[lily99]

I'm sorry I don't contribute as often as I should, but can I please vent?

basically:
I sent an email after a session telling T about how I feel, how I feel about therapy, and how I feel she's been acting distant lately.

No reply for a week.

I wrote again saying sorry if I offended her, but could she please let me know if she had gotten the email. She replied with a very nice email reassuring me that she didn't react badly, and thanks for reminding her to respond. She said she would respond with her thoughts soon.

No response, until an email saying she was going away for a week, and would reply ASAP on her return.

She got back a week ago, no response. She's forgotten me again.

Part of me wants to just wait it out, and see how long it takes for her to remember me. Part of me wants to write to her again telling her how much I have cried and agonized over her forgetting me. A big part of me is sad because the reality that I'm just her job and that the hugely sensitive journal entry I sent her was obviously fairly insignificant in her eyes.

I feel vulnerable. I would appreciate someone giving me their opinion.
Thank you!

((((((((lily))))))))

I SO understand being caught between wanting to wait and see if/when she responds and reaching out again. I know I've been there with my T more than once.

I think deep down I believe that our T's don't want to hurt us, and when they make mistakes, they are just that - mistakes. I always end up reaching out, because I know that when I don't, I'm just keeping myself in a place of hurt and confusion when there is a chance that by reaching out, I can get OUT of that place.

So, in your shoes, I am sure I would e-mail T again, or even call.

Blah, I'm sorry it feels so bad.

[lily99]

Thanks Tree, I know you're right. I know T is human, and much of my anger and hurt probably belongs somewhere else anyway... I'm mostly upset because it's just confirmed what I knew all along and wanted to forget - that she's not my mother, that she doesn't think about me a lot, and that I am forgettable.

This wouldn't be so difficult if my original email wasn't ALL about how I feel ignored, unloveable and forgettable. Any response I get now would kind of defeat the purpose...

thanks for your thoughts Tree

[Omers]

I go through this with Pdoc a LOT. She is just a ditz. The way I handle it so as not to be a total pest or make her feel bad is to send her an "update" on how I am doing since the last email. So far it works very well for me.

Oh thats hard! I totally hear you... I am the same way when my t doesnt reply even if i know its just brcause she is too busy or something. I wish i had something helpful to say. I do know its not a reflection on YOU tho- its abt your t and being busy or forgetful. She doesnt mean to make you feel bad

[PTSDlovemycats]

Awe, that's horrible especially considering the subject of the original email. BIG HUGS to you!!

[missbelle]

Hi Lily;
I know how you must feel. I want to feel like someone cares whether I am alive on this earth or dead......I don't know...your "T" is there to help you work through your problems and to get better..unfortuntely they are not your friend. You have literally hired them to help you. Maybe, just maybe you are expecting more then the "T" can give.....maybe it requires you reaching out to others as well and a support group to help as well as your "T". That way you will not feel so forgotten. I know how that feels and its not good.

you are certainly not forgotten here. I am glad you are here. I am glad we all are here. We all are important, special and unique on this earth.

Time we all cared more about each other!!!

Hugs;

Thinking of you........

[Wysteria]

I feel vulnerable. I would appreciate someone giving me their opinion.
Thank you![/quote]

Hi Lily,

Of course you feel vulnerable and I'm so sorry that your T is perpetuating this vulnerable feeling by not responding to you adequately or invalidating your request for a response by not responding...

That hurts, and I'm just so sorry that you are in pain and my heart just cracked with yours when I read this...

I do think that Treehouse gave you some good advice when she said that T's make mistakes too...they are just human.. Even as much as sometimes we wish they were all-powerful and could fix everything and make it better. I did like Omers suggestion of just sending her an update and wouldn't hesitate to include some of the hurt she has rendered by her lack of responsiveness... In my opinion, she does at least owe you an apology. Hopefully, whatever pulled her out of town may have also been the source of her distraction and less than stellar performance in the communication dept.

Most of all...I am so very proud of you reaching out to all of us for support when you felt let down and a little lost... That was very brave and took some guts. I know it is often so very hard to reach out when I'm hurting the most, and when the need is actually the greatest, my fears take over.

You've had some wonderful and loving people respond to you and you are NOT alone with this pain and feeling of abandonment and vulnerablility.... I hope you'll take that love and rub it in and feel a little better. I also hope it will make you even stronger about reacing out further to those friends and love ones around you for even more support. You can't have enough some days...

You are cherished and part of a very protective group that is very glad you are here. I'm so glad you spoke up and I'm thinking of you and you are in my heart today...

Special snuggles and huggles and warm smiles of encouragement....

Wysteria Blue

[lily99]

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful words and advice. I did the sensible thing and rang her. I left a voice message saying how I felt and that I needed to talk. She left me a voice message later saying that she hasn't forgotten, but was still thinking carefully about what to write, and what would be more appropriate to have as a conversation. I'm feeling a lot better now as I finally got some sleep last night. I'm having a phone conversation with her tomorrow so that will hopefully sort some things out I also reached out to my friends, and they have been so supportive and wonderful. I'm a very lucky girl

Thanks so much for giving me some support when I was feeling my worst.

[learning1]

Thanks for posting this lily99. I'm feeling some similar stuff about my therapist and reading everyone's responses helped some. I'm glad you got to talk to your therapist.

[dizgirl2011]

Hi Lily,

I am glad that you were able to talk to your therapist and get some reassurance that she hadn't forgotten you. I can understand fully how it must have felt that way though and the waiting must have been very difficult. I hope the phone conversation goes well and that you get more comfort from her response!

xxx