Have you ever suggested to your T. to read a book? How did that go?

I'm actually really excited because I found myself in a book....This book totally described me and my situation...It was called The Narsacistic Family...it was written by therapists for therapists so I didn't read the whole thing because frankly alot of it sounded like pycho mumbo jumbo babble (my T. thinks my calling what he does that is so funny). I grew up in a volatile and unpredictible home...somewhat emotionally abusive and neglectful...but not enough anyone on the outside would notice.....I keep telling myself everyone else has it so much worse...I should be thankful and get over these feelings....but it described how a person acts when they grow up in a home where the children have to meet the parents needs...it is me and my life...

Now my T. has not given me a diagnosis and he has said not everyone who needs therapy is mentally ill...but some of things he has described as problems for me are exactly as described in this book....

I don't believe in coincidence and I was reaching down to pick a totally different book up off the bottom shelf at B&N and I came up with this book. I read back and was like wow...I sat and skimmed the whole book...would have bought it but it was $42.

Will T. be insulted that I think he should read this book? Maybe he already knows all of this? Will he just say its another instance of me trying to control everything? What would you do?

[mixedup_emotions]

What I believe is more important here is how you felt about reading the book, what you learned and how it related to you, and how you feel about needing your T to understand it.

[Omers]

I have done it a lot. Most T's I have done it with were good about it.
"Trapped in the Mirror" is one that many have suggested I read. Have it somewhere but have not had the time. It is written for "real people" not T's . It's about $12 on Amazon.

[Perna]

I use to read books and then give them to T (rather than throw them away or give them to the library book sale, etc. :-)

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

I haven't suggested my therapist read a book exactly but i have printed or photocopied pieces from books I bought that i wanted her to read, if I found they related to me.
I also grew up having to be the parent to one of my parents, so I know how that can affect a person growing up. A great book I read on this (which also takes narcissism into it)is called Emotional incest. You can find it on amazon.

Reading books about my own condition and issues has been a real life saver for me an has helped me so much.

Perhaps write down the stuff you remember from the book and take that into the session with you and describe how it felt to read what you read and how you feel it relates to you. If the book is that expensive your therapist may not buy it to read but he will understand what you can explain to him.

I think it's great that you found this book, it may help explain your situation and you may be able to find other books that you can read that help you understand your situation even more also.

[WePow]

When I first started seeing my T, he told me he was not a specialist in DID. But he did do trauma therapy and had helped other DID clients. So... I bought him THREE books from Amazon about DID! LOL !!! I just handed them to him and said "Here you go. I want YOU to be my T, not someone else!" hee hee . His eyes twinkled and he took them home. I never heard anything else about the books, but I suspect he may have read parts of them.

[Elysium]

When I was first diagnosed with DID, my T had me go see a specialist for it....someone who knows the in's and out's of the disorder and does all the diagnostic testing and interviewing. I was told by my T that, supposedly, and according to her husband who was a Psy D, that this woman was the most experienced in the area. When it came back with a positive diagnosis, I asked the Dr if she would be my T and she smiled and said that I already had a T and that if that T was comfortable enough to work with CPTSD/Trauma that she would help her work with the DID. I told her that I didn't think my T would go for that....

In one of my next sessions, I was still grappling with the diagnosis and I had picked up a very good book on DID that I was reading. I took it with me to my T to share with her, and I offered to loan her the book after I had finished so she could read about it to help her understand more about what I was going through. She laughed at me....said she thought I should get a second opinion because I was owning the diagnosis too much and said that she wasn't going to learn to treat me from a book. WTF?? Isn't that how she learned to treat all her clients.....through education and reading books?

It devastated me. I felt that right then and there, our connection had been almost severed completely. She wouldn't even think about it. She didn't even WANT to understand. She completely invalidated my experiences....everything I had been going through my entire life finally made sense to me and she laughed.

To this day, it still hurts and I am getting tearful typing this. I spent 5 years with her and got so far....trusted her like I trusted no one, and she damn near destroyed it all in one breath.

[WePow]

((((Elysium)))) I am SO sorry that your T did that!!! OMG! Urrrrrrr...
Sending you TONS of hugs!!!

[lastyearisblank]

I am a bit hesitant to admit this but I have read that book too. After a previous T suggested my parents sound "narcissistic." It didn't help me that much though because the book seems to be making a case that parents who are unavailable to their children are Narcissistic (with a capital N) whereas there can be so many reasons why that might be the case. But if it helps you it might be able to help your T too. Family is so so important, obvs. and it might help her to get an idea of where you are coming from. Btw sorry you read it and so much resonated for you!!!

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Have you ever suggested to your T. to read a book? How did that go?

I'm actually really excited because I found myself in a book....This book totally described me and my situation...It was called The Narsacistic Family...it was written by therapists for therapists so I didn't read the whole thing because frankly alot of it sounded like pycho mumbo jumbo babble (my T. thinks my calling what he does that is so funny). I grew up in a volatile and unpredictible home...somewhat emotionally abusive and neglectful...but not enough anyone on the outside would notice.....I keep telling myself everyone else has it so much worse...I should be thankful and get over these feelings....but it described how a person acts when they grow up in a home where the children have to meet the parents needs...it is me and my life...

Now my T. has not given me a diagnosis and he has said not everyone who needs therapy is mentally ill...but some of things he has described as problems for me are exactly as described in this book....

I don't believe in coincidence and I was reaching down to pick a totally different book up off the bottom shelf at B&N and I came up with this book. I read back and was like wow...I sat and skimmed the whole book...would have bought it but it was $42.

Will T. be insulted that I think he should read this book? Maybe he already knows all of this? Will he just say its another instance of me trying to control everything? What would you do?

