I had a strange session last night. I've really started to relax around T. I use humor as a coping skill so sometimes we joke around but we still work on hard stuff too. But lately I noticed that we have gotten very casual around each other and I'm starting to feel its causing problems for me.

My T. has a habit of giving examples. Sometimes they are helpful and sometimes I'm thinking in my head..."Okay I get it without an example can me move on"...

Well last night while giving examples for something very benign...like my son not being able to interpret my new behaviors...he started talking about the fact that he came home from Jr High school one day and his dad had moved out and that he didn't even realize his parents were having marriage problems...then in another example he said that when things are going really good in life, he tends to worry that means somthing bad will happen to ruin it... In another session he said that his mom used to think the same way that I did (which was not a good way to think and now i worry in my head does he not like his mother...do I remind him of her?).....

In my head when he does this, I'm screaming TMI ....I wanted to be left with the idea (true or not) that he has his own life together...

Does that seem like too much personal info? Does your T. share personal stuff?

Some T's are very strict and NOTHING is shared about them.

Professionally, I share about something with me if I think it helps the client. So I give examples that may correlate to what they are going through.

As a client, my T has gotten very casual with me. Likely because I'm a T too. I've had to confront her with my feelings of us getting to chit-chatty and off subject. She's done a LOT better since.

[childofyen]

My T is chatty. I like it most of the time. One day I was in session talking about something my ex had done on Facebook and my T starts telling me that she wouldn't even use Facebook if people knew she was looking at their pages, etc... I was impressed with her cyberstalking skills and it made me feel less crazy... I still feel like it was a strange thing to share, though...

I know quite a bit about my t. Of course, I've been seeing him for a LONG time, so we've had a long time to get to know each other. I like hearing about his family. We are both family people and both professionals, so it's nice to know how he relates to my life and my professional life. It's never bothered me. I've never felt like he gives me too much information about his life.

[my3sns]

My previous T was extremely chatty and told me tons about her and her family. I thinking it all started innocent enough .. she was trying to get me to open up about the ab*se and she would tell me what happened to her as a child.. (sa as well) and how she felt about it as well as how she dealt with it , and her dad (the abuser). In the end it was really probably pretty over the line .... and she would take/ make calls to her children while i was there (grown) .. i didnt quite see it as a problem though till she up and left the practice , literally overnight about maybe 7 months ago ... lol now my new T is way way way the opposite.. swhe will not even tell me her title/ credentials or anything

[kaliope]

my T shares a little about his life as examples and sometimes uses other patients as examples but very little. i think the examples your T uses go too far. i do counseling as well and will share with clients who have anxiety that i suffer from anxiety as well and in extreme cases i will share that i have ptsd. this is so the client can connect with me, understand they are not alone in their struggles, and that these troubles can affect anyone. it also demonstrates that you can move on from these difficulties because they see me functioning like a normal human being and if i can do it so can they.

[brittfly]

i don't ask and he doesn't tell and it works for me.... all i know he is gay.. married and has adopted kid.. not details but i never aske either i don't even like to know where he is going on vacation ... he askes if i want to know and all i say is it a plane trip so i can watch the weather report for his take off and return.... it works for me so much.. i do beleive he would share more but i can 't do it and he respects that and he always goes with me and what i need to do .. share... ask.. he is a great guy 6 years and counting... works for me!

[googley]

None of my Ts have shared very much with me. I only know that my current T has at least one kid (though I think she has two) because she needed to change my appointment so she could go to her kid's parents nigh. Though she let me decide to change or not. I was glad that she was involved in her kid's life and was glad that she was willing to ask me. So that is all I know about her. I assume that she is married, but I don't know that for sure.

If you don't want your T to share information about themselves with you, then just ask. They should be willing to abide by your wishes.

My3sns- your T should be willing to tell you about her credentials if you ask. It is a major red flag if she is not. Those things are things that a client has the right to know. Ethically your T has the responsibility to tell you.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I had a strange session last night. I've really started to relax around T. I use humor as a coping skill so sometimes we joke around but we still work on hard stuff too. But lately I noticed that we have gotten very casual around each other and I'm starting to feel its causing problems for me.

My T. has a habit of giving examples. Sometimes they are helpful and sometimes I'm thinking in my head..."Okay I get it without an example can me move on"...

