[OneRedRose]

I am having CBT therapy atm, for my anxiety and OCD.

but their are aspects of my mental health I have not discussed, mainly because I am not sure if its out of her proffesional abilitys, I find it hard to open up so ill say what needs to be said here, maybe ill open up and just hit send...once its out their its out their right?.

I have urges, they're not wants or feelings they are needs...I have always had them, since I was little, hurting things, the need to hurt something, someone, anything, I dont WANT to have these urges, but I feel as though I NEED to do them, (please note the differences here) but saying that, I enjoy and take pleasure in the thoughts that come alongside the needs, but I dont want to do them.

lately these needs have gotten stronger, like today, I could not even hear anything being said to me, I was in my own world, I became paranoid at one point that my needs could be heard, and it upset me when i kept seeing people look at me. I started drawing pictures of things...something ive never done before.

I sent a good friend a text, and she told me to just get my notepad and everytime I have these urges to just keep writing "I can control myself" so I did that majority of the day, and it did help, it took my mind of, off the needs albeit only slightly.

but should I tell my CBT therapist? im scared that the only reason why i have not done anything evil, is because of my anxiety, im scared of the end result when (and if) i recover from my anxietys, but she also said intursive thoughts are common with OCD...im just not sure if she meant this intrusive, I dont want to be locked away...not because I dont think ill need it or that im scared of being locked away, its purely egotisitcal, It would alter my goals, something I am dedicated too, and I dont like interruption.... so yeah....this is long....this is abit mad....but it feels good to say it...

[SoupDragon]

Hi, oneredrose - well done for sharing this on here - there is something about just hitting the send button that takes away that deliberation isn't there?

I think the thoughts you describe can be associated with symptoms of OCD - I knew someone who had OCD who had thoughts / fears of harming things and at times couldn't distinguish between whether these were just her thoughts or whether she had actually performed these actions.

I would think it is definitely relevant to share with your T, it may be that CBT can help with these too.

Good luck let us know how it goes - Soup

[popeye]

I would share those thoughts but make clear that you are not going to do any harm to anyone otherwise she will see you as a harm to yourself and others. That is grounds for her to put you in the hospital. Goodluck.

[(JD)]

should I tell my CBT therapist?

Sure, why not?

[franki_j]

Hi, I started going to therapy for my ED in the beginning of April, and it was CBT as well. At first I was very very unsure of what to discuss with my T b/c I felt that she did not have the proffesional abilities to deal with it. I did not know whether I should just stick with the "program" or branch out and talk about other issues as well, and I know the reason I was feeling this way was in part because of the type of therapy.
Anyways, I talked to my T about it last session, which was actually awhile ago b/c she is on vacay right now, but she told me that we were doing more than focusing on my ED as well, which made me feel more comfortable about opening up to her about other things. Sometimes I still feel as though she may not have the training to deal with other things or won't know what to do with what I throw at her. There was one time in particular that although I don't blame her, I do feel that she was not expecting what I told her and it threw her off guard and well whatever, it's a long story.
But I know what you are going through; however, I think you should bring this up with your T, although I would be careful with how I phrase it. But yes, I think it is important, but I also know that with CBT especially it can be harder to bring up certain things.

[OneRedRose]

Hey, I feel very anxious over this post..... I dont like that I hit send paranoid about whos reading my thoughts now... but i have since spoken to my CBT T and stated my thoughts, although she was taken aback because id never indicated such thoughts in the past, she asked the general safety questions (even though im sure shes very aware before even asking those, that im no threat...but they have to ask just incase) it was weird it was like...before I told her I was litrally losing the plot, id resorted to putting a rubber band on my wrist and flicking it everytime i had a thought, then I told her, and suddenly I felt very calm and at peace again (well after the call lol!, i was panicked during!), guess it helps to just say something get it off your chest

[Perna]

Originally Posted by OneRedRose

the only reason why i have not done anything evil, is because of my anxiety, im scared of the end result when (and if) i recover from my anxietys, but she also said intursive thoughts are common with OCD...im just not sure if she meant this intrusive, I dont want to be locked away...not because I dont think ill need it or that im scared of being locked away, its purely egotisitcal, It would alter my goals, something I am dedicated too, and I dont like interruption

Personally, I think you are well balanced here You haven't done any of these urges both because you are anxious about possible consequences and because you don't want to mess up your life.

These are intrusive thoughts; you can and do control the urges to act on them, quite well it sounds like to me. I would tell your therapist about them and your concerns. I know for me, my T knowing some stuff helped me feel better and control urges, she was "in there" with me during the discomfort. I think your CBT therapist might be able to offer you some suggestions on how better to deal with the thoughts, how to "duck" so they pass you by more; they are your thoughts and they don't really count, just actions do and you haven't chosen to do anything to be worried or ashamed about.

[WePow]

Being honest about your thoughts is the only way to get to the root of the emotions behing them. Because you said they feel like needs, I would suspect there may be things in your past that need to be explored with your T.

I do understand how that works because I had years of wicked thoughts come up for me at random times concerning harm to others. One time I was walking in the mall and a stranger passed me with a tray of food and I felt the overwhelming NEED to knock the food tray out of his hands and hit him with the tray. Of course I did not do that... and I did not WANT to do that. But the thought and emotion waa real.

I told my CBT T about this. He was able to help me find my emotional root behind the thoughts. In this case, it delt with being in school in the cafateria line and being made fun of by one older boy because I was on the poor kids meal plan and couldn't get something he got for lunch.

It was very painful to do the work and get to that root. But one I felt through the shame and pain of that situation, I felt free. Since that time, I have been able to go back to same food court and have men pass by with a tray and I no longer had that thought come up for me!

Bottom line is that the only way to heal using therapy is to be totaly honest about what is going on inside.

[Astridetal]

I am glad you told your T. These thoughts can be part of OCD and I think CBT can be very good for these thoughts/needs. I hope you can work on this. Really having aggressive compulsions is sort of a taboo, but it is more common than most people think.

Originally Posted by OneRedRose

guess it helps to just say something get it off your chest

Not only that, but I think that when you voice something, you take away at least some of its power over you.

Best, Anne