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  #1  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 06:50 AM
Anonymous29412
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I woke up this morning and something felt different....and I realized that I feel better.

I SO don't understand therapy. Yesterday's session was nothing but big big feelings and grounding and feelings and grounding. We still haven't talked about the topic I am avoiding, not really.

But reconnecting with T was such a relief. And finding out that he still loves me was such a relief. And sitting through those feelings and surviving was such a relief.

Sometimes I realize that for me, a lot of therapy really is just about surviving my feelings. I've spent literally my entire life avoiding them..dissociating as a child, eating d/o as a teen, drugs and alcohol as an adult..and dissociating and staying beyond busy since giving up all of my other "bad" coping skills.

So, when I sit in therapy and feel all of those things I've avoided, it feels horrible. Like, I can't even describe it (although I'm sure people here understand). It's overwhelming. There are no words, and it feels like I won't even survive it.

But then I DO survive it. And it's such a relief to discover that I am stronger than I thought and that I can do this. That there is a chance that I will make it to the other side.

And yesterday, when I told T I wanted to try touching fingers and he moved closer and then he had me try two fingers and then three...that small thing felt like I was reaching out to reconnect with T, which was really hard, and that he was reaching back to reconnect with me. And it doesn't sound like a big deal...I would have left with the "one finger" touch and felt like we had taken a step, but T gave me the gift of pushing me a little bit and letting me leave feeling a little bit more connected.

I know there will be so many ups and downs while I work through this part of my story, but it felt so good today to wake up in an "up" after so many "downs".
Thanks for this!
Chronic, dismantle.repair, elliemay, Fartraveler, googley, Indie'sOK, learning1, PTSDlovemycats, rainbow8, rainbow_rose, Sannah, Suratji, zooropa

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  #2  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 10:00 AM
Fartraveler Fartraveler is offline
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Thanks for sharing this, Tree.

And it is so nice that you are feeling better.
  #3  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 10:34 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((((((((((( treehouse ))))))))))))))
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  #4  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 11:20 AM
sittingatwatersedge sittingatwatersedge is offline
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hearing about this is like hearing the rain starting to come down after a long dry spell.
I am breathing a smile of thanks for all of what happened yesterday, and the growth that you feel. and thank you for thinking of sharing it with us!!
  #5  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 11:39 AM
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Indie'sOK Indie'sOK is offline
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You're going to get there, and it will take time. But it'll all be worth it in the end, and you couldn't have found a better person to help you through it.
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  #6  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 03:15 PM
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nannypat nannypat is offline
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Glad to hear you are feeling a little better and a little more connected with T.
  #7  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 03:20 PM
Anonymous47147
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So glad to hear you are feeling better and that you got to reconnect with your T.. that always feels good!
  #8  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 03:58 PM
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zooropa zooropa is offline
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so happy to read this, tree.
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She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
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  #9  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 06:49 PM
anonymous31613
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the "two fingers" really got to me when i read your post yesterday, i still think it is so awesome that t suggested it.... i am guessing here but i would also guess that his voice was very calm, gentle and ooozing with compassion???? thanks again for sharing this!!!

glad you are feeling better

sending safe hugs

Last edited by anonymous31613; Jun 16, 2011 at 06:50 PM. Reason: added something
  #10  
Old Jun 16, 2011, 07:00 PM
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dismissed feelings dismissed feelings is offline
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SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!

Thanks for sharing!!!
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