[rainbow_rose]

i'm unsettled after my session today.

we got onto a topic I did not want to discuss. My therapist tried to delve into it, get specific and maybe reframe stuff. I wasn't having it - dug my heels in, refused to participate in any productive discussion of the topic. She used the word 'stubborn' at one point.

She did eventually acknowledge that she had crossed clear signals of a boundary I was sending. After that, we talked about stupid stuff that really had nothing to do with anything.

I'm really bothered by her use of the word 'stubborn'. That felt like more of an expression of personal frustration that I was resisting HER rather than THE PROCESS. (no, I'm not mind reading... just saying how it felt)

Idaknow ... maybe I'm just rationalizing... but I feel hurt.

I've been called stubborn by more than one T in my lifetime. That's okay with me. I own it.

I think she was commenting on your resistance of the process by digging in your heels the way you did. I don't think that was frustration for her as it was for her having the hope that you will move forward in the process for your own health and well-being. Our t's have hopes for us and it is hard for them to watch us resist what they know we need to do in the long run.

[lastyearisblank]

Yeah own it! You're allowed to be stubborn about one thing. That's not the same as being stubborn about everything. I'm sure your T knows that too. Big hugs, ((((rose))))

[skysblue]

Well, even if you decided you didn't want to discuss something your T suggested and even if it were in fact, 'stubborn', I'd say your T exhibited a strong case of counter-transference. Calling a client a name that is so loaded like that cannot be in the client's benefit. Instead of calling you a name, I think she should have either backed off completely until she sensed you were ready OR explored gently why this was a topic you didn't want to discuss.

A real empathic lapse on her part.

I wouldn't call be told I'm stubborn name-calling. It's just descriptive. Now, call me a filthy name and I'll call that name-calling, but stubborn is a descriptor (and seems pretty accurate by the OP description of what happened). That's not an insult. It just is what it is.

[Sannah]

At least she recognized that she crossed the line. We all make mistakes. The keepers are the ones who notice and admit their mistakes. I can understand how you feel about that. You stood up for you though!

[rainbow_rose]

Thank you EVERYONE for your comments. I'm so appreciative to get some objective thoughts/comments 'cause I'm so close to this. I'm so glad to get this support after a difficult session.

It's kinda been a downward spiral since my session... just fighting to hard to not stay in a sad negative place that keeps coming to the forefront telling me to quit.

Two weeks until my next session. . .

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

Two weeks until my next session. . .

It's SO hard to wait for two weeks when we're unsettled after a session

It's okay to set boundaries about what you're ready to talk about. I'm talking to T now about something that came up a year ago that I just wasn't ready to talk about yet. We're ready when we're ready.

Sometimes, when something is too overwhelming, I'm ready at the next session, sometimes, it takes longer. But I *always* need to feel safe and connected to do it. Maybe you need to take a session to talk with T about how this session made you feel before you are ready to move on? You get to be in charge.


Hope today feels better

[rainbow_rose]

treehouse, thank you!

Hopefully these two weeks, will help me get the wherewithall to be able to bring this up to her. 'cause right now, I'm feeling like I did something wrong.

[SoupDragon]

I think there is meaning and things to learn both behind everything we say or do with T, as well as our reactions to things T says to us.

It is so hard to do, but when I am able to step out of the thoughts and feeings slightly and take a non judgmental interest in them, I am often surprised and learn something about myself.

Saying that I also believe it is T's job to know when to set up challenges prod a little and when to back off and use a different approach. Sounds like your T missed something with you in that session?

I felt really bruised after my last session and had a couple of really bad days, but the overwhelming intensity of those feelings do pass. I have dusted myself down and am now ready for round 2 at my next T session.



Hope you start to feel more settled - RR.

[lastyearisblank]

Someone told me once the flipside of stubborn is being determined and that is a skill we need to help ourselves. Just a thought.

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Someone told me once the flipside of stubborn is being determined and that is a skill we need to help ourselves. Just a thought.

Ironic that you would say that, lastyearisblank. My therapist said I had determination in our first or second session together. Thanks.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you're unsettled from your session and have to wait 2 weeks to see your T to straighten it out. That's hard!

I don't know if I'd like being called "stubborn" by my T though I know I can be that way. Being "determined" is good, though. Maybe stubborn just slipped out because your T was frustrated and wanted to help you more, but still, I'm glad she realized you weren't ready to talk about it.

I hope the 2 weeks goes quickly for you.

[rainbow_rose]

rainbow. thank you.

It's ironic ... I get to see my therapist's notes on our session . aside from the fact that I'm referred to as 'client' in those notes , she wrote that I had made progress ... in being more positive over the previous few weeks.

But i seem to have lost that. the sad, hurt familiar place is stronger than the positive thoughts i try to inject into my mind and counter the negative thoughts. it started about 8 or 9 days ago. the positive voice got weaker and weaker and now i don't feel I can get the positive back. the sadness and hopelessness is stronger. and that's the part that says "scr*w it, scr*w therapy. why am I doing this to myself?"

i feel more alone now than I did before I started therapy.

[rainbow8]

I may be wrong, but is it possible that you're feeling worse because the topic you didn't want to talk about was something important? You said that instead you talked about "stupid stuff". Could the sadness and hopelessness be because you need to get through issues but you're afraid to talk about them? Do you know what the sad, hopeless, negative feeling is about? Did something happen 8 or 9 days ago to cause you to feel less positive?

Therapy is a very SLOW process. Over a year ago when I started with my new T I told her everything right away so I could "get on with it". Unfortunately, therapy isn't like that. I had to feel stuff, not just tell it. Like life, therapy has to evolve at its own pace and we can't rush it. Perhaps you're thinking you should be farther along than you are?

I'm curious. Was it your idea or your T's to see her notes? It's interesting that she thinks you are more positive whereas you feel the opposite! I hope you can bring that up with her next time.

[dismissed feelings]

I think stubborn is a very poor descriptor of this situation. It isn't like you are intentionally defying her for the heck of it or because you just do not want to do any old thing. Sometimes, if I do not know what I am feeling about something I may not want to discuss it and would rather wait until I am less sleepy, more clear about what might be bugging me about a topic, etc. Sometimes I feel I talk about things before I am ready and it winds up worse than waiting because I just say whatever comes to mind w/o a filter which, regardless of what some say, isn't always a good thing! Also, there are times when I want to get something off my chest and out of my head but T doesn't feel it's time. Is my T being stubborn or avoidant or does T really feel it is too soon? Lately I wonder if my T wants me to avoid certain topics all together which is infuriating, like I will embarass T or something. Anyway, I guess what I am rambling on about is T has their faults, too. Sometimes there may just be a disconnect and calling you stubborn is ridiculous, unless it's been hinted at over and over for a long, long time and you keep bringing something up but not talking about it for some other reason. Still though, avoiding is a better word than stubborn. Maybe your T was just tired but I might discuss it with her/him.