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#1
Jun 29, 2011, 08:01 PM
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Well, today I talked with my T.
It is always so so good to see him. I really do like my T. I was VERY VERY honest with him about some of the issues I still have. Some things that have the very deepest roots in me... things that kill me on the inside that I NEED to finalize. I finally am done with the actual childhood trauma bits and happy with how all that is now put together. And I know I can move into this next stage of healing... but I still dread it. Even just this session where we barely talked about the ex-H junk had me a bit off kilter. The abuse was when I was 16-18 , so it is not like the childhood trauma. I have DID though and a lot of the abuse happened to me after my ex-H forced me into dissociation and had my young alter come out. Those of you with DID know how VERY VERY bad that is. It is something that a good spouse of someone with DID watches to make sure the younger alters are not "out" during certain activities of an adult nature. Anyway, he was big into role playing.. OMG - that was NOT NOT NOT in my awareness until I just typed it out. Guys, I don't want to do this part. I know it will heal me, and I know I only have to do it once. I want to shelve it but it is time to process through. My T has his holiday stuff for two weeks after next Tue when I see him. So I need to make a real plan for me on how to do the processing. I know he will be out of town, but I know I will be fine with the tools he has given me already. Bottom line is I just don't want to do this. My Little One alter was just BEGGING me to NOT make her tell HER "dolphin daddy" (our T) about what the "very bad mean man" made her do. Guys, I hate abusers. Why do they do this stuff and really make people suffer .. what now.. twenty three years after? almost a quarter of a century. Sometimes I feel inside SO messed up. And some days I still feel shattered. Buy you know what? After being with my wonderful T for two years now :-) I am so amazed at how many good days I am having... days when I forget that I had that stuff happen to me. Days when I don't hear the insults and degradations. Days when I am ONE :-) If anyone reading this is not in therapy and are considering it, give it a go. It CAN change your entire life. It saved mine. Very very litterally. Onward and Upward! Last edited by WePow; Jun 29, 2011 at 08:14 PM. |
 PTSDlovemycats, rainbow8, rainbow_rose
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#2
Jun 29, 2011, 09:23 PM
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WePow, I don't really know what to say other than that must have been awful and I just want to give you some support and big, big
  ((((((((HUGS!!!))))))))))))
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| WePow
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#3
Jun 29, 2011, 09:51 PM
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lots of hugs, WePow.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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#4
Jun 29, 2011, 10:02 PM
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sooo encouraging WEPOW... you've gotten through so much already, just continue to remember that you have... you sure will get through this new healing journey with T, involving the ex-H too, just remember where you've been, how you got through it ( as a reminder that your strong enough) but, most importantly remember... WHERE you are going & WHERE you are headed... and that is to more freedom, peace of mind, and hope. (((hugs)))
__________________
---  A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.Maya Angelou. so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456 ---------------------------- "You're not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." (Woodrow Wilson) 
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#5
Jun 29, 2011, 10:36 PM
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#6
Jun 29, 2011, 10:47 PM
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(((( WePow ))))
Such hard stuff. I admire your courage to know how hard this is, but that you feel confident enough in the skills you've learned and in your relationship with T to be able to work towards getting through it. I hope to get there someday too. ((( HUGS )))
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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#7
Jun 30, 2011, 06:03 AM
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you are so brave.
and you help me so much. I hope this next phase is wonderfully healing for you, WePow.
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#8
Jun 30, 2011, 01:44 PM
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You will be in such a better place when you are done with this next phase. I am sorry that you have to do it though. You have accomplished so much already!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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