Well, as hard as it is right now, and as much as I am hating it, I am SO SO SO SO grateful for therapy that I can hardly find the words for it.

I was helping high school son with Biology hw tonight, and it was time for youngest son and middle son to go to bed. I couldn't find MS ANYWHERE and finally found him crying in my bathroom.

Once I figured out he wasn't hurt, I was able to sit down with him and tell him "You look so sad". I was able to wait while he worked up the courage to talk about what was wrong. I was able to hear the things he needed to talk about and tell him stories from my own life that I knew he would relate to. I was able to tell him that it's okay to feel feelings - sadness, anger, excitement, hopefulness, happiness, joy, ANYTHING - that that is what makes us human. And I was able to tell him that feelings always change, and that it's okay that he's sad now and that he won't feel sad forever.

He was really worrying about something (this is why he was crying)and we talked about it for a long time...and then once I realized he was getting SUPER lost in it, I taught him something T taught me...to think of my thoughts going by on a train, and to not grab onto them as they go by. To just say "hey, there's that worry" and let it move on while the next thought moves in (I guess I learned that from my buddhist meditation group too). I told him that we needed to get up and move around some to get his train moving, and we stood up and went in the bathroom so he could brush his teeth. And by the time he went to bed, he was smiling, and explaining to his little brother the "mystical trick" (lol - his words) of letting thoughts pass by on a train.

I never, ever, ever could have done that without therapy, because I didn't KNOW any of it. When I was growing up, feelings weren't allowed, and if a feeling did appear, it had to go away IMMEDIATELY. The adults just drank and drank and drank and the kids plastered on a smile and kept going. That was the extent of my "training" in dealing with fears, worries, emotions, feelings.

And now I have these skills and I can teach them to my boys while they're still young. All three of them tend to really listen to me when it comes to this stuff in general, and it's so good to have something to tell them...something that I know is true and that works, because T has taught the same things to me and I've got to use them over and over again.

That's all. I love that in the midst of the yuck, we had that moment (although I don't love that MS was so sad ). T told me on the phone this morning to look for moments of grace today. I think I found one.

[Perna]

Oh, treehouse, that's so wonderful for you and your son(s)! Thanks for sharing. I love when we can "see" the changes in ourselves like that.

[geez]

(((((((Tree)))))))) That is so beautiful. Your children are soooooo lucky to have you there for them. If you don't mind I'm going to use your 'train analogy'. All it takes is one small thing to effect someone's life. And you have just affected mine

[zbmom]

That is so wonderful. I too grew up in a household where feelings weren't allowed and was constantly invalidated by my parents. My son is 20 months old and I make it a point to talk about feelings with him all the time. I tell him "you're feeling mad because your friend took that toy" and so forth. I think it's so important to try to get ourselves healthier so we can be good parents to our children and help them grow into well adjusted adults. That's awesome you were able to help your son!

[Kacey2]

Tree that is AWESOME. I believe that you are a super mom. I also thank you for all your therapy stories. I think that your t is great and I love that you share all you do with us. I learn a lot from you. I swear our t's could be t brothers!

Originally Posted by treehouse

And now I have these skills and I can teach them to my boys while they're still young. All three of them tend to really listen to me when it comes to this stuff in general, and it's so good to have something to tell them...something that I know is true and that works, because T has taught the same things to me and I've got to use them over and over again.

I really identify with this, and thank you for expressing your experience and reflection so beautifully, it really moved me. I love those moments when my son (I have only one) really listens to me when I say these kinds of things. I think the listening comes from him somehow identifying that that this is not just another one of those lectures about how you're supposed to be (you probably never give those) but that it's coming from a very authentic place inside me and that I believe it to be a truth. I can tell that he's really listening and I love that, and I can also tell that we are really connecting and close in those moments as well.

Anne

[Sannah]

Tree, this brought tears to my eyes because you are such a loving person........ You ooze out love. Let some come your way okay?