not all or nothing

Been lurking a bit on here lately!

Thought it would be good to take a break from therapy. (Who'd a thunk it!) And it has gone pretty good so far. I am in a new relationship and me and my honey are getting along pretty good. Life is generally ok.

But...surprise surprise.. I think therapy would still help!!!!

The attachment part of therapy makes such a big difference that I did not even realize... I know the goal is to have people in real life that can be there for you during emotional times.. "But" I think it would be good to have a third leg in this relationship.... just to take a bit of the weight off my poor new bf.

Already sometimes it feels like some of the "rigid" ways of thinking and feeling that I can have are getting carried over into our relationship. I always expect him to act disappointing or unavailable and I think he is starting to pick up on that.

Sooooo... it's time to get back on the horse!

Just wanted to share that.

Ah therapy..... there's never a time you DON'T need it.

Hi - it is interesting to hear how people get on without therapy, I often wonder what the actual point is in keeping going and wonder if it just becomes a bit of an obsession.

I also wonder how easy it is to stop, do things just fall apart again or is life easier (even enjoyable?!) - so thank-you for posting this.

Hey great that you have a BF, but it also sounds good that you have identified that although life is OK, you could benefit from some therapy right now. Will you choose the same therapist to go back to? Do you think you therapy experience may be different after having some time out?

Good luck, it instills hope to hear how people get on in real life - Soup

((((((LYIB)))))) it is really really good to see you posting again I missed seeing your posts Congratulations on the new relationship also on recognising your need to get some more help, now to find a T that can be a good fit and really offer the assistance you need

So, tell us how you will hunt for a new T. Do you have interview questions ready? Do you know how to listen to the clues your body gives you whether you resonate with them or not? Do you know what orientation you'd like?

Also, happy like the others that you've dropped by to say hello.

Thank you for your responses! You guys are so sweet! I have missed coming on here!

Yeah is really really nice to be in a relationship and that has sort of temporarily blown every other question, feeling or thought.. away. But now it's time to buckle down and get to work.

Skysblue what interesting questions. I will have to ponder that a bit. I've done psychodynamic therapy before and just plain supportive therapy. Those have tended to be very good, actually. Yeah, in the back of my head-- is that the body part you meant?-- I kind of know what I want.... a warm, older T who is not afraid to give feedback. But genuine.... That's so important. That's my list!

you sound so serious there with the buckling down and getting to work, which is great! that sounds encouraging that you have a good idea about what you want; are you thinking male or female therapist or it doesn't matter? genuine - YES! and someone who keeps their word

How long have you not been in therapy, lastyearisblank?

Congratulations on your new relationship. I think having a T to be there while you establish and nurture that relationship could be really helpful. So, good for you for looking for a new T who can help. Good luck with your search.

I feel like it's good to have my T "in reserve" in case I ever need him. One never knows what will come up in life. I see my T about every 2-4 weeks now, and it becomes more frequent when I need him more and less when I don't. I don't feel the need to drop him completely when I don't have too much going on in my life. If I see him just once a month, it is a way to maintain the relationship, and keep him handy for when I do need him. After my failed marriage, I have learned that one needs to put a lot of effort into relationships and can't just let them slide. So I don't intend to let my T relationship slide either but will go to therapy sometimes just to maintain our partnership. SoupDragon, I haven't felt like going to therapy for an extended period is an obsession for me. If anything, the intensity of our sessions has eased with time. We are now very comfortable together and I don't feel obsessed.

I have other reasons for going to therapy besides having someone who is there for me in emotional times. You're right, you can get that from others you are close to. I think my T gives added value in that he is an expert on so many challenges that come up in my life, so I can ask his advice. Like recently, my father died, and he helped me a lot with that--not just grieving, but knowing how to handle the impending death so that I would have no regrets, things to say to my dad, ways to draw closer to him, helping me get over my reluctance to engage with what is painful, etc. Just lots of stuff a close friend isn't necessarily any better at than I am. If I am ever in a romantic relationship again (which I really doubt will ever happen), I would also like to have my T around to ask advice about on that. My marriage was unsuccessful and I have a lot to learn in the area of relationships so I would love to have my T's guidance so I don't botch it again.

Thanks very much for sharing that sunrise. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I agree. I think a GOOD T has perspective that a friend or a close relative would not have and is willing to get involved in their client's life.

As for the relationships bit, I want a T who will make relationships easier for me, not leave me feeling more raw and anxious than before!!!!!. So I haven't given up hope or anything! But I am dialling my expectations way way way down until I find a T who seems like they can really help and not just have their office be a space for like "anxiety about if they care," and personality clashes.... Yeah..

Yeah tg! Someone who keeps their word!!!... (And responds to emails/phone calls pretty regularly) And doesn't cancel sessions. Maybe I should just call up some Ts and just ask them, "are you a good T?????? will you really help????" Cut to the chase...

lyib - you're getting lazy in your old age. Let me imagine the T that says, "Nope sorry, I'm not a good T and I definitely can't help you." We can add that vignette to our on-stage production. Hilarious it will be.

i know

what is this????????? i have missed a lot around here!

Oh, I had a fantasy that I posted on Charm's thread 'Horrified"

"You know what would be fun sometime - let's put on a play. And let it be a tragicomedy. Maybe it could be just some short vignettes. A bit like TherapyTales but a bit more. What a blast it would be to really get up and really physically 'act out' the drama that happens in therapy. We could create the dialogues here and then get together someday, say, in Duluth or Portland or Miami or London or Auckland or Madrid and put on our production for each other. Private screening for us only. Man, that would be a hoot. And we would really really know what we were talking about - you know- inside jokes. No outsiders allowed."

I'm glad to hear that you will be getting back into therapy.

Seriously, I would like to hear how Ts would answer that. I am not sure what my own T would say.... He has told me before that he thinks he can be too directive. That was surprising to me as I don't think he is directive at all! I told him that, and he said, "good." Another time, very early in therapy, I was telling him an insight he had was just so insightful, and I was impressed (my previous T had not got that insight after 9 months and my T got it in one session), and he said, "it's not brain surgery." I guess this insight seemed super obvious to him. Another time he told me he is really not that good a therapist. And a few other times he has told me how great he is and why he can sometimes help clients when other Ts can't. LOL