When things are a big deal to T...

Somebody posted a conversation between them and their T a few days ago, and what struck me about it was, the T started every reply with NO. NO! I do that to whatever my T says, unconsciously, so he has to stop and grab my attention. In comedy improv, they teach you to take each line from your partner and say, "Yes, and..." otherwise the improvisation stops dead.

Now, you are CONSCIOUSLY saying no to your therapist?

A previous t pushed me to lose weight, put me on a psych med that helped AND took care of a health problem previously undiagnosed. I did gain it back (after 7 years), but now I am losing it again, and am glad I have that experience to build on this go-round.

Unconsciously, yeah, you could be excused. Consciously, what's your excuse?
That's what I think when someone says or does something mean. Because usually I'm unconscious...
But it applies to any choice.

Yes, I think this happens a lot unfortunately, when the T isn't really sure where to focus or has a theoretical idea that they just really want to try out. When it happened with my T, what it did was, it turned my therapy issue into a relationship issue between us. Who would prevail!!!! Who had the most willpower!! That kind of thing. I love the suggestions on here about how to bring it up because it can be useful to fix the communication that is going on in the actual therapy room.

Btw if you do have appearance issues that is nothing to be ashamed of, they are so so common. I posted a thread on here about it last week and lots of people replied.

Yeah - who's paying whom? I'm not being snarky, but why are you paying them if you don't want to take their advice? That's where the conscious/un comes in for me. Are you trying to convince them YOU are right? Is that gonna happen? Wow. This is humbling.

There for a while my therapist was really pushing me to socialize. One day I pointed out to him that he seemed to care more than I did about the topic. The next session he told me that he'd been thinking about it, and that yes maybe it was more important to him than for me, but that he was going to continue to press it because he thought it was that important.

I asked him how effective he's found it in the past when an issue is far more important to him than to a client. He thought, laughed, and agreed that it was rarely effective. I haven't been pushed to socialize since. And oddly enough, I've felt freer to socialize (on my own terms and at my own rate) and to discuss it with him when I'm not being pressured.

I think it may be different with me, because it was a topic that held little interest or emotional charge for me, not one that held way too much charge. But the basic point is the same. Has she found it effective to nag clients when they aren't ready to discuss something? What is her rate of change when she employs this method? Might it be more effective for her to stop stalking her bird, and let the bird fly to her in trust and curiosity?

Body image is a big scary deal to talk about. Far harder than sex or even money, for me. And maybe the therapist does have to make sure it's on the table and is a topic that can freely be discussed. But more than that, and many clients are more likely to take fright or stand and fight than meekly acquiesce. IMHO.

Maybe particularly about body image, since the implication may be that the client's appearance is an issue to the therapist. It would be hard for me to discuss an issue if I felt my therapist was judging me on it. My own therapist at one time was pretty appearance conscious, and we both needed to make a special effort for therapy to be a safe environment for those discussions.

hi sing,

unless it's a behavior that's endangering you (cutting, drinking, etc.), i don't think your therapist should be "pushing" you so much about this issue. you will get to it when you need to, right?!

just my two cents..

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