How does your relationship with your therapist affect your spouse?

How does your spouse feel about your relationship with your therapist? It appears that some (many) in here have a co-dependent/attachment with their therapists. How does that affect your marriage?

I don't discuss my "attachment" to my T. with my husband.

I'm not attached to my pdoc

My husband has said he doesn't understand the need for contact between sessions, etc. But I don't really talk about the attachment part with him.

I think my H feels like "oh thank GOD that tree has this person to talk to"! He knows how much I love T, and from what he's heard about T, he really likes him too. I like that he likes him

My then-husband HATED T....he felt that T was destroying our marriage...My husband badmouthed him and his wife to bits....Of course, it didn't help that my T really was trying to get me to see how dangerous and unhealthy my marriage was....and it did ultimately lead me to divorcing him. My T wasn't the cause of my divorce. He was who helped me see what was there all along....

My H blames the problems with intimacy in our marriage on my relationships with my Ts. He had always been jealous even though my Ts have told me what to tell him, like it's about basic needs, or "he's in a different book" or something. He thinks I've wasted 15 years in therapy and haven't changed. He tolerates it and pays for it, to his credit, though. He's said things to me like "Okay, so go move in with your T". Those comments hurt me very much because they aren't true and if he'd care more about me, maybe I wouldn't use my Ts to meet my emotional needs.

WHy is it a co dependent relationship?

my-ex hated t, blamed him for me wanting a divorce. that couldn't have been further from the truth. i became stronger and learned that i did not have to put up with certain behavior any longer. ex thought they were still all okay, thank goodness the courts and the law disagree.

My ex HATED the T that I was seeing when we were together. She could see that I had a wonderful and loving relationship with my T, and it made her jealous. I think she drew a comparison between how our relationship USED to be and how my relationship with my T was CURRENTLY. But rather than choosing to discuss her jealousy with me, ask me about the benefits I was getting from therapy, or ask to do a joint session with me to work on our relationship, she decided to show up, unannounced, at my T's office at the end of one of my sessions to "pick me up" even though I had driven there in my car. My relationship with my ex was already on its last legs at the time, but that behavior was one of the last straws for me. It felt like such a violation! This was MY space with MY T for ME to work on how I was feeling about MY relationship-- all without my ex looking over my shoulder. It made me realize just how invasive and controlling my ex's behavior was, and it confirmed the decision I had already been talking about in therapy-- leaving my ex. Best decision I ever made, and THANK GOODNESS for my then-T, who was able to help me through it!!!

Hi Squiggle.........interesting post as usual. How is a secure attachment co-dependent?
My husband knows everything. I keep nothing from him. I am very lucky that he has been so supportive. He knows about my feelings for T and now MFT, and like tree, I think is glad there is someone to help him with my emotions as I tend to be pretty emotional.
It has absolutely strengthened my marriage. First, just my husband's reaction of trusting me at a time when I didn't even trust myself really helped me to see how loved I am. Second, through my relationship in therapy, my unmet emotional child needs are being met and in a way, with time, I am maturing. I am able to feel from my husband what he has been offering me all along but couldn't feel because of where I was emotionally. My relationship with my T is probably the best thing that ever happened to my marriage.

This, exactly, is what has happened for me. My H has commented on how much better our relationship is since I started therapy. I never, ever, EVER believed he loved me before - it just seemed impossible that anyone could love me, ever. Somehow, T has helped me learn that maybe I can be loved, and somehow, that's opened my heart to my H's love. And he's loved me all along, and I NEVER KNEW. Ever, ever.

Maybe therapy helps clarify what's already there? If our marriage is unhealthy, maybe the healthy therapy relationship helps us to recognize that. And if there is love and hope there, maybe the healthy therapy relationship helps us to recognize THAT. Maybe?

I don't have a spouse, but my cat's fine with it

My H never wanted to know anything. He thought it was my private stuff. He was aware that I was strongly attached, but really that is it...

It should have read 'dependent' not 'co-dependent'.

My husband is not jealous of my relationship with my t, but he does worry about how attached i am to her. She wants to retire before too much longer, and he worries that it will devastate me when she goes. He has come on a few of my sessions and likes my t, and thinks she is a very good therapist.

My husband encourages me to continue in therapy. He pushes me when I don't want to do this anymore. As for my relationship with my therapist, he thinks I need her. He jokes that I cannot go 10 minutes without mentioning her name! I told him that I am not talking about 'her', but about therapy stuff. He said, "What is the difference?"

He knows that I have a strong bond with her, but he feels that I am safe to have this with her. In that past, he would worry if I were that close to any of my friends. He was the one who gave me the signal that something was not right in some past relationships that ended up causing me a lot of grief. I should have listened to him!

I trust his judgment when it comes to my relationships with others. He sees my relationship with my therapist as all good. He wants me to go!

my H has thought I am too attached to her, and I have talked to him about how attached I have felt, and even the sexual feelings that came up.....he wasn't impressed really. he respects my T and likes her, but doesn't think it reasonable for me to be so attached to her, and didn't understand the sexual issues that came up (which have been resolved).

My husband told me tonight that he felt me going to therapy was just as much for him, as it was for me. In other words, if I am happier and more emotionally stable, it will affect him. He said it makes him want to work harder to make our marriage work.

I talk with him a lot about what goes on in my sessions. I think he takes what I say and tries to see if he can apply it to his life as well.

As I am spouseless I would have to say it doesn't...

I don't remember my relationship with either of my therapists effecting the marriage much. The marriage was in decline. My XH didn't really know when I was going to T and I didn't share with him about the details of therapy. I felt like it was none of his business. He hadn't been concerned with my wellbeing or happiness for years, so I didn't see that he had an interest in my therapy or a even a right to know about any aspect of my healthcare. Going to see my second (current) T, in particular, helped give me the strength and courage to end the marriage. My XH did do couples therapy with me for a while with T, and at that point I think he saw what a good relationship we had. He didn't seem judgmental about it one way or another, but I wonder if he measured himself up against T? If so, his emotional deficits would have been glaring. I wonder if he felt that? My T, who does a lot of couples therapy, told me that many spouses, men in particular, feel really glad their wife has a therapist when the marriage is ending. Men are socialized to feel they need to provide for and take care of the wife, and many feel guilty if they are the ones ending the marriage. So it can help them to know their wife isn't totally alone and has a T to help her make it through the breakup. I don't know if my XH felt that or not (plus it was me who initiated the divorce, not him, although he was OK with it).