Well last night while giving examples for something very benign...like my son not being able to interpret my new behaviors...he started talking about the fact that he came home from Jr High school one day and his dad had moved out and that he didn't even realize his parents were having marriage problems...then in another example he said that when things are going really good in life, he tends to worry that means somthing bad will happen to ruin it... In another session he said that his mom used to think the same way that I did (which was not a good way to think and now i worry in my head does he not like his mother...do I remind him of her?).....

In my head when he does this, I'm screaming TMI ....I wanted to be left with the idea (true or not) that he has his own life together...

Does that seem like too much personal info? Does your T. share personal stuff?

both my Ts share personal stuff, but i would think this was overshare also. maybe not overshare... just.... i think the concern is that he's sharing this particular stuff... sounds like a bit of countertransference? i'd be worried too...

maybe you could bring it up? that you're worried you remind him of his mum? that this is something you need help with (your situation with your son) and that you're worried that his stuff might come into it and colour the advice you get?

pdoc told me a long time ago about his dad being very ill when he was younger. it was in relation to me going out with someone who was in the same position. i appreciated that he told me, because i'm able to analyse some of his advice in light of where he's coming from. e.g., he told me not to get too close to this guy because as his illness progresses things would only get harder. i know pdoc is only trying to protect me, but i've become super close to this guy now (a year on... we aren't going out, just friends) and things HAVE gone worse for him, but it's also been such an honour for me to share part of that journey with him. sometimes i need to remind pdoc that we're different with regards to this situation - he was living with his sick dad, i only see my friend when he's well enough to want company. pdoc still wants to protect me from the worry and the sadness, but it's ok, i can take pdoc like that also.

[Butterflies Are Free]

My T has shared things with me in the past but only if she feels it is helpful to my progress. Sometimes I will ask her things and she will answer if she feels comfortable.
If you are comfortable talking with you T about this issue, I think it would be helpful.
You could explain that knowing too much can sometimes be upsetting to you. Your T might not even realize what's going on.

[learning1]

My current t has told me a bunch of personal things even though I've only seen him for a few months now. He told me a few things about difficulties with his father and difficulties with self confidence, being sick as a kid. His disclosures usually seem relevant to what we're talking about, and they usually make me feel more comfortable talking to him. Once in a while I have trouble believing his efforts to give relevant examples- I wonder if he's twisting his experience to relate to me and get me to talk.

He doesn't go on about his personal stories and take a lot of time like my previous t did. Previous t got way off anything that was relevant for me, which is mainly why I ended up changing t's.

I agree with what others said, if your t's disclosures bother you, try to talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't think you're anything like his Mom. If he does and it's unfairly biasing how he sees you, maybe he can stop if you point it out to him.

[with or without you]

nope.....

My T is very chatty also and tells me things about herself/her family. I know quite a bit about her. Sometimes I ask her, sometimes she just says stuff.
But if you are uncomfortable with your T saying things, then talk about it in T and make your T aware of it, that it makes you uncomfortable. T's shouldn't do things that make you uncomfortable.

[mixedup_emotions]

My T shares parts of his personal life with me if we are just chit-chatting...and sometimes, he shares certain aspects if he feels it would benefit my therapy (for example, sharing relatedness). He is very mindful though to keep therapy about me.

[TinaL]

I am three yrs into being a diabetic. My T is also diabetic and he really helps me understand this disease. He knows how important it is to eat right, take the meds and exercise. He also knows the signs of when sugar is getting low. So sometimes we talk about that and he will say, well being diabetic I didn't always eat right, ect, It's helpful to know we do have something in common.

T's daughters also went to school with my youngest son. So, it kinda hard not to be able to relate stories about parenting.
If it's not to personal and lead for "you" in the session I see nothing wrong with it.

[granite1]

my T never shared anything personal at all with me and i dont mind this at all.i have lived the other extream.BUT

last session she said something like i have had clients that i have thought were somewhat mean and snotty.she was saying this in referance to asking me what i mean when i say people are horrible.

i was left feeling like she must have thought this of me and i also have a hard time with her even thinking thoughts like this about anyone.SHE JUST ISNT SUPOSE TO.

in a way i am hopping that it is just my head playing with me and this isnt what she really said and maybe it was something like she knows PEOPLE not clients that are mean and snotty.i dont know sometimes i hear things wrong.

When I first started therapy, T didn't share much with me, and I REALLY didn't want him to. I actually asked him not to at one point....I needed him to exist there just in that room.

