[mcl6136]

All,

Yes, I've complained about how "much" time and resources I spent in T with someone who didn't suit for the long haul. We DID accomplish some things, though there are topics that didn't work with this particular T.

Now, however, I'm wondering...is that really long? How long have some of your "best" T relationships lasted? This isn't my first time. My last T relationship lasted nearly two years and I still long for someone that talented to show up here, in my small town where great T isn't as easy to find as where I was before (big city on west coast)

MCL

[geez]

MCL I've only had one T and from what I've read I feel lucky that I found her. I just ended therapy after 3 1/2 years. I love her and I miss her. It's such a huge loss for me.

Perhaps you could write out exactly what you are looking for in a T and bring that with you when you 'interview' your next potential T? I was fortunate to feel a connection with my T from the start and I think that helps allot. I think I helped her grow as a therapist because of what I needed her to help me with.

[SoupDragon]

Have been with mine for 18 months, it is my first experience of therapy and my one and only T.

I've been with my current T for somewhere around 6 years. With my other two it was more like 2 1/2 years (they were time-limited due to either me or them moving).

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by geez

MCL I've only had one T and from what I've read I feel lucky that I found her. I just ended therapy after 3 1/2 years. I love her and I miss her. It's such a huge loss for me.

Perhaps you could write out exactly what you are looking for in a T and bring that with you when you 'interview' your next potential T? I was fortunate to feel a connection with my T from the start and I think that helps allot. I think I helped her grow as a therapist because of what I needed her to help me with.

A great and useful suggestion. I've followed your posts about ending T and seeing her, I think....the fact that it's a huge loss must hurt. Please take a moment to relish what you had with her! It's a huge victory to draw so close to someone who can help!

[sunrise]

mcl6136, I have been seeing my current T (my second) for close to 5 years. Can't believe it! We have a great relationship, he is very talented, and even after all this time, he is still helping me, and I am still learning and growing. I don't think I asked him any questions when I went to see him the first time--I didn't have a specific type of therapist I thought would be most helpful. He asked me questions and also talked quite a bit so that I got enough of a sense of who he was and what he valued in therapy to be able to decide I wanted to come back for another session.

It was different with my first therapist, though. I saw her for help with doing something about my marriage. I was also super depressed. She latched on to the depression issue and helped me some with that. But we never made much progress on the marriage issue. I saw her for about 8 months, then took a break of 2-3 months. I needed time to get myself together and think how I was going to make my way through this problem. I went back for a few more sessions after the break, but we didn't make progress and I realized that I was not going to get any further on this in therapy (with this T). I had exhausted her skill set. She was a very nice woman, though, and we got along fine. I didn't realize you are supposed to have a relationship with your therapist, since she was my first, so that wasn't part of my therapy. I look back on that experience and am grateful she was able to help me some with my depression. I don't feel the time was wasted. What she provided just wasn't what I needed to move forward on my issue, but being less depressed will indirectly help with any issue, so there was value there. After her, I wasn't planning to find another T as I thought all Ts would offer similar to what she did. I lucked into my current T by accident when I didn't even intend to have another T. I was super lucky!

mcl6136, it sounds like you did accomplish some things with your T, but not all the things you wanted. Perhaps just hold in mind you did get some help, so your time and money weren't all just thrown away. Maybe you are now more ready to work on some important issues since you got some of the other stuff out of the way with this T. Maybe considering that it was not all worthless will help you move on. You mentioned elsewhere that an issue you wanted to work on was deaths of family members. That is such important work! Grief, loss... I hope you can find a T who wants to be part of this work with you.