[sailboat]

Yesterday, I asked T. whether she likes me (yikes) and she said:
"I have positive feelings for you."

I know this probably means "I like you" in T. language but I do want to ask you guys what you think of this.
I know T.s are not allowed... or shouldn't say it directly but it still seems odd to me.

[Xeneon]

I believe it means she likes and cares for you. =D

[Izzyparker]

T's are so weird sometimes with the words they choose. That is something my t would absolutely say. But yes, I think she is saying she holds you in high regard and thinks kindly of you which means she likes you.

I find when asked directly, my t will give that sort of answer. But if in a heated conversation, she might blurt out, "I care so much about you, I don't think like that." or "Of course I have loving feelings for you," etc. etc. I've seen my t for 7 years, so this is a topic we have gone over quite a few times.

[sailboat]

It is that easy for once, isn't it Definitely an odd way to tell someone you like them. Because like isn't love. Never mind.

I know this might seem like a stupid question because she could hardly mean the opposite of it but I'm struggling to believe that I managed to show my true self and be likable at the same time.

IzzyParker, I love that your T "forgets" to remain objective in heated discussions.

[Perna]

It sounds awkward, but if you think about it, it is more exact than "like". What does "like" mean, afterall? What you think it means and what someone else thinks it means might be different. Saying she has "positive feelings" is actually a bit better because there's not as much wiggle room (one can't say, she just "likes" me, implying that it is a smaller, inferior situation to love or another emotion) and you know it is multiple, feelings. Like isn't really a feeling, just a vague mishmash of positive regard?

[sailboat]

Originally Posted by Perna

It sounds awkward, but if you think about it, it is more exact than "like". What does "like" mean, afterall? What you think it means and what someone else thinks it means might be different. Saying she has "positive feelings" is actually a bit better because there's not as much wiggle room (one can't say, she just "likes" me, implying that it is a smaller, inferior situation to love or another emotion) and you know it is multiple, feelings. Like isn't really a feeling, just a vague mishmash of positive regard?

Oh, very true! I haven't thought about that. FeelingS...yay

I would think that therapists feel this way about most of their clients? Yes, it does feel good to think we are 'special', but don't they try to make all of their clients feel special? I hope they do.

[sailboat]

Squiggle, you know, I'm not sure. I bet there are Ts out there who take on clients even if they have negative emotions towards them for various reasons like challenge, certainty that they can help anyway and so on. Of course those may not be good Ts but I am sure they are out there. Or they feel okay about the client and as therapy progresses, the client gets annoying or frustrating or shows a side of him/herself that wasn't apparent before and I bet not all T.'s then recommend going to another T.

Also, it depends on therapy. I guess a lot of people go to therapy and have zero attachment or expectations when it comes to the attitude of their T.s towards them so they don't have a need to hear they are special.

Anyhow. I hope it didn't come across as a strong reaction because it's not.

I know I needed to hear it and I'm so glad she said it- even if it is a bit awkwardly phrased.

sailboat, you are right about that. I have asked my therapist if she has ever had a client that annoyed or frustrated her. She said that that is rare, but she has had a few. So, you do have a valid point. Therapists don't always 'like' their clients. I guess they try to act like they do.

My therapist has validated that I am an 'entertaining' client. It was good to hear that from her. So many times we (I) think I am boring her to tears.

I am happy for you that your therapist made you feel special.

[sailboat]

entertaining? Ha, wow! That is a...uh... special term also!
I would ask a million questions if I heard that.
Like as in funny entertaining? Or dramatic? Or as in a TV show

Funny entertaining. Humor. A hoot! She never knows what might come out of my mouth. It took her awhile to figure out my sarcastic wit. She still is not sure at times if I am kidding around or serious.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Sailboat,

I could be wrong but it sounds like even though you want to feel positive about her answer, it still felt disappointing because you deeply hoped she would say something more along the lines of " I care about you very much" or even " yes I like you very much" but the "positive feelings" answer seems very vague in a way. I think this is understandable as most of us want our therapists to feel for us, what we feel for them which is often great affection. Funnily enough I don't know if I have asked my T straight out - "do you like me" but I have asked if she doesn't like me for certain reasons lol.

Perhaps talk to your T about how you felt about the answer??

[sailboat]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

Funny entertaining. Humor. A hoot! She never knows what might come out of my mouth. It took her awhile to figure out my sarcastic wit. She still is not sure at times if I am kidding around or serious.

Oh, so you're a grab bag ! That certainly sounds cool. I'm sure your T. always looks forward to seeing you, as you are something else on those dull days of listening to people whine

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey Sailboat,

I could be wrong but it sounds like even though you want to feel positive about her answer, it still felt disappointing because you deeply hoped she would say something more along the lines of " I care about you very much" or even " yes I like you very much" but the "positive feelings" answer seems very vague in a way. I think this is understandable as most of us want our therapists to feel for us, what we feel for them which is often great affection. Funnily enough I don't know if I have asked my T straight out - "do you like me" but I have asked if she doesn't like me for certain reasons lol.

Perhaps talk to your T about how you felt about the answer??

Hi Dizygirl! Interesting point. I'm actually not sure. I don't think I am disappointed because there were times when I was convinced T. hates me so anything different than negative or "don't care" is good for me.
But yes, of course I would have loved to hear "I care about you very much".
What did your T. say?

[rainbow8]

sailboat, I think some Ts play "by the book". My former T said "you have many positive qualities". That didn't feel as good to me as if she would have said "yes, I like you". My current T said "I like you very much" a number of times when I've asked her, but she has a different orientation and doesn't have those kinds of rules. She also told me that she likes all of her clients, but if she didn't like someone, she wouldn't say anything. But I don't know what she would say if someone asked directly like I did and she didn't like them. I guess it hasn't come up for her with other clients.

I think it's your T's way of saying she likes you.

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by sailboat

Oh, so you're a grab bag ! That certainly sounds cool. I'm sure your T. always looks forward to seeing you, as you are something else on those dull days of listening to people whine

Hi Dizygirl! Interesting point. I'm actually not sure. I don't think I am disappointed because there were times when I was convinced T. hates me so anything different than negative or "don't care" is good for me.
But yes, of course I would have loved to hear "I care about you very much".
What did your T. say?

you are right to say if i am not correct as only you know your true feelings

Well if for example I said to my T, do you hate me because I get upset easily (just a made up example) she would usually say, why would I hate you for being sensitive and caring? So in that way it made me think about it and I couldn't really think of a reason to hate anyone for the reasons she said and it also made me feel good because she was changing my negative thoughts into something positive