[mcl6136]

I feel like a melting down little kid. I had a really bad "fit" with my old T and now the new appointment went really badly, and I could tell it wasn't a good fit there, either.

Basically, I have internalized all of the problems from the old T experience. I blame myself, in large measure, for the breakdown of that relationship. Now, the problem is that my self esteem is shot from not being able to communicate with my old T, and not seeing the problems coming early enough to basically prevent a meltdown that -- while I was the one who terminated -- led to the end of the therapeutic relationship. My old T acknowledged that the 'relationship was shot," and I agreed, and then we stopped. Even though he wasn't the right person to help me with recent issues, we did some good work together, and our awful termination, with so many hurt feelings, left me feeling like a failure at communication, which is what I do for a living, so there is a lot of spin-off damage here...like I 've lost all trust in my ability to connect. I feel totally shattered by the whole thing. Had no idea how much despair I felt until I was in the new Ts office yesterday...and it was pretty tough going.

I feel like I've failed in therapy, and that's why I've got no confidence for trying again. I have new leads, but I feel like I NEED A TIME OUT...I worry though, that I will never go back.

I wonder if I'm up for taking on something different....anyone relate? I'm emotionally exhausted, and cannot imagine how I will get the energy to try someone new...

[rainbow8]

I'm not sure if you need a time out. To me, it sounds like you need a T to help regain your confidence, maybe to discuss what went wrong in the other therapy. If you feel shattered due to communication problems, it would be helpful to focus on that. Like I said in your other thread, maybe CBT would help sort things out for you. I'm sorry you feel so bad.

I'm sorry if I missed what you posted elsewhere, but I'm wondering if you spoke about your termination and/or overall experience with old T to prospective T? It seems to me that you need some pretty immediately support around how you feel about that so you can move away from "internalizing" everything as about you. If prospective T couldn't give you some support around this, then obviously she's not the right T for you. If you didn't raise it as an issue, though, then I wonder if checking out someone else now should include this as the #1 topic of conversation.

It just seems like, as rainbow said, you're in a lot of pain around what happened with your d!@#$% former T, and I'd like to see you get some relief from that.

A year before I went into therapy this time, I went to see a prospective T. It was horrible. She was a dunce. She seemed to have a short term memory problem and would try to "mirror" what I was telling her, but she kept getting it wrong. I kept correcting her, and she couldn't understand what was different. Then I gave up and just started asking her a bunch of questions about her practice as a therapist and her career before she was a therapist. She talked about herself straight for about 40 of the 50 minutes. She told me that I knew more about her than any client of hers she ever had. She tried to get me to reschedule another appointment right away. I literally ran away from her office. It made me shudder to think of telling her anything important at all.

She so scared me that I took another year to schedule another appointment with a prospective T. I mentioned all that junk in the previous paragraph because looking back on it now, I wish I hadn't "wasted" that year. I wish I was where I am now last year. Life is short. IME, the tough stuff doesn't go away on its own.

I wonder if there's any middle ground here between taking a break and interviewing potential T's? Could you call and make appointments for 3 or 4 weeks away, or however long you feel you might need?

Anne

[ECHOES]

There is just no way to tell with one meeting how the fit will be.
In the first meeting it is often awful and understandably so. We're nervous, self-conscious, frightened, there is no level of trust yet, everything is new and nothing is familiar.
It is likely to not feel so hot.
But the good news is that everything familiar began as something unfamiliar, and this can too.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

I'm sorry if I missed what you posted elsewhere, but I'm wondering if you spoke about your termination and/or overall experience with old T to prospective T? It seems to me that you need some pretty immediately support around how you feel about that so you can move away from "internalizing" everything as about you. If prospective T couldn't give you some support around this, then obviously she's not the right T for you. If you didn't raise it as an issue, though, then I wonder if checking out someone else now should include this as the #1 topic of conversation.

It just seems like, as rainbow said, you're in a lot of pain around what happened with your d!@#$% former T, and I'd like to see you get some relief from that.

A year before I went into therapy this time, I went to see a prospective T. It was horrible. She was a dunce. She seemed to have a short term memory problem and would try to "mirror" what I was telling her, but she kept getting it wrong. I kept correcting her, and she couldn't understand what was different. Then I gave up and just started asking her a bunch of questions about her practice as a therapist and her career before she was a therapist. She talked about herself straight for about 40 of the 50 minutes. She told me that I knew more about her than any client of hers she ever had. She tried to get me to reschedule another appointment right away. I literally ran away from her office. It made me shudder to think of telling her anything important at all.

She so scared me that I took another year to schedule another appointment with a prospective T. I mentioned all that junk in the previous paragraph because looking back on it now, I wish I hadn't "wasted" that year. I wish I was where I am now last year. Life is short. IME, the tough stuff doesn't go away on its own.

I wonder if there's any middle ground here between taking a break and interviewing potential T's? Could you call and make appointments for 3 or 4 weeks away, or however long you feel you might need?

Anne

Ilike the idea of a middle ground. This often doesn't occur to those of us who do a little ....splitting!