[coquinarock]

Due to a combination of events I was laid-off, divorced, and had a medical crisis that has left me with bills to pay. All of these stressors has caused a major relapse in my ability to manage my bipolar. My P-Doc's office has a therapy program for the uninsured and the underinsured and referred me to a particular therapist that works with patients like myself.

When I first met the T, I was overwhelmed with age bias. This therapist is in the same generation as my young adult children. Knowing as much about my own kids as I do, how can I trust the therapist (through no fault of her own) who is the same age? She has tremendous credentials and is working on her Ph.D. Yet, I still feel this disconnect with her due to age issue. I "own" this problem.

Any suggestions?

[cin1]

i understand about the young T. i saw a T at 17 , so 37 years later, i have begun to have therapy again. She is young, and i felt odd talking with her. . seemed the roles should be reversed. I saw her for the second time today, and it seemed a little better. As much as you have been through, maybe having someone to listen will help. i tend to think that for myself , for now.

[SilentLucidity]

This cracks me up! I have been sitting here for the past two hours researching couples therapists for my husband and myself and I cannot even count the number of times I thought "you are way to young to even understand our couples issues." Then I have to talk myself down saying it is all about the training they receive and how I shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

[unaluna]

I see my pdocs at the depression center at a major midwestern university, so maybe we get a better class of young people coming thru, or maybe i've just been lucky, but i've had 2 and met several others in the past 4 years, and I would put them up against any oldster i've had. I think the difference in the training and the research and what has changed in the field in the past 20 years, makes up for that 20-year difference in experience.

[stopdog]

It would be a huge problem for me too - if that helps any. At this point, because of my age and the requirement mine must be the same age or older, the two I just saw really could have just died at any moment. To her credit, one did acknowledge it.

[(JD)]

I ran into this issue from the other side of the desk.

The training makes the difference. That she is a PhD candidate also probably means she has a mentor or supervisor in case she has a question.

The methods of therapy work. Yes, the full understanding (read, "been there" effect) doesn't come for a while.

If you can't respect your children, then you might have issues. But like with any new T someone sees, you have to give it time to build trust. She may have golden words you've never heard before.

I think I would have trouble seeing a therapist who was a lot younger than me-- my kid's only 10, so it's not a generational thing for me.

It would probably depend on the absolute age of the therapist-- I'm in my mid 40's, and I don't think I could see someone who was fresh out of school, in his or her late 20's or early 30's. As an aside, here's an article about a 17 year old complaining that she was "discriminated" against because of her age in being admitted to clinical psychology graduate school:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelsey..._b_940794.html

First year graduate students typically start their clinical training in their first year. Can you imagine sitting in a room for therapy with a 17 year old?

Anne

I can imagine accepting the help I need from a trained professional.

[unaluna]

Cough (age-ists!) cough!

[skysblue]

I had to see an emergency dentist the other day (it was my dentist's day off) and the first thing I said to him was "Are you sure you're still not in Junior High school?" He looked so young. It didn't seem like he was offended and we both laughed. But, even with his youth I had 100% trust in his ability and had no fear whatsoever.

For me, age doesn't seem that important. I sense (rightly or not) a person's ability or expertise and will trust from that point of view. Of course, I'm the age now where most helping professionals will be younger than me and I have no problem with that.

My T is much younger than me but I still see her as my teacher, my guide. She knows more about the subject of mental health than I do and I depend upon and count on her expertise.

My son-in-law teaches high school chemistry and physics and I go to him regularly to explain to me complex (for me) concepts in that field.

Some of my employees (attending college) can teach me about areas I have no knowledge of. I value their particular insights and points of view.

Of course, if a person is just 20 years old and believes they can be a life coach, that may be hard to take because they haven't yet had a chance to live life. But, again, it depends on the person. There are geniuses out there in youthful bodies and we should not discount them just because of their age. Nor should we value another more just because they've lived more years. I've seen fools who are at an advanced age.

So, I can feel comfortable with and trust those who are much younger than me. But, maybe that is possible because I am exposed to many people of many ages on a regular basis and have little prejudice based on the number of years their bodies have lived on this Earth. And, to be honest, sometimes their youth gives them an advantage because they're open to new ways whereas a more 'experienced' person may be stuck in their ways. Again, I just respond to the individual and their age is secondary.

Originally Posted by hankster

Cough (age-ists!) cough!

I would not deny it, in this context. I don't want a teenage therapist. Or a therapist in his or her 20's or probably even early 30's. So sue me . Other people don't want a man or a woman or someone who hasn't been married or divorced or (list goes on and on . . .). Not saying that I would want to pass a law to stop teenagers from becoming therapists, or that someone my age or any age wouldn't be just fine with them. Just not for me.

However, having gone through a psychology Ph.D. program (but not in clinical), I suspect that the problems with her admission are deeper than just her age.

Anne

Originally Posted by coquinarock

Due to a combination of events I was laid-off, divorced, and had a medical crisis that has left me with bills to pay. All of these stressors has caused a major relapse in my ability to manage my bipolar. My P-Doc's office has a therapy program for the uninsured and the underinsured and referred me to a particular therapist that works with patients like myself.

When I first met the T, I was overwhelmed with age bias. This therapist is in the same generation as my young adult children. Knowing as much about my own kids as I do, how can I trust the therapist (through no fault of her own) who is the same age? She has tremendous credentials and is working on her Ph.D. Yet, I still feel this disconnect with her due to age issue. I "own" this problem.

