[Thimble]

I was looking for some feedback in terms of "what would you do"...here is the scenario....

You cannot afford private therapy. Throughout the years, you have gone through all the public therapy routes but have not been able to find a reliable, consistent long term therapist willing to deal with your multitude of issues, originating from past traumas/experiences. The public system cannot meet your needs. You become more isolated and withdrawn from society, heading towards agoraphobia, with each year that passes.

A friend is willing to help finance lower cost private services - 20% of the regular rate sliding scale private therapy or online therapy - but a) you are totally not in any way comfortable or willing to accept financial assistance (pro bono services from a therapist are one thing, but gifts from others do not sit well with you - you can't do it) and b) you are heading towards agoraphobia so how would online therapy be helpful - it is hard enough to trust someone in person, let alone when you can't see them. But your only other option, having given up on the public system, is ....no therapy at all and everything stays the same....or gets worse.

Would you just accept the status quo and say well that's it, there are no answers for me (given you have tried so much over the years and nothing has worked out publicly)? Would you accept "non-perfect" therapy options that are available...ie that either mean you accept financial assistance or don't get face to face therapy? I am just wondering others would do if faced with this dilemma.

Many thanks for any comments you might have!

[googley]

Hi Thimble.
It is a really tricky situation you are in. If it were me, I would accept the money offered from your friend, and then talk about it with your therapist about why you are uncomfortable accepting help. My guess is that your uncomfortableness accepting help also impacts other parts of your life. Hopefully with therapy you would be able to get financially stable enough to cover what your friend is paying for. The only thing I would want to do in this situation is set up a plan with your friend about how long this is going to go on for. Like are you going to have this set up for three or six or nine months before reevaluating. I would feel uncomfortable accepting help like that on an open ended basis. Hopefully your treatment would help you be able to get a job that would help to pay for therapy. The other option that I just thought of is if there is a university around you with a psychology department graduate program, a lot of them provide therapy by their students (some of it long term) at a very reduced price. (My school has sessions for $10.) You are being treated by someone who is in training, but they are supervised by clinical psychologists.

[Perna]

I would think of and treat therapy kind of like college/university? I'd make a plan and save up and/or get use to putting aside X dollars a paycheck and decide on what I'd like to work on, with what sort of therapist, etc. My plan would have me researching and learning all I could on my own while I saved, getting a bit of a head start (if I'm shy/anxious/socially "clumsy", for example, I'd start greeting store clerks and librarians and other "public" people; start trying to deliberately look at strangers I passed in the street and smile at them, etc.) and see if I couldn't build up my self-confidence some before I tackled therapy. If I'm depressed or don't like a symptom/characteristic of mine, I'd read about how to work on that, start a journal or checklist and see how far I could get on my own before therapy and what I had particular problems with and thought someone else could help with.

But I'd maybe work/save for 3-6 months on my own and then work/save for 3-6 months with someone else and keep rotating.

[rainbow8]

Maybe it's not available anymore, but I used to see a T at a religious center where I could pay what I could afford. Does the Salvation Army still do that? Church organizations? I don't think those Ts would necessarily be bad. Or, is that the public therapy route you're speaking of? My first T was a social worker and I paid a reduced fee. She was very good and saw me for over 3 years. When she needed help, she got it from a supervisor.

I'd be hesitant to ask a friend for money because therapy is so expensive. I like googley's idea of students in a psych dept.

I'm sorry you're still struggling with finding help for yourself.

[sunrise]

I would accept the friend's offer for a short time and put a cap on it. Say, no longer than 6 months would I accept her charity. I would keep track of the money she has loaned me. And I would work hard in those 6 months to become functional enough to hold a job so I could repay her or at least give her a really nice thank you gift! I think she is making this offer to you because she cares. You would not be considering it unless you really needed her help.

Have you considered clinics that are private but have an affiliation (overt or shadow) with a university? A number of clinics exist that have connections to universities and where both pre-licensure and post-licensure therapists and psychologists practice, often with supervision from faculty. It can be hard to find these, as they can't state their affiliation, so you can't find them by going to the university website. But some universities also have clinics that are sliding scale for the community--not the same as the brief therapy services offered to students. The fees at these places are really reasonable. I just looked up a few programs in my area. One was $45/session, another was $50, and a third was $20-$80, depending on ability to pay. All of these are a huge bargain compared to full price therapy in my area ($150/session or more). Another reasonably priced clinic in my area is run by the local psychoanalytic institute. Religious organizations are another possibility.

I wish you well and hope you can find therapy to help.

[ECHOES]

Sorry for the questions first...

Do you want the therapy, or is it your friend's idea?

Why can the public/community mental health services not meet your needs? Those programs get new therapists and there might be someone there now who wasn't there before, and who could be helpful.

I would first make lots of calls before deciding that private therapy isn't affordable.
My therapist has reduced her usual fee for me and I pay out of pocket less that some might pay with an insurance copay. Even with that, I had to reduce my expenses and give up cable, etc. To me, therapy is a necessity as much as food and shelter.

I would accept the friend's help and ask what the time limit so you both know what that is. Perhaps you can barter if there is something you can do for your friend.
Perhaps difficulty accepting help from your friend reflects an issue that therapy could help, if that help could be accepted.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I can't really give anymore advice than what has already been given but I just want to say that I hope it all works out well for you.