Nothing short of a miracle

I sure was skeptical about therapy when I began. Boy did I not want to be there!! One thing that I thought would never happen, was that I would be able to save my marriage. I did not think that was possible at all!!

Well, I am eating crow, because my marriage is slowly healing. The flame is lit again and we actually talk and cuddle! Lord Help, that is nothing short of a miracle! I mean that. If you told me 2 months ago that I would be where I am today, I would have laughed in your face.

My therapist and I have been working on this for a very long time. She kept telling me that once I started letting go of the anger, and started forgiving him and myself, I would see that our marriage could be saved. And, it could be better than ever before

I was like, "Whatever, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah...." I was sick to death of her talking about this because I knew that there was no way that was going to happen. I had to accept that my marriage was what it was. Dead!

I am not exactly sure what happened, but we actually seem to like each other again. I actually kissed him and told him that I loved him. We both laughed and said, "We need to mark this date and time on the calendar! It is a major event!"

Without therapy and my therapist (nagging me to death) about this, this would never have happened. She wouldn't give up on me and would not let me give up on my marriage. I can tell you that many times I sure wanted to!

Now I know that all the hard work, many tears, fear, and anxiety that I have gone through in therapy has been worth it all. I am actually looking forward to working through other issues that I have kept buried away. Yes, I know that it is not going to be easy, but I can see that it does work.

I can actually tell my husband, "I love you" and mean it!

I feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted. I don't understand why it took so long, or why all of the sudden I have had this breakthrough. It all kinda happened on its own time.

I am so glad that she lets me roll my eyes and say things like, "This is stupid" ... "This is ridiculous" ... "It will never happen" ... "I am NOT doing that!" Had she not let me say those things to her, I am not sure I would have been able to get through all of this. I needed to say what I needed to say, and she let me be sarcastic and childish if I needed to.

I have an assignment to write about the changes that are happening in my marriage. I bet she will smile when hears it next week. I kinda wish I would bring a tear to her eye!!! I know that is makes a therapist want to jump for joy when they have been working with a client for months on something, and then the client finally gets it and has a major breakthrough!!

You should be proud of yourself Squiggle.

I am! It was tremendously hard to get to this point. My husband does not know what to think, but he is one happy man!

Good. I am glad that you guys are happy.

youu gooo squiggle! good . good. good. i barely have words..cus all I can do is smile.... your giving people hope on here... hope that they too, can rise above their pain and get better...do better for themselves

dear Squiggle, you squeeze my tears out.
thank you so much for sharing this (and at this particular time, too); you give me hope.
God bless you & yr DH.

((((((Squiggle))))) W O W Z I E W O W Z E R S !!!! That is just AWESOME!!!!!!! Great work on keeping in there and reaching out to get the help you needed when you needed it. And hats off to your partner as well !!! That is what TRUE TRUE TRUE love is all about !!!

I love this, squiggle Such good work!

Many of you know that my husband is quadriplegic. It is difficult for us to stay positive and not allow the struggles to frustrate us. My therapist kept telling me that we will always have this struggle and frustration, but if our attitude toward each other changed, it would make things so much better.

Well, she is right. I still have to do things for him that are not very pleasant to do. He still has to subject himself to total humiliation at times while I take care of him. This is not an easy life at all. That is what brought our marriage to the state it had been in for the past 15 years.

So many times we feel like we are boring our therapists to tears by talking about the same ole' issues over and over and over. I so wanted to move on to other things, but she kept telling me that the issue with my marriage was affecting my entire life at the moment. She said that I had to find peace about it.

I wanted to ignore this and told her that at this point it did not matter. To be honest, I was angry with her and felt like saying, "You have this wonderful, sweet marriage. Your husband can walk. He can go to church with you. He can take you out places. He can hold you and you guys can be (intimate). You have no right to encourage me that I can ever have that in my marriage. How cruel of you to flaunt your marriage/life in front of me!"

No, she never did flaunt her marriage in front or me. It appears she has a great marriage, but I can't know that for sure. She just wanted me to see that my marriage can be happy no matter what circumstances we are in. She wanted me to see just how strong I am. She wanted to encourage me to reach beyond my fear and see that good things were on the other side.

She never tried to make it sound like my life would be easy or that my marriage would miraculously become physically 'normal' or like that of an 'average' married couple. Her purpose was for me to let go of my anger and sadness. Stop trying to compare my marriage and lifestyle to others, but to embrace where I am. She once told me, "This is YOUR life whether you like it or not."

Can I tell you how mad that made me!! How dare her say that! But it made me think. What am I going to do? Run away? Stay in misery? Or am I going to work toward a better attitude and learn to manage this better and embrace my life as it is? To see the value in my circumstances and how I can reach out and help others who struggle just as we do.

