[mcl6136]

All,

EEEK! Tomorrow is the day when I will be telling my T that I'll be ending therapy. I'm kinda scared! I have felt so judged and minimized through this whole process but now, it worries me that I'll be.. well...dumping him. I am thinking that I need the entire session, or maybe even two sessions, to make my way through this. I have lots of friends who have just failed to show or called to cancel (with this same therapist, no less!) but I feel really compelled to go through a final appt...and talk about what didn't work for me. I think the hard part for me is admitting that I didn't have the rapport, and the support, that I'd wanted and yet, I kept going, week in and week out. The plus side for me is that at least I spoke up on behalf of my needs and pointed out how I was experiencing the therapy. I'm sure that there's a lot to be learned here, and that's why I'm going to take my time to get through this. It's a bummer, because I envisioned myself being in therapy (with this therapist, actually), for some time and leaving with a glow of success and having some issues resolved. And some of them are, but in some ways, this therapy has compounded other issues. Some of you have expressed endings that are bittersweet or hard to leave but frankly, I think I'm going to feel relieved and probably pissed that I spent $700 some months on this cold, distant man (yes, Dad was like that too, no coincidence). But I'm still nervous about tomorrow! Really, really nervous. Wish me luck!

[gma45]

Wishing you luck! Some how things have a way of working out.

[WePow]

You are doing the RIGHT thing by standing up for your needs.
Not all Ts are the right fit for a person. That doesn't make them a bad T or a bad client. It just means that the relationship is not working.

Be honest about your feelings and your needs. And don't give up on therapy because it can work. Write down what you NEED from a T and go find it. My T had to go through over 20 of his own Ts before he found the one that was the right fit for him. It is worth the effort to find the right match.

[rainbow_rose]

Best o'luck to you!

[mixedup_emotions]

Wishing you lots of strength with this...it's a difficult task, but one that shows how you are trying to get your needs met and standing up for yourself.

[skysblue]

Please tell us how it goes.

[FourRedheads]

Thinking of you today.

[sunrise]

Good luck today, mcl. Hope it goes well. I admire you for not turning away and going in person. It is a growth experience--good for you for doing it even though it is hard.

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I think the hard part for me is admitting that I didn't have the rapport, and the support, that I'd wanted and yet, I kept going, week in and week out.

I definitely get that. It reminds me of my marriage. It can be hard to "give up" on a relationship but sometimes moving on is the positive and healthy thing to do, not a failure.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Good luck today, mcl. Hope it goes well. I admire you for not turning away and going in person. It is a growth experience--good for you for doing it even though it is hard.

I definitely get that. It reminds me of my marriage. It can be hard to "give up" on a relationship but sometimes moving on is the positive and healthy thing to do, not a failure.

thanks so much for your words of affirmation. It is hard to move on...and I think ten years ago, Iwould have just "cut and run." Whew...there's even more to come...I think I am going back to ENDING SESSION PART 2. Ugh! You're right, it's a growth experience, but I'm also feeling a lot of relief!

[mcl6136]

All,

Just back from my appointment with T-- whom I am currently leaving-- and wanted to tell everyone THANKS for the hand-holding, validation, and kind words of encouragement for me as I walk this path...

That's the main message here folks....just thanks a 1,000,000,000....

The process is not going to be as easy as I'd hope or as brief --I'm thinking of going back again next week for Disengage Part Two. Don't know if that's a good idea. However, I'm already feeling a huge amount of relief, and the session confirmed that although this isn't the T-relationship that I need longer-term it has allowed for some growth. I'm left feeling that there is more of an "orientation" problem with my T, in addition to some true lack of chemistry, at work. His outlook seems to be very much in the psychoanalytical camp, and even in my session yesterday, I felt very "analyzed" and that's probably just not a good fit for me at this stage. In the rare instances when he breaks out of this style, it's to judge me ("you're a real character..you're really on the fringe, and being on the fringe is hard). WTF???

I'm looking for something really different than this particular person's stock-in- trade. I feel that I'm being very negative here, which raises all kinds of internal alarms...I was raised in a situation where raising objections was completely taboo and it's hard for me to let go of situations that I think I should salvage. Or I could salvage...a project, and projects are us! (That's clearly at work here). However, being able to show up and talk this through with someone who in some ways helped me has been nothing short of liberating! It makes the process less about blame (thought let's not kid ourselves here, I'm still pretty pissed!) and more about "not a good match."

I guess in the end, I'm kind of sad. And I feel like it's going to take some time to recover from being strafed by this condescending analyst. Turns out, there are a lot of people in this city who have dealt with him and come to similar conclusions and they're out of the woodwork and pleased to talk. Ugh! Where I go from here will take a bit of time but once again, I appreciate your thoughts....

[Wren_]

I wonder why you want to go back again if its such a negative experience for you? it's good that the session confirmed what you knew, but if you've told him you are leaving and there isn't a need to work through anything else since it seems to be causing more harm than good, what value would there be. What did he say about you leaving? did he work through any of that with you

[WePow]

Bottom line is to do what is right for you. There are GOOD Ts out there. VERY good ones. Not all are created equal.

[mcl6136]

I am taking a bit of time to think over whether MORE closure is needed or not. some of the conversations that I'm having about this are IN MY HEAD, and maybe that's where they need to remain, or on this forum, but no longer in that office. You're right...little value is being added at this point, but I'm kinda glad that the process has been this in-depth, too. In the past, I've just dumped and run -- in order to avoid this kind of discussion, so ...PROGRESS!

[skysblue]

As you ponder whether more 'closure' is needed by talking to him, can you elucidate what that might look like? What would you hope to gain by continuing the discussion with him?
From the outside here looking in, it seems like a lose/lose situation by returning but only you know for sure.

[mcl6136]

You know what? I think it would look like me groveling to be liked by this guy. Which is something I need to work out with SOMEONE ELSE! Clarity is forming here....somewhat slowly and expensively, but still...forming...