never another letter

I have written many, many letters over the past 20 years to my therapist. She has encouraged me to express myself through my letters between sessions if I need to. Very few have been written in anger toward her, maybe a couple if that. Sometimes we discuss the letters in our next session sometimes we do not. She always acknowledges that she receives them. She has never made me read a letter out loud to her to her. She knows that it is difficult sometimes for me between sessions and that I need to connect with her and writing helps. I don't know how i would respond if she made me read the letters out loud or if she yelled at me for not. It would make me shut down most likely. Writing in between sessions is cathartic and relieves alot of stress, I also do art work and bring it to sessions sometimes. She is always willing to follow my lead as to how the session goes. Granite I hope you can connect with your therapist in your next session. trust is difficult, I know this. It has taken me many years to trust her. But I do now and it feel great!

i want to know what happens when my T tries to get me to read a letter i have written so far this is what i am comming up with.when i let my T read the letter i wrote it feels like i have a huge buffer between the feelings i have about what i wrote and myself. if i want to check out i can. what i have to say is out thare and i havn't a choice to take it back.
i dont have controle over what she knows.sometimes if it were up to me i wouldnt be able to tell her anything and i know that isnt helpful

if T tries to get me to read the letter i instantally panic.right to my core.with this last letter as soon as she gave it to me the panic hit and i froze.i could hardly function at alli couldnt talk or read or anything .i was totally paralized with terror. i cant let my T know the information i want.the feelings from the letter seem so out of control.they have no buffer and i cant handle it at all.i have to much controle and i stop and decide to not give her any information than to feel what i feel.i am so in the open when reading a letter.when speaking the words i wrote i have to own them and that is also to intense.it makes things to real.

the question i still have is why do i keep doing this?why do i write these letters.i know it frustrates my T when i cant read them it hurts me so deeply it makes no sence but i will still write them every once in a while.is it helpfull to do this and is it helpfull for my T to have me face these feelings by having me read these letters.is it helpfull to have her read them.i dont know but i am scared thatr she will stop reading any letters i write to her at all or tell me to stop writing letters because i cant handle reading them

Wow, what a great analysis! You have such a great handle on your feelings and describe them so well. Sounds to me like Pink is the one who reads the letter, but Red is who listens to it being read by T, and provides the buffer between T and Pink. So maybe T is trying to get Red and Pink to work hand in hand - if Pink could use some of Red's strength while she reads, so Pink could handle the feelings better. THAT'S why T is being so cranky, it makes much better sense now. She is trying to get the personalities to support each other, to work together, to grow up, to hold hands, and to know that they don't have to continue being the scared hurt separate kids they are now. Seems to me.

This ^ is really good insight granite! It would be super helpful for you to tell your T this or read it to her in session or mail it to her.

I think because you want to move forward.

Unprofessional. T should give you her full attention.

Ts are trained to rely on the spoken word and to be suspicious of anything written. Not sure I agree.

But the theory is, saying stuff out loud brings the conscious and subconscious parts of your mind together. Writing can bypass the subconscious.

If you can read your letter out loud, T will get your feelings as well as your words, and that's important.

It's hard to read out loud, because you will snarl and shout and cry. But Ts value it for exactly that reason.