[Indie'sOK]

Question for you:

Say you had pretty close connection with a former T. Suppose you came across her Facebook profile one day. Keeping in mind that you'd talked with this T about the very subject, and she'd mentioned that if you were ever to "friend" her on the website that, after taking into consideration the situation and relationship and all other factors, she might consider accepting your request....

Would you do it?

I know this is a dry topic, but I've been itching to do this for a long time. I haven't seen or talked to this t since February...is it too soon?

Ugh.

[unaluna]

Why not just send her a message, hiya howya doin i'm doin this, maybe she'll friend you.

[Wysteria]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

Question for you:

Say you had pretty close connection with a former T. Suppose you came across her Facebook profile one day. Keeping in mind that you'd talked with this T about the very subject, and she'd mentioned that if you were ever to "friend" her on the website that, after taking into consideration the situation and relationship and all other factors, she might consider accepting your request....

Would you do it?

I know this is a dry topic, but I've been itching to do this for a long time. I haven't seen or talked to this t since February...is it too soon?

Ugh.

Hi Indie

Yeah. I think I would...It's been like 6 mo..and you don't want to lose contact with her..it's in her hands whether she accepts or declines according to her boundaries...and how personal she gets on her FB page...

I think it would be a nice gesture...

Wysteria Blue

I think that is all part of the fantasys we have about our T's. That being friended on FB will take us into the "womb". I know my T has a FB page but its just there, she doesn't add perosnal stuff to it. She teaches music so has sch children as friends too so I doubt I'd feel any think that I imagine being accepted by her on FB would bring anything more than what I get with her. Well actually it would be a poor connection compared to the "real relationship" I have.

[Indie'sOK]

I could never do it.......just can't. What if she says no? What would that say about her - or me - or US?

I wish I could. No....I wish I didn't even care.

[unaluna]

there was a fun song in 1980 "but what really knocked me out were the cheap sunglasses!"

It really depends on T's boundaries. I mean she said she'd consider it the time you talked with her? But, it would be hard for me. Because for whatever reason she might decline the request, and that for me would be hard. As a T I would not add any past/present client to facebook. It can just get too messy that way...

Are you in any contact with her now like via email? That may be easiest...

[Rapunzel]

As a client, I would be very tempted, but as a therapist I know I would have to say no. There is no real harm in asking, as it is the therapist's responsibility to set boundaries, except that it could really hurt to be rejected.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

I can definately see why you are tempted, esp since she stated in the past that she may possibly accept such a request, however personally I wouldn't do it as then I think I would be weiry of anything I put on my facebook and what she/he was thinking about it. I would also worry I was crossing a boundry or something. But that's just my personal feelings on it!

[granite1]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

It really depends on T's boundaries. I mean she said she'd consider it the time you talked with her? But, it would be hard for me. Because for whatever reason she might decline the request, and that for me would be hard. As a T I would not add any past/present client to facebook. It can just get too messy that way...

Are you in any contact with her now like via email? That may be easiest...

this is exact ally what i was thinking.i would really need to be ready to be declined.and not be extremal hurt by it

[Hope-Full]

I am in the opposite situation right now. My former T found ME on FB and requested to be my friend. She did that three weeks ago, and I still haven't made my decision to accept or not. I'm really tempted, because here is this T, someone I worked pretty closely on and off for four years, connecting with me on FB. I haven't seen her in two years, and don't plan on ever going back to her as a T (costly, long drive, etc) but the temptation of staying in touch via FB is very, very tempting!

What is holding up my decision is the fact that I don't know if I'd want her commenting on my status updates... that might freak me out! My gut tells me that she just wants to be able to keep in touch, but...

Let us know what you decide - might help me make my decision!

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

Question for you:

Say you had pretty close connection with a former T. Suppose you came across her Facebook profile one day. Keeping in mind that you'd talked with this T about the very subject, and she'd mentioned that if you were ever to "friend" her on the website that, after taking into consideration the situation and relationship and all other factors, she might consider accepting your request....

Would you do it?

I know this is a dry topic, but I've been itching to do this for a long time. I haven't seen or talked to this t since February...is it too soon?

