Tonight in therapy T. and I talked about talking about some stuff that is difficult for me to discuss. While discussing my apprehension about doing this, T. asked me to list all the bad things that I thought could happen while talking about it....i listed crying as one of the bad things. I do not cry in front of other people. Its not like its some personal rule: it just doesn't happen... When discussing it I told T. that I don't cry in front of anyone...and He said "I'm not just anyone." That was sweet. Then he said he thinks that me being able to cry in therapy was a good goal to work towards. I'm not sure it is possible. I hate the idea that he would take it personally if I can't get there.

Have anyone of your T. want you to be able to cry in therapy? How were you able to get to the point where you could cry ?

First, you said "I hate the idea that he would take it personally if I can't get there." Where did you get that idea from what he said? Sounded to me like he was just saying that he is a safe person to cry in front of.

I'm not much of a crier, but I do from time to time in session. I usually almost immediately stop myself because I am embarassed by it, but my t is really good at letting me feel what I need to feel. Usually he will ask me what is going on in my head as it is going on. There is always a reason behind it and it is helpful to get in touch with whatever I am thinking that has set me off.

I don't think you can "learn" to cry in therapy. Just give yourself time. It will come when you least expect it probably. It took me a LONG time before I cried for the first time.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

First, you said "I hate the idea that he would take it personally if I can't get there." Where did you get that idea from what he said? Sounded to me like he was just saying that he is a safe person to cry in front of.

What I meant was that I know he wants me to feel safe enough with him to be able to cry and I don't want him to think the reason I may not be able to cry in front of him is something he has done or not done to make me feel unsafe. But after writing this...I know he knows me well enough to realize its my issues that prevent it and not him.

Is there anything other than time to feel safe that helps? Its odd...its like I'm stone faced in session and then cry the whole way home.

[jazzy123456]

not to be rude lol but, I wish NOT crying could be a goal for me. The past 10 or 11 sessions I think I've cried in every single one. They just come like waterworks for me, hard to control. I'm always sitting back wondering if my therapist will one day just snap and be like, girl, dang-- you cry too much. but, ironically, because she is indeed, a therapist, I guess the goal is to learn how to sit with your feelings and they always, usually encourage that. so, maybe thats your goal. to learn how to be okay with not being okay sometimes... I guess.

it took me almost forever to cry in t, and still only once. bawled my eyes out, t never made a big deal out of it one way or another. he never got all weird when i never did and he was way cool with me when i actually did break down. i bawled like a baby for most of the session. it will happen when it is supposed too. no rushing tears , IMHO!!!!

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

I guess the goal is to learn how to sit with your feelings and they always, usually encourage that. so, maybe thats your goal. to learn how to be okay with not being okay sometimes... I guess.

That would require me to be okay with not feeling "in control". There goes the whole control thing again. It keeps creepying up everywhere.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think that when I first cried in front of my T, I really felt safe and wanted her support and nurturing. I have had my moments of trying to stop the crying, but that was when I didn't want to deal with something hard. I have had many times of just sobbing while my T held onto me tight - I felt much better after that. I think your T is very supportive and will really be there for you if/when you do cry in a session.

[rainbow8]

I've never cried in over 15 years of therapy with 5 different Ts. It's always been a goal for ME but my Ts haven't made a big deal about it one way or another. I wish I could cry but like you, I wait until I'm out the door and cry in my car or at home.

I agree that you can't make it happen. I sometimes tell my T I feel like crying but the tears don't come. I feel safe with my T but I'm still too inhibitied to cry, but maybe it will happen when I least expect it. Maybe it will be that way for you, too.

[SoupDragon]

I am terrified of crying - even told my T to make sure the box of tissues wasn't next to me in the sessions.

I think it would be a major achievement for me to be able to cry in front of T, as I spend so much energy just blocking feelings - to be able to feel safe expressing my emotions would help me move on I think.

I don't cry in front of anyone (in the past this was never positively rewarded - at my Gmothers funeral when I was 13, I was told by my father that I should not cry) - so to become less afraid of that would be a big step for me. I just don't know what would happen if I did cry - what my T would do, what I would do, when would it stop, would my mascara run etc. etc.

I have no idea how to get to that place though - have even considered having a glass of gin before going as that always used to make me cry as a teenager - don't think it would go down well with T though

[rainbow8]

I thought of bringing an onion and cutting it up there!

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I thought of bringing an onion and cutting it up there!

That's definitely an improvement on the gin idea = lol

[dismantle.repair]

I'm not a big crier. As in, ever. I cry if I'm getting yelled at though.
But I just tend to dissociate, I told T i can't and probably won't cry in front of her.
I asked if the tissue box was a prop though. :P.. And if a lot of people had allergies in her office. hehe.

[maggyjo]

My T has both crying and getting angry with her as part of my goals, Both because I am afraid I will lose control.

Maggy Jo

Crying in T is one of my therapist's goals for me too.
Weird.
But i was taught not to cry. And she thinks a few good cries would be really helpful instead of always holding everything in.

[wintergirl]

I struggle with this, too. I want to be in complete control of my emotions, even with T. I've been in therapy for almost a year, and I've come close to crying once. I actually teared up a little, and T mentioned that that was the closest I'd ever come to crying in front of him - and then I actually got kind of mad at him and snippy towards him.

[nicoleb2]

My T is working with me on letting myself cry in our sessions. She wants me to be able to stop stuffing all of my emotions and just feel them as they come. I've been in therapy for 4 years, and it is definitely still a work in progress.

Tuesday, T said she was getting frustrated with me because I had been getting closer to feeling stuff, but then I backed way off again.

One step forward, two back I guess

[laceylu]

I have asked pdoc and T if something was wrong with me because I can not cry at all. T said when you feel safe you will cry. I would like to be able to cry in front of t or pdoc or anyone because these emotions feel stuck. I have always been embarrassed to cry in front of anyone, but know that it is stuck, I just want the relief of the tears.