Any suggestions?

Like everything else in therapy, talk about it with her.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

I would not deny it, in this context. I don't want a teenage therapist. Or a therapist in his or her 20's or probably even early 30's. So sue me . Other people don't want a man or a woman or someone who hasn't been married or divorced or (list goes on and on . . .). Not saying that I would want to pass a law to stop teenagers from becoming therapists, or that someone my age or any age wouldn't be just fine with them. Just not for me.
Anne

I agree. I won't see a man or someone younger than I am or someone who has a shared waiting room. I am not saying men or younger people are not competent, but I have enough trouble with this without adding in two hurdles that I can avoid. I do not care if they are married or not, gay or not, or what religion they practice (or don't practice), generally what their clothing/shoes looks like, or how their office is furnished. Some people have those as criteria that matters to them. I would think all of this goes into that fit thing.

One of the things that works so well with my therapist is that we are fairly close in age, we both have several children, we both are professionals who have been in our respective positions for many years. It works. I prefer having a therapist who actually knows what it is like to be a parent of several children who are almost grown. We are of the same generation, and that matters to me. His insight as a parent has been just as valuable to me as his insight as a therapist. That isn't discriminatory; that's just a personal preference.

[skysblue]

I may not be an ageist but I'm definitely a sexist when it comes to therapy. I can't imagine having a man as my T.

[cmac13]

My children are 25 and 26 and there is no way I could have either of them as a therapist. They just have not lived enough of life to understand problems revolving around attachment and trust as well as abuse. When I set out to find a therapist I specifically wanted to see a female who was older than me. 20 years later she is the best therapist helping me to "grow up". I am blessed to have her in my life as my therapist and as the person who fills a maternal role I so desperately need.

I can see why thats tough. I have a tough time listening professionally to people who are way younger than I am.

[Xeneon]

I think age should matter to a point. If a person is going to a counselor that has never been married and is going for marriage issues, then yeah there is a problem but you also have to remember colleges exspect more out of students now because they want the best students graduating from there college. Becoming a therapist is not easy, they go to school for at least 6 years because they have to get a masters. The question isn't if they can help, its can you be comfortable talking to them? Some people think they haven't lived enough to beable to help people but that not true because you aren't going to a therapist to use them as a friend. Your going so you can make progress and be incontrol of your problems or get over them. They have knowledge, its just what kind of body do you want to hear it from.

This is just my opinion but who i am i.

My therapist is considerably older than I am, and that works for me. I feel that she has life experience, that she has things 'figured out' in a way that I can't imagine someone around my age could claim to...

When it comes to therapy I can't deny I'm ageist. OR sexist!

[coquinarock]

I appreciate all of the input as I try to decide if I will continue with this therapist. I readily admit that I have a bit of age bias which deals mosty with how much experience she has in dealing with my particular bipolar related difficulties, not, necessarily her age in general. I know that my young adult off-spring bring some great attributes to their chosen fields of study, as I'm certain this therapist does too.

I saw her for a session today and it got a bit difficult for us to understand each other's analogies and reference points. She asked me a "feeling" question and when I attempted to describe my feeling about that subject, she asked if she should call the police because she thought my feelings expressed SI tendencies. That I think is a mistake that a more experienced therapist wouldn't make since it was a feeling directed question about a past event. At the time of the event it was extreme SI tendencies; however, not at the present as I've worked through it (and it was nearly 15 years ago). I asked for us to develope a plan for bipolar mixed episodes and she said that we should explore my feelings about the subject first. Well, I believe I need the plan first in order to avoid another hospital trip. I must regulate my actions before addressing my feelings. (I'm not opposed to feelings, I'm just more analytical in my approach to life.)

So, the problems stem from not knowing each other very well, her inexperience in working with BP, and my own hesitation. Another factor is that this is income-based therapy and I'm very short on funds to cover other types of therapy. So, I'll continue with her for another couple of sessions and then we'll both re-evaluate the situation.

Again, thanks for all of the feedback. I appreciate it very much.

CR

[NCsweetheart79]

My T is 10 months younger than me but I like that he is close to my age (even though younger) and since my husband sees him as well (my husband is 9 yrs older than him) we both feel very comfortable with him.

[missbelle]

I go to a mental health center and have a therapist if I need one. She just finished her schooling and is younger then all three of my grown children. I have not seen here and probably never will and hopefully will never have too...I feel I have more expertice in handling anything then she would. I have years of Professional work experience and just because I have depression does not mean that I have to deal with somone who has no actual living experience. If I had a problem now I would want someone at least around my age or 10 years younger definately not in her 20's

What gets me is why did they hire her to work with senior adults? I don't care what her grades were, where she placed or what school she went too

[coquinarock]

Missbelle,

I get ya! This is definitely an issue I'm working on cause my PCP and my P-doc are yyounger than me, although not AS young as the therapist.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I can so relate - my T is close to my mother's age and that is the way I want it.
Is there another T who is closer to your age or older than you that you could see?

[coquinarock]

Butterflies... there are other therapists, although they charge full price for the sessions. The program that I'm in is for individuals with limited finances. So, since my insurance doesn't cover behavioral health issues, I'm not sure what I'll end up doing.... Currently going to attend two more sessions before making a decision.