[Wren_]

But what does it mean for either T to be nurturing or for the therapy environment to be nurturing?

[childofyen]

Not silly at all. I'd like to know the answer too.

[Omers]

For me the nurturing times are things like:

1st session, I know T from a different context and adore her as a person... but due to REALLY bad T experiences am scared. Sitting there trying to look all happy and chill. We get done with the chit chat and T looks at the floor and says "yeh, this is scary" I give her all the reasons why I shouldn't be scared and without arguing she gives me reasons why it could be scary.

We are going along talking just fine and then she says something that hits deep. Again, I try to act all cool and un-phased.... T looks at the floor and says "looks like that is stirring something up" or " how does it feel to hear me say that?"

All typed out it looks simple, maybe even cold but in those sessions it just feels SO good. Even though I insist (reflexively) on being a bad ***** and not showing her how really really good it feels. And it does feel REALLY REALLY good the way she says it.

Then there are the hugs at the end that are undeniably authentic... Or if she REALLY wants to get at my hear she bows slightly with her hands together and says Namaste... I stay all cool and collect until I hit the car then cry for half an hour before I am safe to drive home.

[granite1]

i'm not sure but maybe it is being safe and creating a safe inviorment that allows for growth and healing without a lot of pain and hurt

I think that it means that therapy feels like a safe place you can go, where you know you will be supported... and it is a place that helps you grow as a person.

[skysblue]

You know - even though I find myself ticked off with T and even though I feel she hurt me in some way, I still feel nurtured there. I guess it's knowing that your T really cares, is not going to reject you, will try their best to support you during difficult moments. The space is nurturing because I'm encouraged to be myself - the good, the bad and the ugly.

To nurture in therapy is to give you time and space to grow into the person you want to be. It's giving you skills that may have been robbed of you during your younger stages of life, and doing so in a safe manner. To nurture is to give you safe boundaries to function inside and outside of session, to help you reach a point that you 'bloom' despite your past. It makes me think of growing a flower... You have to plant the seeds first, and once you can take those in we add the rich nutrients (coping skills), water (acceptance), and sunlight (encouragement) to begin to sprout. We tend to it, protect it, and try all sorts of crazy things to help it continue to blossom.

[vaffla]

Originally Posted by Omers

For me the nurturing times are things like:

1st session, I know T from a different context and adore her as a person... but due to REALLY bad T experiences am scared. Sitting there trying to look all happy and chill. We get done with the chit chat and T looks at the floor and says "yeh, this is scary" I give her all the reasons why I shouldn't be scared and without arguing she gives me reasons why it could be scary.

We are going along talking just fine and then she says something that hits deep. Again, I try to act all cool and un-phased.... T looks at the floor and says "looks like that is stirring something up" or " how does it feel to hear me say that?"

All typed out it looks simple, maybe even cold but in those sessions it just feels SO good. Even though I insist (reflexively) on being a bad ***** and not showing her how really really good it feels. And it does feel REALLY REALLY good the way she says it.

Then there are the hugs at the end that are undeniably authentic... Or if she REALLY wants to get at my hear she bows slightly with her hands together and says Namaste... I stay all cool and collect until I hit the car then cry for half an hour before I am safe to drive home.

That is empathy at its best and your description touched me.

[Wren_]

At the moment I feel really glad I asked what felt like a silly question It really helps to read the different replies (thankyou ) and also helps me to see where nurturing is happening even when and where I wasn't aware.

Omers what you said, doesn't look simple typed out, it's those kinds of examples where I'm finding I crave more of those times and that they are ever so precious.

time, space, skills, safe, support, acceptance, encouragement, validation, desire for growth, *whatever else i'm missing* = nurturing ...

thanks

[Wysteria]

Dear Tigergirl,

This may sound just as silly or weird...but for me it has to do with the word "thrive"...like in a baby.

You can feed a baby and change a baby and take care of all of it's basic needs, but if you don't cherish the baby and listen to its cues and cuddle and "touch" the baby and bond with him...he will not thrive. Babies in orphanages in Russia and other places often do not thrive and just wither and die from really just lack of touch and connection..

For me, my therapist helps me to grow by nurturing me a little, especially when I can't do it for myself. He honours me and cherishes my good and my bad parts, and is able to listen and hear me like no one else. He "touches" my heart and soul and mind and helps them to grow and develop and mature because he is safe and I trust him. He guides me and teaches me about the world and how to connect to it, and to live in it in a healthier way without so much fear and negativity. Thus I thrive and don't wither and die from neglect and lack of will to survive.

I don't want to die in here all alone and forgotten. He remembers me. So I live another day and try to come out and find the freedom and connection he promises me I will find one day....

weird, but for me true..

WB

to me, it feels like a say anything, do anything, within reason, and it is still safe. that t is on your side 110% of the time,

and he told me i was "tender-hearted" LOL
knows me... in most of the scary places and still makes it safe

[Butterflies Are Free]

Nurturing to me is this:
Having my T look me in the eyes no matter what I am saying and I know she is not ashamed of me. Feeling like my T is protective of me because she tells me that she feels this way. Being encouraged to share all of my feelings, even when I have feelings of irritation/anger towards my T. Being allowed to cry. Knowing that I am safe, not just physically but emotionally as well. Having my T tell me that she cares about me. Wanting to break down the "walls" I have because I want my T to know the real me.