[rainbow8]

My head is spinning from the session! I started out slowly, holding a pillow in front of me for security. We didn't "chat" first, but did breathing for a few minutes. Then, right into IFS at my request. My eyes were closed for 1 hour and 15 minutes, and then when there was 15 minutes left, I didn't want to open them and look at my T. I did, though and surprisingly I did not feel embarrassed anymore.

She was great, though. Reassured me that I could say anything and that it was fine to talk about feelings for her. I told her about the "in love" feelings, my feelings about wanting to be punished because I was bad, some sexual stuff from the past, and how we're going to work on these issues.

I feel drained now but I am hopeful that she'll be able to help me. There's still a mess of feelings that are all confused in my mind like feeling bad about feeling good and not knowing which is which.

She doesn't want me to feel like I did last week but I'm not sure how not to if the feelings come up again. She wants ME to comfort and support myself that my feelings are okay and not bad, and to just be curious about them. She's not at all bothered by my talking about feeling like I'm "in love" with her.

After my session I always need the bathroom. I had a feeling she was there when I was but didn't ask like she asked me that other time. So, I went back to the office and asked her! I just had to know! She said "yes". So it was an unplanned "field trip" together and was tolerable for me, which made me feel better too.

[Wren_]

((((((((Rainbow)))))))))) that seems like a really good outcome based on what you've shared on here lately and that your T is really with you on this journey and is so willing to keep going and to help you in all of this. I know it was difficult, but well done!

[rainbow_rose]

I'm so glad to hear it was productive, rainbow!

[rainbow8]

Thanks, tigergirl and rainbow_rose. Also BJ for your thanks.

It's hard to relax. I keep trying to remember everything T said, and what I said. She was my T today, and no one else. That was good. I feel relieved that I can talk about this yucky stuff with her. With my other Ts we merely scratched the surface, it seems. It makes SUCH a difference what kind of therapy your T does, I decided. CBT didn't help me. I could fill out the forms but I need to reveal myself, to get to know myself, to validate my parts, and to have a T who gets close to me without being afraid of the BPD diagnosis.

I was so sure I'd never seek another T after my 4th one. I am so grateful that I decided to give it a try one more time. IFS is the best therapy for me right now.

[vaffla]

I am so happy to hear about your session Rainbow! It makes a huge difference to find the right T, and you don't even realize it until you find her! It's like you don't know if you have ever had an orgasm until you finally have one .

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm so glad that your therapy is working for you, Rainbow. You and your T are a great fit, and it seems as though you both are working hard....(( HUGS ))

[granite1]

i'm so glad to hear you were able to share what you were going through this week and not feel so bad about it after.your T sounds wonderfull and so do you .you are working so hard at this .i know in tile you will work it all out

[Sannah]

Such great news! Good work Rainbow!!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I did, though and surprisingly I did not feel embarrassed anymore.

This sounds like a huge thing to me. Fantastic!

[mcl6136]

good for you! You're taking this step by step and feels like you're staying true to yourself....Brave!

[Butterflies Are Free]

GOOD JOB! I know it must have been hard but I think you made a giant step - Way To Go! I am so glad you have such a great connection with your T.