[suzzie]

i feel so far behind in my t than everyone here. you are all making progress and insights. taking leaps occasionally. and im still at the beginning. everyone bumping forward bit by bit. and i am getting farther and farther behind.

(((((((((suzzie)))))))))

I was *just* posting in another thread about how incredibly slow progress in therapy seems. I've compared it before to growing out our hair...while it's growing, we don't see ANY progress, and then all of a sudden one day we realize we need a haircut.

Today in therapy, T and I talked about things going on in my life right now (putting my cat to sleep mainly) and things that were kind of lighthearted. I told him that even though this thing from my past is kind of hanging around right now...in my thoughts, in my dreams...I don't think I'll ever be able to talk about it. He said something like "because it's so painful" and WHAM, I was GONE. Total disconnect, totally lost in my head. T immediately helped me get grounded, but it took a while. So. 4 words from T, I disappeared, and 10 minutes of grounding. Really?!?! It makes me feel like I will NEVER EVER move forward with this.

At the end of session, I asked T if everything was still the same (I was really just talking about our relationship)....and he replied that our relationship was the same, but that there had been forward movement in the session...that I'm not in the same place I was when I went in. And I realized he was RIGHT.

I think just showing up and being willing to sit in that office with T is movement. It's maybe a step toward valuing ourselves and toward forging a relationship. A step toward openness and healing. All of those teeny tiny steps add up, slowly, over time. Looking back, I can see that today I worked a little on connecting, I felt a little bit of an old scary feeling, I learned more about getting grounded, I let somebody help me. That IS progress in a session that felt like there was no progress. I bet I could discover that with almost all of my sessions; I bet you could too.

For me, there are sessions with BIG movement, sessions like today where there's a tiny shift, and probably even sessions where I move backward a little bit. I can clearly see that I'm not the same person I was 4 years ago when I started, but week to week, it can be hard to believe that anything is changing.

You're showing up, you're processing, you're writing here. All of that is movement. Really and truly. What if you asked T? Do you think T could help you see the ways you're growing and healing?

Suzzie...its odd how sometimes its hard to see the things that other people talk about with themselves...in yourself...

Personally for me...I tend to look at all that needs to happen ...the big mess to clean up...and not to look at how far I've come....last night I was reading through my journals since starting T. (been going 6 months...) and was surprised to see all the little changes ....rereading what I wrote and realizing that I don't think that way so much anymore, etc...

Guess what I'm trying to say is everyone has different issues...so its not so much about where are you compared to everyone else but where are you now...compared to where you were...

Be patient with yourself and realize your successes no matter how small....

[sittingatwatersedge]

Suzzie, I think it was just two days ago I posted "Dear T... do you see any light ahead for me?"

Not that I am an example of great insight and progress like you mentioned, but I do know that it's slow, like a flower growing in your garden. first just the clay, then the clay opens and a green shoot shows up, and before you know it you've got some leaves.... it takes time. The thing is, everyone's time is different - but that's OK, it's all OK. Really.

Be brave,you are doing hard work - and good work!!!

[dizgirl2011]

Hi Suzzie,

Everyone's therapy is different, just as everyone's situation and issues are unique to them. Just remember you are not in a race hun, sometimes the slower you take it the better, there's no rush. Some people are in therapy for weeks, some months, some 1 year, others 10 plus...just remember you are not behind anyone because you are on your own journey.

**huge hugs**

[Sannah]

I think that you are moving forward Suzzie!

[laceylu]

I feel that I am slow. Here are 2 of my favorite quotes: I feel slower than molasses in January and Inch by inch life is a cinch and yard by yard life is hard. It took me about 1.5 years to even agree to see a T after my pdoc talked me into it. Now I am trying to catch up. Point is each person heals at their own speed. Peace

[rainbow_rose]

therapy is such an individual and personal thing - different for everybody.