Now, he shares quite a bit. The things he share feel appropriate...not personal issues he has going on with his wife, or health problems, or things like that...more like everyday stuff. A couple of years ago, I started asking him to "tell me a story" to get me grounded, and we still do that, because it really helps. But it tends to be stuff like "what was your favorite thing you ate on vacation?". Things like that.

He HAS told me some things from his past that were painful for him...particularly about one really bad summer he had when he was in his 20s...but those kinds of things have always been told in a context that is helpful to me.

Now that I've been seeing him for so long, all of the little stories have added up, and I actually know a LOT about him. But it never ever ever feels like it's crossing the line and making therapy about him instead of me, and I never feel like I have to take care of him. It feels good, not bad.

[elliemay]

If I ask, then he will say some things. He's never diverted any questions back to me. We joke about me googling him with his response being "let me know if something horrible pops up".

I have learned a lot by inference, but know the really important things: he's a kind person, a peaceful soul, professional, human, and friendly.

That's really enough for me.

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Some T's are very strict and NOTHING is shared about them.

Professionally, I share about something with me if I think it helps the client. So I give examples that may correlate to what they are going through.

As a client, my T has gotten very casual with me. Likely because I'm a T too. I've had to confront her with my feelings of us getting to chit-chatty and off subject. She's done a LOT better since.

Maybe that is what I'm feeling like we are getting too chit-chatty and off subject. The comment about his mother did bother me...but its probably just me reading things into it. It will be really hard to have a conversation about it. I would worry it will hurt his feelings.

[my3sns]

My3sns- your T should be willing to tell you about her credentials if you ask. It is a major red flag if she is not. Those things are things that a client has the right to know. Ethically your T has the responsibility to tell you.[/quote]

She is of the mindset that i wont respect her or her ability to help me ( previous T had 20 plus yrs experience... new T is pretty new at this i am certain... likely under 2 yrs experience)

[PreacherHeckler]

She definitely couldn't have helped me because she would have lost my respect and I would have left the minute she refused to answer a question about her credentials.

[lastyearisblank]

Some stuff you just pick up on. That can end up being an elephant in the room. It has definitely helped me sometimes to learn more about my T because then I know it's ok to bring up certain topics. I don't like self disclosure when it's about chatty stuff or general interest-- just don't care, sorry that's harsh but, I don't, it's such a specialized relationship that small talk almost feels wrong. But I love hearing about the professional life of being a T and esp. why people got into that job. It almost kind of feels like that connection is the pivot for all the other stuff in therapy-- you know like a "give the a point and I will move the earth" kinda thing...

[unaluna]

I would say he has moved the boundary over a bit, but it's still a solid line. The reason for the shift is therapeutic: having been ostracized by my family, I've gone through life having no effect on anyone. He lets me have an effect on him, and he tells me how he feels (see thread on frozen recipes for dogs). My family would never touch my cooking, like I was trying to poison them, claiming allergies or just mocking my choices; T says introducing him to unrolled Scottish oatmeal for a post-workout dinner has changed his life! Once I emailed him that a movie about a sports hero of his would be on that Saturday night; it has brought him and his son closer together. I'm like, who's the therapist here?! But these things are making ME feel more solid, I realized yesterday after the doggie stuff. Hopefully that will help my BMI, as well as my self-esteem, and my agoraphobia.

[JustWannaDisappear]

I don't ask her things but she offers things to me as examples to get get me to understand we all go through certain things and she's been there. I find it very helpful. I need some chit chat to help me relax at the beginning of a session. She knows this and we will have a bit of conversation first then go from there on what I need to work on or deal with whatever happened in the last week. My last few Ts were not like this and I couldn't open up to them. I felt like I was being judged and as if I was just another slot in their appointment book. I feel like a real person with my current T and like my feelings are okay. Hope that made sense..

Thanks everyone. I definitely decided to talk to T. about the examples. After thinking about it and reading all of your responses, I decided that it really isn't a problem having personal information about the T. Its merely that the examples sometimes take us off course and that I worry I'm not getting the information or point he is trying to make ....because I sit there and evaluate it too much like examples have too much room for interpretation. I need to know that he will just tell me what he wants me to hear....if I don't get it than he could use an example. Don't know what he will say but it's my therapy and he should try to use my communication style right?