[jexa]

Hey guys,

I came across this article online and found it really helpful. It is nice to hear from a reputable source the thing that all of us who struggle with attachment in T know -- dependency is painful and it is a situation where the T's ability to balance the need for dependency and the need for growth is paramount.

http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/steele-2001.php

The whole article is awesome and I'd recommend it to everyone, but the quote below seems really relevant to several of us here on the boards. This article should be required reading for psychology students!

If the therapist responds erratically or with detachment or enmeshment, dependency will increase further rather than resolve, since unpredictable responsiveness prolongs dependency (Main, 1990).

ETA = And this quote too:

The therapist must recognize the central role of the therapeutic relationship in work with chronically traumatized patients with insecure attachment (Chu, 1998; Cohen & Sherwood, 1991; Connors, 1997; Dalenberg, 2000; Davies & Frawley, 1994; Farber, Lippert, & Nevas, 1995; Gunderson, 1996; Laub & Auerhahn, 1989; McCann & Pearlman, 1990; Olio & Cornell, 1993; Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995; Steele & Van der Hart, 1997). An empathic acceptance and understanding of the sometimes intense, desperate, and painful nature of the patient's dependency, or conversely, the shame and vehement disavowal of dependency is essential, as it is the basis for resolving insecure attachment and dependency. The therapist must stimulate the development of a secure attachment with the patient, thus the therapist should be dependable. This requires collaboration, consistency, predictability, genuineness, warmth, empathy, and clear and flexible boundaries and limits. It also means the therapist must be congruent or transparent in his/her approach to the patient. In other words, what the therapist says and does should match, and respect for the patient as a human being should be reflected not only in session, but when discussing the patient with colleagues. The therapist's dependability enables the patient to face the challenge of developing secure attachment that will raise integrative capacity and support activation of emotional systems that support daily life functioning.

[PreacherHeckler]

Jexa I found that article very helpful too. I first read it about 5 or 6 years ago when I had no idea how much dependency was too much or too little, and it really helped me see that my T's approach was very balanced and therapeutic. My T and I frequently talk about predictability and consistency because intermittent reinforcement is very powerful, so T's really need to be aware of that or else they can inadvertently create more problems by being inconsistent.
Excellent article in my opinion.

[zooropa]

I wonder if my T has read this. I wonder how she would react if I pointed her in its direction. Maybe I can anonymously slip it under her door, lol.

[rainbow8]

Thank you, jexa. That article was very interesting!

[BlackCanary]

This is great stuff, really gets to the heart of the matter for me. Navigating between total independence and over-dependence. Consistent vs inconsistent reactions from the adult. My older brother died about 2 yr before I was born. Really affects the attachment patterns
My first therapist was inconsistent in his reactions, sometimes tender, other time detached. Confusing!
Current therapist does a great job with it though, consistently warm and caring. It's nice!