[Indie'sOK]

I'm sorry to make this thread, I'm just really nervous about this all of a sudden, you guys. I'm so worried T is going to leave me, just like Old T did. She can say she isn't going to, but that's what OT said too. I care about her so much. I feel like I love her. I know this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it feels wrong. I know I need a heart-to-heart session, but because of vacations, my next one isn't for another month. I know this sounds so whiny, but I figured you guys would understand. I feel like I never want to leave her, even though I do want to get better. I really do. But at the same time, I want T to see me through this whole thing. I want her to see me finish high school and go off to college and transform into the person she knows I desire so strongly to become. I just need this, right now. I need HER, right now. This always has to happen in the couple days after a session. Again, I know I don't support you guys as much as I should - I do want to help, I do. It's just because I don't know what to say. I guess all this was just stuck at my mind's periphery, waiting to unload. Too bad I couldn't have done that in session.

Ugh.

(((((((((indie)))))))))!!

You don't sound whiny at all. AT ALL. Of course that is a scary thought for you, especially if it happened before. And it sounds like you know exactly what you want and need...for T to be there with you as you move through high school and college and beyond...and it makes so much sense that feeling that so strongly might stir up the feelings of "what if I can't have that?"

I used to be so scared T was going to terminate or refer me. SO scared. I had to ask him over and over and over and over and over again, and then I had to EXPERIENCE his constant presence, before that fear finally left me. It took a long time...like, honestly, years. But I made it, and you will too.

I'm sorry it's so long before you can sit down and talk to T and get the reassurance you need. What can you do to keep yourself out of the spiraly place while she's gone?? Sometimes if I have a plan, it helps. Like tonight, I KNOW I need to get out of my head, so I am going to go to my son's baseball game and sit outside and just feel how BIG the sky is and let myself get as big as I can so my feelings feel a little smaller.

Tomorrow, I'll figure out something else. One day at a time.

When I can't talk to T, it really helps me to find a concrete, planned way to stay out of the scary place in my head a little bit.

Posting here is good. And never whiny. You are such a good person and you deserve support just like everyone else.

[googley]

((((((((((Indie)))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Indie ))))))))))))))))

don't have any great advice, but you are definitely not whiny.... i get the whiny award this month. that would be so hard for me to deal with. i like how your t is thinking about you and trying to be there for you with another t. i know it it isn't the same t though. i think you are courageous for agreeing to be open to another t.... good luck and please share what happens or anything else you need too.

sending safe hugs

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by treehouse

(((((((((indie)))))))))!!

You don't sound whiny at all. AT ALL. Of course that is a scary thought for you, especially if it happened before. And it sounds like you know exactly what you want and need...for T to be there with you as you move through high school and college and beyond...and it makes so much sense that feeling that so strongly might stir up the feelings of "what if I can't have that?"

I used to be so scared T was going to terminate or refer me. SO scared. I had to ask him over and over and over and over and over again, and then I had to EXPERIENCE his constant presence, before that fear finally left me. It took a long time...like, honestly, years. But I made it, and you will too.

I'm sorry it's so long before you can sit down and talk to T and get the reassurance you need. What can you do to keep yourself out of the spiraly place while she's gone?? Sometimes if I have a plan, it helps. Like tonight, I KNOW I need to get out of my head, so I am going to go to my son's baseball game and sit outside and just feel how BIG the sky is and let myself get as big as I can so my feelings feel a little smaller.

Tomorrow, I'll figure out something else. One day at a time.

When I can't talk to T, it really helps me to find a concrete, planned way to stay out of the scary place in my head a little bit.

Posting here is good. And never whiny. You are such a good person and you deserve support just like everyone else.

((((((Tree))))))) Thank you so much I'm glad you understand my feelings, all of this stuff, and how it's just so hard to talk about with T...I'm glad you're getting out of your head by staying busy...that is a very good idea. I remember one session, I told her that "I feel like 90% of my mental energy is in overdrive, focused on analysing to death my emotions and problems...". Does that sound familiar?

[Indie'sOK]

Thank you everyone

T really supported me when I was having big feelings about what happened with my previous therapist...guess I still am, but less and less each month. I do think that she got upset about it and maybe talked about it with her supervisor. Maybe she didn't, I don't know, but I can tell that it affected her. She keeps trying to convince me to file a grievance against my former T, but I really did care about the woman despite what happened, and I don't want to make waves. It's ok, really. She's not a therapist anymore, so she can't hurt anyone else, so that's good.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I don't think you are whining at all. Just simply expressing your feelings. Express away Indie!!

[Indie'sOK]

Thank you Cats (((hug)))

[Marie123]

Perhaps it would help if she wrote it all down and you could read it when feeling panicky and/or give you a transitional object to look at. You could ask her.