Ugh!

This is so completely ugh ... to think, feel and also to write about

Reading threads and posts on here; or reading elsewhere, does anyone else ever feel jealous of the T's others have?

I don't think I'd use the word jealous. I do get envious of those who have therapists who give hugs ... but at that same time, I'm so happy for them to be able to receive that type of comfort. I had a therapist who gave hugs so I know what that's like. And despite feeling this way, I am so thankful for my therapist.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way ... and perfectly human.

Not necessarily of the T's, per se, but of the amount of access others have with their T's. I am so jealous that people can email their T's and some can email them a lot,get regular replies from them, text them, phone them and go over in session regularly. My T has extremely firm boundaries. Of course, I would also feel guilty accessing so much of my T without paying her more so I guess it's just as well I do not have the opportunity to contact her between sessions.

I don't mean jealous in the sense of not wanting them to have that; or wanting it to go away at all ... never that!

Maybe that's the wrong word

I know that's not what you meant, tigergirl

Yes. I used to be jealous of others' Ts when I was seeing my former T. I wished I had a T who would let me email, who would let me talk about the child parts of me, and who would give hugs. Once I found a T like that I wasn't jealous anymore.

So, are you happy with your T? If not, you can search and find one who is more like the ones you are jealous of. Or, you can bring up with your own T what you like about the other Ts and see if there is any way your T can do some of what you like in the other Ts.

Each T is different, and also may work differently with each client. Maybe what you are jealous of wouldn't work for you in your therapy. Or maybe it would. If what other Ts do and yours doesn't bothers you so that you think your therapy isn't effective, I'd suggest discussing it, like I said above, or looking for a different T.

thanks rainbow rose I think it's the hug thing mostly for me as well

I wish you had that also Sky, even if it was some kind of arranged minimum additional payment to give the support and still keep to some boundaries

thanks

Thanks Rainbow I'm glad you have your current T I know therapy is effective; just some things I read about aren't possible or workable in the current situation and sometimes it's harder than others

Before my T relationship progressed to what it is today, I was very jealous of others. I was able to frequently call, text, and email, but my T did not allow touch, except for two times during extreme emotional moments. Sometimes our sessions went over but not often. For the last six months though, everything changed. We go often go over or she starts early. I cuddle with her, hold her hands, or put my head in her lap most of the session. She has told me she loves me and that I am like a daughter. Sometimes I kiss her hand or she kisses my forehead.

So, I think it's possible to get what you need for your T. My T flatly refused at the beginning and I thought she was coldhearted and uncaring. I considered finding someone else, especially after reading the posts here last fall. It took a while, many, many sessions and discussions, to get where we are. I think we had to build a lot of trust and bond on BOTH sides. I would tell her that she made me feel like a freak whenever she denied me hugs. Then BANG something changed and she relaxed her boundaries. It has certainly helped to heal me and satisfy what I've never gotten.

so i thought a bit. my current relationship does satisfy SOME of my needs but remembering some of what others have posted, yes I am still jealous of those who hang out with their Ts. I've only done one activity outside the session, which was arguably therapeutic. maybe ill always be jealous if I perceive that others have more than what I do. that probably relates to my having NOTHING as a child from my parents and always pining after what my friends' had or what I saw on TV.

i tend to be envious of the willingness other's T's are about e-mail and texting because mine will not allow it for me.she has explained her reasons and all but i still wish i could.