and said "You're too smart for me." lol

She's said before that I keep her on her toes because I read so much.
So, I had to tell her that I am reading "Basic Freud" by Michael Kahn, and I had just read about fear being unconscious desire. Too funny.

Another good session - 2 in a row! And I didn't feel much like going tonight.

"Fear as unconscious desire"? I really want to know more about this idea. Can you elaborate?

Reaction formation is a defense mechanism in which a person protects themself from anxiety by manipulating an internal perception. It means misperceiving a feeling as its opposite (turning love into aggression or aggression into love, for example).

An extremely important form of reaction formation is misperceiving a wish as a fear is a common way of protecting oneself from guilt over the wish.

paraphrased from the book Basic Freud by Michael Kahn PhD

I'm not understanding the connection between your first paragraph and the second paragraph.

How is mis-perceiving a feeling fear based? A person might be fearful of love, therefore becomes aggressive because of that fear?

Can you give an example of a wish that becomes a fear?

This is so fascinating. Sorry for all the questions. Maybe I should read the book instead.

Awww, I love this. I think she knows you. LOL!

cool Echoes!
I just wrote about this in an exam!
Surjati, an example of reaction formation is homophobia. So the idea is that homophobes may habor unconscious homosexual impulses which they think are unacceptable, and instead transform that fear into a conscious dislike of homosexuals.

glad your sessions are going well echoes

Thanks lily99. Good example!

Another example is a person who fears that her therapist might seduce her.
(But when explored it is determined that there is an unconscious wish for that to happen.)
The therapist has no intent nor desire to seduce the patient.
The patient misinterprets the therapist's warmth and attention as seduction and feels frightened. The fear is genuine. But the fear begins with the wish.
The reality is that the therapist is not attempting to seduce.
It is the patient's wish and the guilt of that wish that creates the fear.

Hey Echoes,

Its great to have 2 good sessions in a row and I hope you have many more! I read a lot too and question my therapist or my mental health worker about things. My MH worker often says " you probably know more than me on that", which is funny. Reading is a great way to gain insight into our own difficulties and has helped me immensley in coping with my own difficulties.

Your T sounds lovely

xxxx