[sittingatwatersedge]

well...

I decided to take a serious look at something that recently came up, trying hard to see it without defenses, and I'm shocked at what I see. And excited. So many things that were unexplainable to me before seem to be lining up.

I keep working away in therapy but feel like I keep trying all the doors and they're all locked...
In the past, when i thought I had a breakthrough and brought it to T, the response has always been less than enthusiastic; from this I gathered that my "discoveries" were mistaken, to some degree, or too small (things I should have clued into long ago)...

so I want to tell her this new "insight" tomorrow, but I'm afraid...

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

In the past, when i thought I had a breakthrough and brought it to T, the response has always been less than enthusiastic; from this I gathered that my "discoveries" were mistaken, to some degree, or too small (things I should have clued into long ago)...

so I want to tell her this new "insight" tomorrow, but I'm afraid...

((((((((((sawe)))))))))))

Your insights and your truth are what are true for YOU.

The only times when T has absolutely not bought into my "insights" have been times where I've come to the conclusion "hey, this really WAS all my fault!" or the like. And it's really bothered me, but of course, with distance, I get it.

Other than that, I think that no matter WHAT our T's response, we have our own wisdom, and we come to an understanding of our Selves in our own way, and in our own time. I tend to e-mail big insights to my T so I never see his reaction, but my guess is it COULDN'T match the intensity of the "A-HA" I feel when they come to me.

I hope your T gives you what you need...and if she doesn't, I hope you can hang onto the excitement of making discoveries.

Hugs and hugs to you

[granite1]

SWE i think it is awsome that some things are seeming to line up for you and make more sencei wish you T could have been a bit more exsited for you in the past even if she thought it was less than impressive to her it is probibly huge for you and this is what matters.you work so hard in therapy and are such an inspiration to me SWE .

[unaluna]

sawe - boy, I can relate! I think if the solution doesn't have enough FEEEEELINGS in it, I get shot down. Darn T's are like bloodhounds...

[rainbow8]

If it's an insight for YOU it doesn't matter so much what T thinks, though of course you want her to approve and agree with you that it's important. I hope you tell her and that she validates you. If not, I validate your insight and others here do too! You're working hard in therapy!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

thanks all
T and I once talked about approval -
she asked me whether I want her approval -
and I said not specifically, no, but considering what you know, I wouldn't mind it. She seemed OK with that.

If she does validate what I want to tell her, there are some definite things to work on, and things to be done, which will give me such a feeling of forward motion, it has been so long I've been fighting shadows.
you people are the best
in case anyone is free tomorrow evening ...I'd appreciate a little company

[Perna]

Hmm, my T always gave me clues when I was barking up the wrong path, "It's not like that" and I never felt like she thought something learned was too small or too late; we discussed that too, that I had some really odd "holes" in my knowledge, things one would normally learn as a child but that I hadn't. But all learning was good stuff and didn't elicit anything small from my therapist?

If it looks good to you, it is good! It is yours! Share it with your T and if you think her response is too small or in some way negative, tell her how you were expecting she'd be as thrilled as you are and discuss what she sees/doesn't see/is "expecting" or whatever.

[sittingatwatersedge]

well I wrote up an outline, but it was ... um... grueling. This is hard, hard stuff for me.

Whenever I write something down, I usually make two copies, one for me to read from, one for T to make notes on & file if she wants.

this time I made only one copy. I know the words on these papers will never come out of my mouth.

I didn't get any volunteers for pocket riders, but if some of you might remember me this evening that would be kind.

[FourRedheads]

I'll ride along, sawe. Sending you lots of support. I admire what you are doing and I think you are very brave.

[skysblue]

I'd love to come along. I'm facing something similar today. What time/time zone? I'll be thinking of you.

But what the others said about insight, I agree with. T's do not know us as well as we know ourselves. What feels monumental to us may not seem like much to them. Of course we listen to them and take their guidance but in the end, it is our own inner voice that we need to listen to. And I'm not talking about that negative yapping voice, I'm talking about the voice that speaks from the true self.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I'd love to come along. I'm facing something similar today. What time/time zone? I'll be thinking of you.

6pmEDT. I will come with you too!

yes I know the others are right about the inner voice. It's just that self doubt is so strong. whatever...........................................

[childofyen]

Is there a sign up sheet somewhere for the pocket riding? If so, please include me!!

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

6pmEDT. I will come with you too!

yes I know the others are right about the inner voice. It's just that self doubt is so strong. whatever...........................................

That's 3:00 pm PST. I'll be in session the same time you are. It will be nice knowing that someone is facing tough stuff the same time as me.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by skysblue

And I'm not talking about that negative yapping voice

YOU MEAN ME? J/K!

SAWE, just signed on a few minutes ago, but i will definitely be a pocket rider. havent been to t for a few weeks anyways. Be proud of you, and t will follow.

sending safe hugs
ps can i ride in a front pocket, i want to see what your t looks like? and stick my tongue out just in case

[ECHOES]

Heya, twinster - we were 'on the couch' at exactly the same time today!

I'm just seeing this so, although I missed the chance to volunteer to ride along, I am thinking of you now and I hope you had a great session!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

dear PC friends

I don't think I have ever hidden, and cried, so much in one session. My T is the best though - she brought me in early and instead of going home early (something which must be very rare for a T) she gave me a half hour's extra time out of her own generosity.

She said I was
brave
articulate
intelligent
not a monster
and (most precious of all) on the right path. She said she was very impressed with what I had brought her, and we're going to work on it together.
I can't say what I feel right now - small, vulnerable, but tired, and cared for and kinda hopeful - and I know I am going to sleep well tonight.

Many hugs to all of you riders.
And Jmomg you can at her some other time, today she was all attention, all heart.

whew..................

((((((((sawe)))))))

I've been away from the computer all day, or I would have so gladly jumped into your pocket.

But, wow, look at how well you did. You showed up and allowed yourself to be vulnerable and T gave you just what you needed. What a huge step in your journey.

Thanks for giving me a smile.

I know how emotionally and physically exhausting those sessions can be...be extra gentle with you tonight.