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  #1  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:33 AM
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Asiablue Asiablue is offline
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After 3 sessions and previously a course of CBT, i'm thinking no one can help me find peace withn myself. I have the tools to feel better, yet i don't. I don't know if i ever will. A Therapist can talk with you till the cows come home, but ultimately, they cannot say or so anything to make the hurt go away. If you're destined to be affected or your soul to be sad you're entire life, is there really anything anyone can say or do?

Can you be so broken-hearted that your soul can't be fixed? Am i wasting her time and mine?
Thanks for this!
skysblue

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  #2  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:41 AM
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They aren't supposed to say anything to make the hurt go away. The hurt goes away by you sharing it in therapy and releasing it.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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skysblue
  #3  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:44 AM
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I think if you find the right therapist, you can be helped, no matter what. It just takes time and trust.

I actually asked my T a question similar to what you're asking....she told me that she is confident that I can overcome what I'm struggling with. I told her that I just don't have that hope and confidence. She said that she does and I can borrow hers until I find my own. So...that's where I find my hope and confidence...I put faith in the fact that my T thinks I can be helped, and if she thinks it's possible, then it must be.
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Asiablue, skysblue
  #4  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
They aren't supposed to say anything to make the hurt go away. The hurt goes away by you sharing it in therapy and releasing it.
But i have went over it and over it. I understand it better noww. I have the skills and knowlege to cope better. Yet i can't get rid of the sadness, which brings my mood down, which starts me feeling bad about who i am. Over and over it goes in my head.
  #5  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:49 AM
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When you went over it and over it again did you let out your feelings or did you just talk about it intellectually?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #6  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:52 AM
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sometimes i had tears but not proper balled my eyes out, i leave that for home.
  #7  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:54 AM
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This is why it didn't work then.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
skysblue
  #8  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:55 AM
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It's great that you stuck through a whole course of CBT! That's not easy, I know. It sounds like it has helped, some--but you are still distressed. That doesn't mean you are hopeless or that therapy is useless. It means that you are a little better, but maybe still need some help. You could try CBT with a different therapist, or perhaps you could find a therapist who uses many different strategies ('eclectic').

Some people benefit a lot from building a relationship with a counselor, and the healing comes from sharing things within that safe relationship. Perhaps that kind of therapy might be helpful at this stage.

I'm sorry you are struggling. There is hope.
Thanks for this!
Asiablue
  #9  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:55 AM
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Plus there is something called grieving which is part of the process........
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #10  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:57 AM
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i don't know how to let go and just cry and cry on front of someone. Do i really need to do that in t to get better?
  #11  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 09:57 AM
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If you want to release it........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
Asiablue
  #12  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Prettylittleblue View Post
i don't know how to let go and just cry and cry on front of someone. Do i really need to do that in t to get better?
Not necessarily. But you do really need to express your feelings and look at the things that trigger your sadness and depression. Personally I don't think that means you have to cry and cry in therapy. Some people do; some do not. Progress can be made even if crying is not something you do in front of other people.
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Asiablue
  #13  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 10:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeksi View Post
It's great that you stuck through a whole course of CBT! That's not easy, I know. It sounds like it has helped, some--but you are still distressed. That doesn't mean you are hopeless or that therapy is useless. It means that you are a little better, but maybe still need some help. You could try CBT with a different therapist, or perhaps you could find a therapist who uses many different strategies ('eclectic').

Some people benefit a lot from building a relationship with a counselor, and the healing comes from sharing things within that safe relationship. Perhaps that kind of therapy might be helpful at this stage.

I'm sorry you are struggling. There is hope.

I think i need to speak to T and see if she thinks there's a way forward. I don't understand the therapeutic process, how is this talking helping?
  #14  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 10:04 AM
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This is a great idea!
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #15  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 10:24 AM
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Interesting article about ways therapy helps:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/delia-..._b_686825.html
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  #16  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 01:41 PM
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Therapy is a process and change and feeling better come with time and gradually for many. That's how it is for me.

And 4 years with this therapist, whom I adore, I still have dreams and thoughts that she can't help me or can't help me *enough*. Much of the 4 years has been trying to make therapy about her, and I think it was a way of wishing she could do whatever it is that I need to do to grow (change/heal/feel better). I'm slowly coming out of that, something I recognize because it is sobering in a here and now way and in a sad way. Also something revealing itself here and there, like in a dream where I am young and wrapped up except for my eyes; I am peeking out, tentative, just having a look. Another is a Freudian slip in an email I sent her. Following an email where I was upset, I put in the subject line "Don't be afraid to look!". She isn't afraid, it's me who is afraid I still have dreams where I turn my back on her in whatever form she takes (once a giant very stylish shoe. lol She has a bazillion pairs of shoes, so shoes are something I relate to her. She also pointed out it could be the old woman who lived in the shoe. We do chuckle at this stuff. )

I don't often cry there, but I have. At home, though, I have times when I am struck by something, a new awareness, a memory, an insight, and I grieve deeply. Sometimes I wish I could do that in therapy and I think that is a carryover from wanting to be comforted by T. Other times I am afraid that if it happened, I would be like Humpty Dumpty and would not be able to be put back together again.