[lastyearisblank]

((((Elysium))))

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I am a bit hesitant to admit this but I have read that book too. After a previous T suggested my parents sound "narcissistic." It didn't help me that much though because the book seems to be making a case that parents who are unavailable to their children are Narcissistic (with a capital N) whereas there can be so many reasons why that might be the case. But if it helps you it might be able to help your T too. Family is so so important, obvs. and it might help her to get an idea of where you are coming from. Btw sorry you read it and so much resonated for you!!!

I'm glad you said you read it...I tried not to read too much into the descriptions of the parents...although I did like the sections that said it wasn't important to place blame or to confront (which my t. tries to encourage) but it is more important to find acceptance...It was the descriptions of how those children behave as adults that sounded just like me not necessarily the descriptions of the families... But to read there are things I can do i therapy to help make changes in myself was so hopeful...its taken me about 6th months to get to this place of trust with T....so far its only been talking about past and trying to get to a place of acceptance....

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by Elysium

When I was first diagnosed with DID, my T had me go see a specialist for it....someone who knows the in's and out's of the disorder and does all the diagnostic testing and interviewing. I was told by my T that, supposedly, and according to her husband who was a Psy D, that this woman was the most experienced in the area. When it came back with a positive diagnosis, I asked the Dr if she would be my T and she smiled and said that I already had a T and that if that T was comfortable enough to work with CPTSD/Trauma that she would help her work with the DID. I told her that I didn't think my T would go for that....

In one of my next sessions, I was still grappling with the diagnosis and I had picked up a very good book on DID that I was reading. I took it with me to my T to share with her, and I offered to loan her the book after I had finished so she could read about it to help her understand more about what I was going through. She laughed at me....said she thought I should get a second opinion because I was owning the diagnosis too much and said that she wasn't going to learn to treat me from a book. WTF?? Isn't that how she learned to treat all her clients.....through education and reading books?

It devastated me. I felt that right then and there, our connection had been almost severed completely. She wouldn't even think about it. She didn't even WANT to understand. She completely invalidated my experiences....everything I had been going through my entire life finally made sense to me and she laughed.

To this day, it still hurts and I am getting tearful typing this. I spent 5 years with her and got so far....trusted her like I trusted no one, and she damn near destroyed it all in one breath.

Your story really scares me. I'm allowing myself to open up and trust my T and to think that someone could do what your T did after 5 years. That is so terrible.

[deliquesce]

i've recommended books to pdoc & Ts, and they've also recommended books to me.

the only thing i'm wary of in giving someone a book is that it's eating up their personal time & im not sure it's fair to expect them to read it. i.e., if it's just to understand 'me', then maybe i could describe what about it resonated.

OTOH, i talk books a lot with pdoc/austin-t in general so it's natural that sometimes i'll offer them a book or v/v. if they express interest then i'll bring it in, but it's never been something for them to understand me, more because i think they would find it interesting.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Your story really scares me. I'm allowing myself to open up and trust my T and to think that someone could do what your T did after 5 years. That is so terrible.

It is scary!! We are all vulnerable and that vulnerability is enhanced when we are with our T's.

Something important I learned from this though....my T was not capable of treating me....I was over her head and she was not experienced enough to work with me. Although it hurt me deeply, and still does, and I still ask "What was so wrong with me?", I realize that this was T's issue and not mine.

In the long run, she ended up assisting me to find a T who specialized in DID who helped me to really begin to understand my system. It worked out.

Relationships with T's are just like relationships with others in our lives; they will have ups and downs, but the downs are the risks we take in order to learn, grow, and become healthy. All we can do is make an effort and do our part as clients; if the T's, for one reason or another, can't/won't do their part, then the only thing we can do is grieve and take the next step forward and move on. When this happens, it is never easy.

[cmac13]

Funny thing that has happened recently with me is: I have been bringing the latest book I am reading to my therapy sessions to read in the waiting room in case I have to wait a bit to see my therapist. It seems that the last few books I have read she has in fact read or has read other books by the authors I am reading. She has commented on the books and has asked me what I had thought of them. It seems we have similar taste in literature. I have told her of books I have read regarding the therapeutic relationship and we have discussed them as well.

[lastyearisblank]

Yeah, totally! I read it really early in starting therapy as well and it also helped me formulate some goals (even though they mostly ended up changing, grrrr!) It really stuck with me, the idea that you need to formulate your own game plan, the ones you inherit might be damaged, or they might be perfectly good, but they're still not authentically YOURS. Very intriguing stuff!!!

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I'm glad you said you read it...I tried not to read too much into the descriptions of the parents...although I did like the sections that said it wasn't important to place blame or to confront (which my t. tries to encourage) but it is more important to find acceptance...It was the descriptions of how those children behave as adults that sounded just like me not necessarily the descriptions of the families... But to read there are things I can do i therapy to help make changes in myself was so hopeful...its taken me about 6th months to get to this place of trust with T....so far its only been talking about past and trying to get to a place of acceptance....

[JustWannaDisappear]

I have, and she has recommended several books to me and has loaned me several books as well. She has asked for suggestions on books that I've read about my sons sensory processing disorder and said she was interested in it because she has other clients that could benefit from her knowing more on it. She has also photocopied articles or pages from books that she thinks will help me, or give them to me as homework. We usually talk about current books we're reading every couple sessions. Every once in awhile we have a light conversational session.

I go back and forth on this.

As a client (as a client who is also a therapist) I give my T books to read that I find interesting. She reads them. T tells me to read a clinical book, I do.

Now, as a T, if a client gave me a book - it depends. It really has depended on the client, the subject matter of the book, and the TYPE of book (is it a clinical book, or is more of an autobiography). Most of the time, I talk about why the client wants me to read that particular book. What do they see that I may gain from it, which in turn tells me a lot of what THEY'VE gained from it.