[mcl6136]

All,

I have decided to return for a last appointment with my former T tonight at 5:30 PT.

Yikes.

I feel like I'm walking into a buzz saw but I really need to do this.

Pocket Riders are welcome but you may not want to hear what I have to say...It needs to be said.

[geez]

((((mcl)))) Wish you the best at your appt. It may go better than your predicting. Just my 2 cents worth but go with an open mind.

You go, girl! As the kids say.

I say bring on the full sass and smartmouth. Ask if he's wearing his cup, he's gonna need it.

In all serious good fun, though, I hope you get from this what you are hoping to.

Anne

I think you're doing the right thing, and you're very brave to do this. It seems like you have unresolved issues with your old T that might be very, very important for your own growth. For myself - with T's and in RL - I have a tendency (read: compulsion) to flee when relationships get near my core issues. I don't do it consciously - my unconscious makes up all sorts of logical sounding reasons for why I'm outta there, and I'm gone.

You've been very open and candid in your postings here - have you been as open with old T? I hope you can resolve exactly what your issues are with him (or that he brings out in you) so you can terminate the therapy without feeling like you are a failure. You've mentioned that you accomplished a lot working with him. Could it be that you were getting into something that was too "dangerous" to deal with? And that terminating was not so much that he was the problem, but that you couldn't deal with the issue?

I hope I'm not way off base here - these are just my thoughts. I just know that you've suffered so much over this whole thing that you deserve to have some sort of resolution that you can live with. Maybe it will take more than one session with old T ... I really hope it goes well. Say what you feel. If you think he's a cold, distant, imcompetent, egotistical, narcissistic JERK - let him have it!!!! He can take it. Good luck!!

[rainbow8]

I hope it goes well! I'll jump in your pocket. Say what you need to! Good luck.

[rainbow_rose]

can I squeeze in there too?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

All,

I have decided to return for a last appointment with my former T tonight at 5:30 PT.

Yikes.

I feel like I'm walking into a buzz saw but I really need to do this.

Pocket Riders are welcome but you may not want to hear what I have to say...It needs to be said.

How did it go? Are you doing okay?

[Wren_]

Hope it all went well?

[mcl6136]

All,
I am still here.....after the Return Appointment with Cold Distant T.

I am so glad I went. I think it went fairly well, despite the fact that I had huge, rolling waves of anxiety throughout most of the 50 minutes. Wow..it was really difficult to even remain seated! The anxiety reminded me what the problem was with not having a good "fit." I think this T just didn't really undertstand how anxious I was during our sessions, partly because I hide this well (and that in itself is an issue). I was able to be fairly coherent and discuss what the shortcomings of the therapy were, and also share what I think I gained in terms of looking at some of my money issues (which were triggered, in part, by the high cost of his therapy and my crappy insurance coverage!) and a few other things that brought me into therapy. I was also able to talk about the things that I couldn't really approach during our T, and why.

It was really liberating to be able to say these things. I'm glad I went back, I guess. Things are clearer. I also think that part of me was hoping that he would say, HEY, I'LL CHANGE and we can work together. Which he did not. And part of me is also relieved that I can move on! I really wonder what kind of client COULD thrive under his "care," and in a perverse way, I would like to meet that kind of client, and even BE that kind of client. But then, I would not be who I am!

Lots of lessons here. I'm very relieved today, knowing that I don't have to go back and back and back. From now on, I'm going to do something fun on Mondays, at my regular appointment time, at least for a while, in order to commemorate this experience. All in all, remembering some of the moments together, I'm blown away by the things I heard from him....I've also got to say that I think the old analytic school of thought leaves a lot to be desired. Thanks for everyone's support...pocket riders especially.

[lastyearisblank]

You did a really good job! No,.... it is really positive that you went back for closure & I think those rolling waves of anxiety are a really important sign. Speaking from a similar experience, it is a good to plunge in and try to overcome the anxiety and speak your piece but in the long term if every session feels like shock therapy it is hard to make progress.

[mcl6136]

classic...it DID feel like shock therapy! Thank you for your kindness!

So glad you went and that you're now feeling relieved rather than in turmoil. Sounds like you're much clearer on all that happened, and that you can appreciate the good stuff better. Congratulations on getting up your nerve and facing this! <Pat on the back>