I have come to realize that pain is pain, hurt is hurt. No matter what you are going through you cannot compare your issue to someone else's. You can't say, "I don't have any reason to complain or hurt because so and so has it so much worse than I do. Or so and so had such a terrible childhood. Or this person has a physical handicap, or that person had a horrible tragedy in their life."

We all hurt and bleed the same. We all feel pain. We go through emotional turmoil. You can't stop yourself from grieving just because what you are grieving about is nothing compared to someone else's pain.

I did this for so long. Denied myself the opportunity to grieve, to feel, to hurt, to vent, to cry, etc... I felt like I had no right to do that. God has blessed me in so many ways. How can I deny that and just focus on the things in my life that have hurt me. I felt guilty doing that.

Therapy is my lifeline to being able to be me. To think about me. Yes, it was so hard to finally give in and talk about me. I still struggle with it every time I have a session. I have to force myself to do it.

But I can see the pay off. My marriage becoming loving and tender?? Are you kidding me? That was a joke. A cruel joke. Something I didn't even want anymore. I wanted OUT!!! I wanted to start over with someone else, or maybe be alone!! I did not even want to work on my marriage anymore. I had given up.

The rainbow came in glorious colors. The dark clouds have been lifted. The sun is shining again. Hope has found its way into my life. Joy is slowly easing its way into my heart. Love is embracing me.

Sappy? Yes, that sounds kinda sappy and not something that is normal for me to say, but my life is turning around. My heart is softening. My thoughts are changing. I don't know where all of this is going. I spent years and years not liking my husband. Hating him for being the way he is. Harboring anger and resentment toward him.

I realize that I will have to work on this new found love everyday. Am I willing to do this? Is my marriage worth fighting for? Yes, it is. That is almost comical for me to say because I am stubborn and hard headed and NOT going to be happy. That is what I told myself for years. Maybe I felt safe in my misery? Maybe that was really comforting to me? I don't have the answers. I don't know. All I can do is live one day at a time.

Giving others hope? So many have commented to me over the past years that I need to do that. That I have a 'story' to share. I didn't think I had a story that would be interesting to anyone, but as time goes on, I realize that we all have a story. Everyone has something they have overcome in their lives.

The hard thing is to try and stay positive through those trials. Then again, how can you share your story with someone who is struggling and tell them how easy it was for you when you went through what they are going through. People want to see reality. They want us to be transparent. If our life sucks, then say it. But also try to see that you can rise above that and become a better person for having gone through it.

The greatest mentors and role models are not those who have had rosey lives with no issues. They are the ones who have come through great tribulations and trials. Only when you have walked in pain and suffering can you reach out and affectively touch others who are going through similar circumstances.

I do not know what you are going through, but there is always hope. You cannot change anyone but yourself. But when you begin to change yourself, it can affect those around you as well. I am not saying that is easy at all because it's not! It can be hard as heck, but if you want something bad enough or you are fed up with your life as it is, you will get so desperate that you will try anything!!

I had to get naked in front of my husband just to tear down my insecurities and inhibitions! I forced myself to do that. I had to accept myself and my body as it is. He was okay with me. I was the one who felt such disgust and hatred at my own body. Not being able to (expose) myself to him was hindering our marriage. It was keeping me closed off and distant from him. It is not that being naked was all about being intimate, it was about accepting each other. Every part of each other.

That was one of the most freeing things I have done in a long time. Just to accept me as I am, and to allow him to 'see' me once again. It tore down a cement wall that I had built between us. Now I have to make sure the kids are not at home when I feel like being a nudist in my own home!

Excellent Squiggle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love it all of it, especially about being naked in your own home.
weird, but t was just as excited for me when i finally divorced my ex....
he was a $h%^.... now in prison where he belongs!!!! yeah for me... but this is about you and i am glad you are doing sooo much better. You are an inspiration. i love reading your posts. you are soooo out there and i love every minute of it..

thanks and congratulations!

sending safe "naked" hugs lol

I take it that being "sooooo out there" is a compliment. But what does exactly does that mean? I plan to copy some of these posts to take to my session next week. I want to be able to clarify this for my therapist.

Naked hugs are the best! They really are. There is so much healing in 'skin to skin' moments. It was so awkward at first, but I kept on trying to make myself comfortable with it. It is getting better and better every day!

I am so glad your marriage is healing.....

Squiggle,

I am SOOOOO happy for you! Your words are beautiful and inspiring. You should write a book!!!!

wow thats fantastic squiggles, just shows how sometimes we believe we know everything about our own situation and the future of it and we can be wrong xxx

I wish I could post a pic of us in here! The lovey dovey couple actually kissing!

I took parts of this thread and sent them to my therapist. She was overjoyed!! She even thanked me for sending it. This made me wonder if therapists need to hear when we have made major progress. It appeared that it truly lifted her spirits for me to send her this.

I think they are very happy when they see progress in us as clients......it must be so disheartening when a client is stuck in a dysfunctional rut like I am right now, but also so spirit-lifting to see a client who has been stuck get unstuck!