Weaning myself off of T

I don't want to hijack this thread, but it seems to me that a very valid point is that I should have the ability to talk about what in therapy ISN'T working for me without it being automatically about my RESISTANCE! Therapy fatigue (this is a new term that is sticking, I think ) isn't always anger or resistance or buried things, sometimes it's just therapy fatigue! In my case, it was fatigue about a certain practitioner, but in the past (I've done two other long-term therapies in my life) I've come to these same junctures and discovered that I needed a break, I needed to loop back to past things I've accomplished in therapy, I needed to acknowledge that week, in week out might suit my therapist more than it suits me. And when I have been at these critical forks in the road, I recall my best therapist knowing that needed to be acknowledged kindly and respected. In one case, I went forward, and in another case, I chose to completely change the direction of therapy, and in this final case, I've decided to quit. However, being bullheaded and just hoping to power through in a straightforward, linear fashion, hoping to "try" to fix my own apathy was the worst possible option. Sometimes we just have to listen to our own best wisdom and Wean ourselves Off of T.....not that we will never come back, but that these signals from ourselves need to be respected. That's my two cents, anyway. For whatever it is worth! And I sure understand being a complete coward in that room...easy for me to say now MCL

Hijack away - no seriously I think what you have written is relevant and is not hijacking, but sharing some personal experiences / insights. You sound very strong and I wonder if you were that strong before you started therapy?

I am a complete coward and terrified of rejection, so I wonder is this is why I am so submissive with T and desperate to get it right in that room for fear of failure and rejection. And why I feel unable to challenge things and identify my needs. Yes maybe I do need to listen to that voice that is saying to take a break, take stock, reflect, time to get over my therapy fatigue, then push forward again. But it is so hard to leave and as you say easy to stay.

I sometimes also wonder whether this T will be my practice ground and then I will take those skills to another T who will be unaware of the pathetic "patient" I was with my current T. I think I have become this "me" in therapy with T and that is now my label / persona that I display to this T - like I am a certain person with my mother, another with my friends and that is the role I adopt with each.

Your posts were worth more than 2 cents by the way - thanks - Soup

Thank you so much
I don't feel particularly strong today, and had actually been feeling a little puny...so your comment made a big difference!

I think part of my problem with this most recent T was that I wanted to "do a good job" in therapy, and that was really really problematic . I think I imported a lot of my achievement mode, which I was raised with, into the process and it really didn't have much of a place in therapy. The very things that made me a good "patient" made me stumble sometimes in therapy, and I felt like I was flunking And then, the idea of leaving the process was kind of like taking an "incomplete" in a class. But,I thought so what? One day, while fully in the role of hapless patient sitting across from my silent, unaffected T, I asked myself: what would "doing a good job" in here look like? What, exactly, would success-- really look like? How will I know beyond trusting my inmost feelings, which are telling me to LEAVE?

And I couldn't answer that question. Each time I felt that I had answered it, a new question would crop up. And one day, I was sitting in therapy and my T said, we need to have another issue to work on..., and I thought, really? Maybe not! Maybe there are other ways for me to access those parts of me that I want to expand, rather than raking over and over those parts that I wish would contract....My T talked alot about "cleaning the wound," and one day, I thought, what if I no longer conceptualize myself as being fundamentally wounded but instead as fundamentally WHOLE? How would that feel? Why aren't we talking about healing rather than wounds all the time? I'm just really really tired of being across the room from someone who sees the glass as half empty..and I got tired of picking scabs...sorry to be graphic here but hey...

And yet, every time I raised issues with the direction of therapy, I was treated with condescension (I know best how this should proceed) and labeled "resistant."

Isn't it my therapy? And if I need it to change, and it can't, then therapy fatigue (depression about the therapy itself?) by its very definition sets in. And staying makes absolutely no sense unless being depressed is what you're after, rather than what sent you there!

I'm not implying that there were no discoveries along the way or that the process was a total wash, but my therapy fatigue got worse and worse, and the issues WITHIN the therapy started to eclipse the issues that I came to deal with, until, finally...the end. Now I'm taking a break (while still hanging out online on the therapy forum, go figure!). And having friends here helps! Blessings....MCL

MCL- you speak with such clarity about therapy. I completely agree that constantly picking over scabs isn't helpful or healthy in my opinion. Also, why is it resistance when you are taking charge of your own health and recognising when you need a break from therapy?

I love that you decided to approach yourself as fundamentally whole, which it sounds like you are. Recognising when something isn't working for you is mentally healthy!

Yes therapy is all about the bad bits, the things I can't do - does this just reinforce these bits? I get the "whole" - and also for me I think there are lots of things I can do, so am I just being self indulgent, self serving in going to T?

I think I've been trying to get to this point of loosing my interest. Right now it still hurts that therapy isn't helping like I want. Do you feel like that too?

It is just like ending a problematic relationship- eventually one can get to the point of letting go and being uninterested. Eh, who am I kidding- ending relationships hurts, even when you do manage to get somewhat detached.

I remember reading somewhere about a positive ending to therapy where the person felt they had gotten some things out of it and just suddenly felt /knew that they didn't need therapy anymore. That sounds similar to loosing interest, just without feeling disappointed.

Well, my t said he believes in breaks. Maybe the breaks you all are talking about on here are a good idea. Except Soup said she might not be able to get back in with your t? Your t doesn't do breaks?

I wish my t would do that.

I absolutely get times when I feel therapy does not help. Sometimes I just go along and see T and it all seems OK and then suddenly I am hit by all thsik negativity. On reflection I think when I wrote this post I was trying to avoid the difficult stuff, I think maybe it wasn't boredom, well it was boredom in terms of talking about the weekly happenings - but I was failing to acknowledge the answer to that boredom was not to think about quitting, but to realise I couldn't put off the troubling big stuff forever - sort of like feeling bored of watching TV and knowing there is a whole heap of other stuff that I could be doing, but not wanting to do those things for a variety or reasons, including because they require more investment in terms of energy - so it being easier to just say "Oh I am so bored!".

I have mentioned breaks to my T before but again on reflection T's advice not to take them was probably the right advice as I think I was trying to run away.

T is tough isn't it and sometimes the reasons for it being tough / boring / a waste of time are not clear?