I don't know either if it's necessary to grieve in therapy or if it's an attractive thought because it's a place where it's safe to do that, or if it's an attractive thought because it might evoke a comforting response by T.

Are you opposed to grieving in therapy, attracted to the idea, frightened by the idea..?
  #17  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 02:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES View Post
Therapy is a process and change and feeling better come with time and gradually for many. That's how it is for me.

And 4 years with this therapist, whom I adore, I still have dreams and thoughts that she can't help me or can't help me *enough*. Much of the 4 years has been trying to make therapy about her, and I think it was a way of wishing she could do whatever it is that I need to do to grow (change/heal/feel better). I'm slowly coming out of that, something I recognize because it is sobering in a here and now way and in a sad way. Also something revealing itself here and there, like in a dream where I am young and wrapped up except for my eyes; I am peeking out, tentative, just having a look. Another is a Freudian slip in an email I sent her. Following an email where I was upset, I put in the subject line "Don't be afraid to look!". She isn't afraid, it's me who is afraid I still have dreams where I turn my back on her in whatever form she takes (once a giant very stylish shoe. lol She has a bazillion pairs of shoes, so shoes are something I relate to her. She also pointed out it could be the old woman who lived in the shoe. We do chuckle at this stuff. )

I don't often cry there, but I have. At home, though, I have times when I am struck by something, a new awareness, a memory, an insight, and I grieve deeply. Sometimes I wish I could do that in therapy and I think that is a carryover from wanting to be comforted by T. Other times I am afraid that if it happened, I would be like Humpty Dumpty and would not be able to be put back together again.

I don't know either if it's necessary to grieve in therapy or if it's an attractive thought because it's a place where it's safe to do that, or if it's an attractive thought because it might evoke a comforting response by T.

Are you opposed to grieving in therapy, attracted to the idea, frightened by the idea..?
I do this! I am not opposed to grieving in therapy, but crying as hard as i do at home and alone, is something i've never done in therapy. Would i like to? In a way yes, because sometimes i feel like i'm about to and it takes energy not to totally breakdown, it would also mean i was in the moment totally and maybe dropping the barrier. Maybe it would aid healing. Maybe crying that hard with someone beside me would be comforting. I dunno.

Maybe in that moment totally immersed in grief, something constructive could come out of it.
  #18  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 02:35 PM
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I realize that I have mentioned this only briefly to my T. Mostly it ends up being about the worry of falling apart. I think I am going to talk more directly about it next time, about what it's like at home and how I wish I could have it happen there. yikes.

Have you talked about this with your T? Would you like to?
Thanks for this!
Asiablue
  #19  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 02:40 PM
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it would also mean i was in the moment totally and maybe dropping the barrier.
Learning how to be in the moment totally is a very important goal for mental health I think. When I crossed that line I was finally really alive.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
Asiablue
  #20  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 03:05 PM
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Asiablue Asiablue is offline
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I've emailed her waiting on a reply. So scared she's going to say she can't do anything for me. Rejection and abandonment 101!!
  #21  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 03:13 PM
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We will be here for you!
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
Asiablue
  #22  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 03:16 PM
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CBT can be great as a tool to be learned, but like many other things needs to be practiced and practiced in order to become an expert user.

I am not sure whether I should say how many T sessions I have had (), but have been going for over a year and I think I have finally got what I am supposed to be doing and I am going to start the real work - I know for me after 3 sessions it was not possible to judge if it is working - one of the most important things I have learned is to talk to T about whatever is bothering you, including this...of course often (or in my case usually) this is easier said than done.
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Thanks for this!
Asiablue
  #23  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 03:57 PM
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omg. Had a lovely email back from her. Didn't expect that, i expected her to say i accept this email as termination or something. I was giving her the option to walk away from me, i suppose it was a test. ( i know, i know, this is a bad thing to do).
  #24  
Old Aug 13, 2011, 12:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Prettylittleblue View Post
omg. Had a lovely email back from her. Didn't expect that, i expected her to say i accept this email as termination or something. I was giving her the option to walk away from me, i suppose it was a test. ( i know, i know, this is a bad thing to do).
Great you got an e-mail. T's are good at doing the unexpected
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  #25  
Old Aug 13, 2011, 11:31 AM
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Asiablue Asiablue is offline
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Great you got an e-mail. T's are good at doing the unexpected
They really are. As far as i'm concerned she went above and beyond the call of duty. I got 2 long emails from her and a cyber hug. I think i might have a good T. I'm going to keep going, try and sort out the big mess that is my mind.
Thanks for this!
Sannah
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