Ugh.

If I had no other contact information, I would definitely send a message. I wouldn't friend request because to be frankly honest, I wouldn't want to know he could read everything I write. Now I also know that my T. has said that he likes to have contact with former patients because he likes to know how they are doing and that he complained because he says only a few former patients send updates with Christmas Cards.

My former T and I email a few times a year. I happen to know he has a personal FB page because the topic has come up, but I would absolutely never go on his FB page because it is "personal", not professional. While our relationship now some 26 years later is far more personal than professional, I would not feel it is my place to be on his personal FB page alongside his family and close personal friends. Frankly, I don't belong there. Why should I intrude?

I'm not worried about being rejected. He would accept me on his page. It just wouldn't feel comfortable at all.

On top of that, our emails and phone calls are personal and in depth. I really have no interest in the kind of trivial chit chat that goes on on FB. That would dilute our relationship in my mind, not strengthen it.

[elliemay]

I absolutely, positively would not friend your former therapist on facebook. no way, no how.

Right now you have an image of your former therapist that is based largely on what was exchanged during therapy.

I think it is that image that you cherish and want to hold on to.

If your therapist's facebook page is anything like mine, then if I were you, I would slowly back away and with every single bit of self control you could muster NOT send that friend request.

In my opinion, this could go no where but down for you.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by hankster

there was a fun song in 1980 "but what really knocked me out were the cheap sunglasses!"

[Indie'sOK]

Thank you soooo much for your responses everyone.....I know that, no matter how much I might want to, I could never actually do it. I don't have another form of contact with her, no. But what I'm starting to wonder is why I feel the need to, exactly? What am I trying to create by doing this? Shouldn't I just let it go?

[sunrise]

I probably wouldn't do it as that would put me in a big group of people who are T's FB friends--family, personal friends, etc.--and that is not who I am. It would be uncomfortable seeing his personal posts about his goings on on my wall. Would not want that! But I might send a connection request on a more professional, career-oriented site, such as Linked In. People don't post personal stuff about themselves there, so you can maintain a connection with your therapist without it being too intrusive. Does your T have a presence on Linked In?

[SoupDragon]

I think if I wanted to befriend on FB, then that would say to me that actually I wasn't ready to - I see my relationship with T as a very temporary thing - get the work done then say goodbye. Think I would find it so confusing if T wanted to befriend me on there.

[Indie'sOK]

The thing I'm wondering about is that she's my former T, not my current. I would never ever friend a current therapist, no way.

I probably won't, just because there would be the possibility that I might find out something that I'd rather not know.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

The thing I'm wondering about is that she's my former T, not my current. I would never ever friend a current therapist, no way.

I believe the relationship endures, in some ways, even when therapy is over. So your T will never be just another person. There will always be something "different" between you because she was your therapist, even though you are not currently in therapy with her.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

Question for you:

Say you had pretty close connection with a former T. Suppose you came across her Facebook profile one day. Keeping in mind that you'd talked with this T about the very subject, and she'd mentioned that if you were ever to "friend" her on the website that, after taking into consideration the situation and relationship and all other factors, she might consider accepting your request....

Would you do it?

I know this is a dry topic, but I've been itching to do this for a long time. I haven't seen or talked to this t since February...is it too soon?

Ugh.

no, i would not. T and client is just that. even though feelings develop, it should always be a professional relationship. i would not want to cross the line. no.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Well, I think that I would really want to but I think that I would resist because I might not like everything I would be able to find out...

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

The thing I'm wondering about is that she's my former T, not my current. I would never ever friend a current therapist, no way.

I probably won't, just because there would be the possibility that I might find out something that I'd rather not know.

I would give up any right to winning a few million on the lottery to be able to have more that a therapeutic relationship with T - nothing erotic, just a friendship. But however much I hate to admit it to myself, I believe it can never be that - we only met because of my difficulites, T has been paid to listen to me and the relationship could never be balanced and equal.

IMO (ex)therapists who try to befriend (ex) clients are abusing the position they held - this is about their needs and I think it sounds like they have some more of their own stuff to work through.